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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so annoyed at this man's attitude?

55 replies

FrenchTammy · 03/12/2015 17:27

Hi all. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Sorry if it's too long.

I have 4 children- two boys aged 7 and 4. Two girls aged 3 and 1. My children are to 3 fathers. My girls have contact with their dad and we have a good relationship. My boys call my ex (girls dad) dad as well their fathers are not involved. I work 4 days a week in a good job and own my own home.

I went on a rare night out in the summer and met a man. I vaguely knew him as his sister is my sisters friend. We have been seeing each other once or twice a week since then and it's been well but my kids are my priority and he knows this. Last Saturday he was on a works night out and texted me to say he loves me etc and I'm amazing: I was taken aback and didn't respond. I saw him on Sunday and in his hungover state he told me the following : I'm a slag for having 4 kids to 3 dads, I know I'm good looking and he's embarrassed that his sister knows I'm a slag and he would never introduce me to his parents. I know this is childish but I'm so upset he said these things. I won't be seeing him again but I feel like crap over it.

OP posts:
abbieanders · 03/12/2015 18:38

It's a lucky escape. He's not for you or your children. Also, I'm much older than you and due to my age and when I met my husband, I've only one child and if she wants children, I'd encourage her to do what you've done - just go ahead and have them. I'd help her!

Never, ever accept any crap for the decisions that led to your kids. None of it matters - how many there are, how they got here. Those are meaningless details.

Original poster
FrenchTammy · 03/12/2015 18:45

Thanks I thought people might agree with him lol. I do worry that no one will want me with 4 kids especially if they don't have their own as I don't want anymore now. I am only 29 and this man didn't have kids maybe that was the issue? I'm not usually an over thinker !

OP posts:
Garlick · 03/12/2015 18:52

No, look. Anybody who does that kind of switch is weird - emotionally disconnected, entitled, demanding, call it what you like ... weird. That was the issue!

TheCarpenter · 03/12/2015 18:55

I do worry that no one will want me with 4 kids

My SIL is in her 30's with 4 and she's in a relationship with a great bloke who isn't the kid's Dad.

If kids put a man off you, you should consider it a bullet dodged. I think in this case PP are right, you weren't weeping with gratitude at his 'love' so he's lashed out while licking his wounds.

rainydaygrey · 03/12/2015 18:59

What a horrible man.

Whatever his issue is, it's about him, NOT you.

I wouldn't give it too much thought. The right man won't care about who fathered your kids FFS. If that's the only thing he can think of to criticise you for, you must be doing OK. Onwards and upwards OP Wine

ChilliAndBint · 03/12/2015 19:06

This is a common theme I see in new relationships.

There seems to be a new breed of men who seem to get their kicks by lavishing you with gifts ,compliments and undivided attention before delivering a dramatic and unexpected "kick in the teeth".

This wasn't about how many children you have had by however many fathers;he knew this all along.

He's got major issues; at a guess I'd say a history of abusing previous partners.

HermioneWeasley · 03/12/2015 19:13

Eurgh, shudder. Bullet dodged.

KiwiJude · 03/12/2015 19:20

I would have told him how embarrassed his sister would be to learn her brother is such a cock. Lucky dodge there French

AnyFucker · 03/12/2015 19:27

Is this that mysogynist claptrap they call "negging" ?

It's a twat's trick, for sure

Devora · 03/12/2015 19:42

I do worry that no one will want me with 4 kids

Please don't, and don't feel any need to justify yourself to anyone. There are plenty of non-dicks out there. 20 years ago my db married a woman who has 3 children by 3 fathers - he was very lucky, she and her children have brought great joy to his life Smile

pullofthemoon · 03/12/2015 19:44

If no one else wants you, it's better than being wanted by someone like that.

Cloppysow · 03/12/2015 19:49

It says more about him than it does about you.

Sexist prick with a fragile ego. Bullet dodged.

TrinityForce · 03/12/2015 19:51

4 kids isn't the issue, him being a DICK is the issue.

Hope you're feeling better Flowers people like that don't deserve any time of day.

MoriartyIsMyAngel · 03/12/2015 19:52

Very lucky escape. He always had this misogynistic mentality, and it would have come out sooner or later. Take it as a gift, he showed you he was a waste of time before you got too invested.

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 03/12/2015 19:53

Seems a retort as you didn't respend to his gush of love.

It won't put some off but it would be unrealistic to think that it wouldn't be a factor for some. It's a lot of serious relationships for a relatively young adult. The number of partners not children would put me off a potential spouse.

Seeyounearertime · 03/12/2015 19:53

The right man will accept you're part of a package OP. He'll be mature and sensible enough to know that.

I've never been put off a girl because she had children, my current GF had 2 when we met, now she has 3 (talking about 4!)
My previous partner had 2 as well.

Don't ever settle just out of fear. A partner should bring things to the relationship, if life is better without them, theyre not worth you're time.

GunningforISIS · 03/12/2015 20:03

I've never been put off a girl because she had children, my current GF had 2 when we met, now she has 3 (talking about 4!)

"Current"? Hmm

Moving on, are we? Or unfortunate turn of phrase?! Grin

AskBasil · 03/12/2015 20:05

It's like those blokes who tell you you've got lovely tits darlin and when you respond negatively, tell you you're an ugly cow and they wouldn't shag you anyway.

This is not about you, it's about him.

He's a tosser and he told you he was because you didn't respond to him exactly the way he felt entitled that you should.

You're well rid of him.

Ignore people who say that for them, xyz would put them off. Someone who deserves you, won't be put off by anything about you.

Original poster
FrenchTammy · 03/12/2015 20:10

Thank you everyone. He has sent me a message on Facebook that I have ignored it. He apologies and says he's gutted. However the message soon turns it round : I made him jealous, he's jealous of me and my ex and the amount of partners I've had. This message will be ignored. My sister is very friendly with his sister and is due to be her bridesmaid just after Christmas. My sister is aware of what has happened and I'm praying to God she doesn't mention anything to him or his sister as she does have a tendency to kick off!

OP posts:
RebeccaCloud9 · 03/12/2015 20:11

Oh right, and how many sexual partners has HE had in that time, many more than 3 I imagine! Hypocrite!

Trooperslane · 03/12/2015 20:12

What. A. Dick.

Ignore him forever.

Gladysandtheflathamsandwich · 03/12/2015 20:17

"Ha! I never liked you anyway!"

What, is he 12?!

Fucking idiot.

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/12/2015 20:20

I made him jealous, he's jealous of me and my ex and the amount of partners I've had. Well, clearly you weren't trying hard enough at this relationship. What on earth was stopping you inventing a time machine, going back and telling your earlier self not to shag people. Oh, and in the process getting rid of your children. Hmm

He, by dint of his short relationship with you, has the right to demand full ownership of your body now, in the future and in the past. Didn't you get the memo?

Wanker (well he will have to be now, right Grin )

Original poster
FrenchTammy · 03/12/2015 20:20

Lol I know Gladys! I am invited to his sisters wedding in the evening by the sister but I'll swerve that!

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 03/12/2015 20:21

He sounds very immature. You are better off without him if that is his attitude.

Sorry you felt bad.