To go out for lunch with this woman my friend hates?

[Champers44]

We are three best friends.

Friend A, friend B and myself.

Add into the mix a third woman, let's call her "Chanel".

Myself and friend B are very chilled. Friend A can be quite prickly.

Chanel has a very close relationship with Friend B. Chanel has done a lot to help friend B out in her life - even looking after her DC when she had no money for childcare. But Chanel did something not nice at all to Friend A, so Friend A hates her.

I have always stayed like Switzerland on the issue.

However, I moved overseas, so no longer live near frind A or friend B (bit lonely!) and Chanel sent me a message to invite me for lunch.

I have agreed to go, and Friend A is now not speaking to me since I told her I was ging.

Friend B is still very close with Chanel, but apparently I am not allowed to have lunch with her so seems a double standard.

We are 40 by the way, although I know this sounds like it would happen to 12 year olds.

I honestly can't imagine a situation where I would even care about any of my friends having lunch with anyone given all the real problems to deal with in the world, so I have just left her to it - but I do feel some guilt also because I know Chanel hurt friend A very much.

AIBU to think friend A is being childish here? Or am I actually disloyal for having lunch with her?

But it's only a bit of cash, that's not a reason to hate someone. I can see that A would want to step back a bit from Chanel, but to expect others to? No, that's a bit silly.

I wouldn't go out of my way to mention it to A, but if A wanted to bring it up then I would say something about making one's own choices, and you know what she did and will bear it in mind in my own dealings with her (perhaps not lend her money? not trust her too far?). TBH, I would need to know more about it if I was expected to cut her out as a result of her actions.

A has a history of grading with people. She was bound to get to you sooner or later. (The laptop story sounds overblown, she got the cash eventually but wanted a brand new laptop at once instead from a cancer sufferer.)

Have a great lunch with Chanel and another one with DolceGabbana and forget Armani and her dramarama.

A is hard work. B and Chanel are not. D sounds nice too.

Champers, you SHALL go to the lunch

Ok, i have c&p some of the things you have written about A - read them and then decide if you want someone like this in your life. What would you tell your DD (if you have one ) to do if she came to you with this problem?

I would say that A sounds like she is EA to you (and others) you're scared of upsetting her, this is not a balanced friendship

A also has a history of cutting people off, and she never gives much detail about why. She is best friends with people overnight, and then all of a sudden hates them, unfriends them on facebook

I will always show up for her parties and special events but she is always busy for mine. She is a good friend in a lot of ways and deep down a wonderful and very emotional person but she is also quite hard to please.

someone puts a foot wrong she guts them out.

Have invited A lots of times to visit, she's always busy but has been away quite a few times this year with other people

but A has cut her off, so now I will definitely be in the doghouse for having this weekend plan in place now.
Friend A is, and always has been, bloody hard work

"Enjoy! It's your life! you don't have to explain things to me you are an adult"

Respond 'I know - so why mention it in the first place?'

I don't think Chanel has actually done anything wrong. Friend A's laptop wouldn't have been covered by Chanel's insurance so she wouldn't have any insurance money to give to friend A
Anyway that is beside the point. You can go out with whoever you want to. Friend A hates Chanel but you get on with her. Friend A is being very childish.

You're overthinking this.
You're in a different country from A, you're lonely and you have a lunch date. That's all it is, it's not a United Nations convention.

No reason why A should be involved but if she raises it you say 'it's just one lunch' If she wants to kick off let her, tell her 'it's a shame you feel that way, it's only lunch' and don't engage further.

Friend A sounds like a lot of hard work! Why does she think she gets a say in who you spend time with anyway. How on earth would you lunching with Chanel affect her life in any way? How odd.

You don't need to tell the others about the lunch date
My sympathies
I too have friend's A,B and C
B and C don't like each other so I can't seem them together
The falling out goes back years!
B asked me to ask C if she would accept her apology
C wouldn't
Bit awkward as I can't ask them all to a party!
Just see them indivdually

It is not up to A who you are friends with. If she has a history of cutting people out for nothing the it's only a matter of time before it is your turn.

Meet Chanel and friend D and have a great time! Tough shit if a volatile 'friend' in a other country who hasn't been a great friend to you gets the hump.

A is the problem not you.

My rule of thumb is that, I don't take sides, the slight has not happened to me therefore I am not getting involved. This of course does not apply for serious stuff like husband stealing etc!

I would be delighted that my distant (as in miles) lonely friend had someone from home to meet up with and would probably send a gift of some description to cheer them up!

Have you chosen somewhere lovely for the lunch yet?

Enjoy your lunch, Champers. I have been in both positions. I think it is not on to say to one's friends that they can't be friends with someone else out of loyalty to me and yet it hurts if they do want to be friends with that person. But then I have found that I am boycotting someone out of misplaced loyalty to a friend and it turns out that person is lovely.