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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to tell them to return it?

69 replies

WeAreEternal · 29/11/2015 23:00

I think I am, but I want to do it anyway, DH doesn't think it's UR at all.

DS (9) has asked for very few things for Christmas, but the things he does want he wants very much.
One thing in particular he desperately wants, and we had be planning to get it for him as his main gift.
Its expensive so I've been price watching and I've been hoping to get it a bit cheaper (not because we can't afford it, just because I like to get a good deal) so have been waiting and shopping around to try and get it on a deal.

My mother sent me a text message earlier to tell me that her and DF have bought the item for DS for Christmas.

I was surprised and asked why, she said she heard me telling DS that it was expensive and we weren't sure if we would be able to get it for him, which is what we tell him every year so that he will be surprised, DM knows this, she also knows we can afford it.

I told DM that I was disappointed as we really wanted to get it for DS as it is the main thing he wants.

I really want to ask them to return it so that I can buy it myself, I know it's silly and selfish but I want us to be the ones to give DS the thing he wants the most.
DH doesn't think it's silly at all and thinks my parents were silly to buy the item knowing we were planning to buy it and that it's not at all UR to ask them to return it.

But I just can't bring myself to call and tell them to return it because it does feel incredible unreasonable.
I've spent the whole evening unsure about it.

OP posts:

Floralnomad · 29/11/2015 23:03

Why does it matter who bought it ,your DS gets what he wants either way and frankly I think you are being a bit silly .

CFSsucks · 29/11/2015 23:05

I think YANBU. I wouldn't be happy if someone else bought the present I was going to buy for my child.

Phone them and say it is your main present to your son and ask them to buy something else please.

woodwaj · 29/11/2015 23:06

Not at all. I'd say sorry for the confusion but you are getting it. Or buy it from them if that's easier for them?

nocabbageinmyeye · 29/11/2015 23:06

"Hi Mam, i know you meant well but we really want to get ds x as his main pressie, so I can either fix you up for it or you can bring it back and get a refund, whichever suits, I'll have a think for something else he will like. Sorry if I sound ungrateful but i know you were the same when we were small and wanted to get us nice things" - yanbu but I'm sure there was no malice so I'd be nice

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 29/11/2015 23:07

Id agree. Buy it off them. So rude.

RhiWrites · 29/11/2015 23:14

Does it have any extras you could buy for it? Then it all ties in together as a super present.

honeyroar · 29/11/2015 23:14

Aw bless her. She knew that DS wanted it and overheard you telling him you might not be able to afford it, so bought it herself for him. And now you want to be all childish and grab it back? Every year I have to "give up" presents for my parents and my MIL to give my stepson unless I give them other suggestions early on.

Look at the big picture. He will get his desired present, you can get him the other bits on his list and buy something else special as a surprise, even tickets to something fun. He won't love your mum more than you. He will love it all.

TheSnowFairy · 29/11/2015 23:24

Agree with honey - it won't matter to him at all.

IMO it was a nice gesture.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 29/11/2015 23:40

BUT it matters to OP.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 29/11/2015 23:40

Why is it OK for GP`s to ride roughshod over paarents?

Bloodybridget · 30/11/2015 02:11

'Ride roughshod' because they bought their grandson a lovely present, believing child's parents might not be able to afford it? For heaven's sake!

icelollycraving · 30/11/2015 02:15

Yabu. He gets what he really would like. Your mum was quicker off the mark. To ask her to return it would be ott.

Original poster

WeAreEternal · 30/11/2015 06:45

They have a copy of DS's Christmas list, so know the other things he wants.

They were here on Friday, we were talking about gifts and I told my mum that I hadn't bought it yet as I was hoping to get a deal.
I know there was no malice intended, we are very close with my parents, they are lovely people and the action has only come from good intentions, but I still can't help being annoyed.
It's his main/big gift we want to be the ones to give it to him.

OP posts:

wannabestressfree · 30/11/2015 06:48

Explain that then....

Quietlifenotonyournelly · 30/11/2015 07:17

If it matters that much, explain to your parents that this was to be the main gift and ask to buy it from them as I think it wouldn't be fair to ask them to return it (possibly inconvenient). If you're close they should understand.

Is there anything that was a close second (present) that you could suggest they buy instead?

80sMum · 30/11/2015 07:26

I think offering to buy it from them is the best solution. As you all get along so well, they won't take offence,surely?

BlueJug · 30/11/2015 07:31

If I were the grandparents I would feel hurt if you did this. I would also then be back to square 1 having got my Christmas presents organised early and have to re-buy. It takes away everything from them and they have to then buy something to order which is dispiriting.

Why do you need the glory? Let them give it to him. Enjoy their pleasure and his, find something else he wants, be generous in the true sense of the word.

LaContessaDiPlump · 30/11/2015 07:36

It's the sort of thing that my mother would have done, and I'd have felt just like you do. She'd have been all bruised feelings because she'd have been expecting to be lauded as the saviour of Christmas and to receive all the credit.

Obviously I don't know if your mum has form for this.....

Bunbaker · 30/11/2015 07:37

When my sister asks for DD's wish list I don't put the things on it that I want to buy her so why didn't you do the same? Your parents knew that you were struggling to buy this gift, and as they didn't want a disappointed grandson they bought it themselves thinking that they were doing you a favour.

I think you are being a bit precious about this. Your parents bought the gift with good intentions.

If it is that important that the gift comes from you then buy it from them. But at the end of the day your son won't care who bought it, just that his wish came true.

Whoknewitcouldbeso · 30/11/2015 07:40

I have to say I never understand these threads. My MIL wants to buy DS a bike. He is too young for it at the moment but when he needs a bike I would be delighted for her to be the one to buy it. To my mind it doesn't matter who gets the 'main' presents, the important thing is that the children are happy.

Your Mum and Dad have fine something lovely and thank you would be appropriate in my mind, not take it back!

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 30/11/2015 07:49

If I were the OP I would feel hurt if you did this. I would also then be back to square 1

Works both ways

HeteronormativeHaybales · 30/11/2015 07:54

Why is it so important to you to (as a PP aptly said) get the glory? It's not the beginning of a slippery slope at the end of which your parents eclipse you in your son's affections.

Accept it with good grace this year and next year don't tell them what you're getting him.

Youarentkiddingme · 30/11/2015 07:55

I think they've done it with good intention but understand why you feel the way you do.

What works here is DS gives a list. When people ask what he wants I ask for a budget range and just give them stuff from list to meet that. I simply email my mum the links to the cheapest offer at the time and she clicks and orders!

Ds gets what he wants and I don't get double bought stuff!

Sgtmajormummy · 30/11/2015 07:59

In six months' time nobody will remember who bought it, it will just be "the Xbox" or whatever.
I'd take it in the spirit that your parents are doing both of you a favour. They're probably so desperate to help in a non-intrusive way that they took your comment that you hadn't bought it yet as a cry for help.

Why do I think this? Because my DM gets very little info from DB about his family and she overthinks whatever he does tell her, jumping to the worst conclusion most times. She desperately wants "everything to be alright" which is sweet and a bit pathetic, too.
Unfortunately, I'm going down the same route...

Helloitsme15 · 30/11/2015 08:04

If she knew you were planning to buy the item, then she should not have bought if without checking with you.
What is she usually like - is this an act of kindness or is she usually controlling? Only you know.

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