AIBU to ask you each for a haiku?

[Clare1971]

Years ago my sister embroidered an advent calendar for us and each year I wrap and hang chocolates on it. As a joke, I suggested this year that instead of chocolates I could write and hang a haiku on each day. (Haiku - 3 line poem with 5, 7 and 5 syllables in each line). My DC's think it's a great idea so now I've got to write 24 bloody haikus. Turns out I am crap at it. EG: Christmas is coming, The goose is getting fat but, not as fat as me.
Anyone like to help me out?

Sparkling ribboned gifts,
Waiting for excited kids,
Underneath the tree.

Christmas trees are nice
But only with red, green and
Gold balls. No tinsel.

'Bah Humbug', said Scrooge
'I don't care for Tiny Tim.'
The Ghosts changed his mind.

You look really bad
In Granny's knitted jumper
I'm laughing at you!

I like the Queen's speech
I like the pigs in blankets
But I like you best

Trees put up too soon,
Loose all their bastard needles,
Where is the Hoover?

Time to decorate
Christmas tree and mantelpiece
Hang the mistletoe!

Stollen and mince pies
Turkey, sauce and Brussels sprouts
Andrews liver salts

Walking in the snow
Gloves on hands and hats on heads
Stomping in our boots

I hate plastic tat
I hate all the packaging
Let's not buy presents!

Waitrose website crashed
Online delivery chaos
No slots until Jan

Strange liqueurs lined up
Sell by date two years ago
Should be drinkable

Pimp the tree, lights on,
Tinsel, baubles, star on top,
Presents wrapped - waiting!

Shopping done, fridge full
Quiet anticipation
Maybe the best bit

Turkey stuffed, spuds crisp
Sprouts done, pudding steaming hot
Indigestion?

Fucking bastard cat
Has climbed up the fucking tree
Knock the fucker down!

Father Christmas said
"I'm leaving you all haikus
Instead of pressies!"

Procrastination:
She puts off going to bed,

Writes haikus instead.

Playmobil all wrapped.
Police money van this year.
Ds will be pleased!

Here come the actors
Jesus, Mary and Joseph
Now on with the show.

I'm just a donkey
I'd rather be an angel
Tinsel halo please!

commercial bollocks
an existential crisis
fucking hate christmas

These haikus are all wrong
Where are the season mentions
Winter makes me cross

Or if I'm not going to be such a pedant:

Festive fun for days
In wintry weather we play
Bring on all the snow!

Bollocks, delete the 'all' from my first one please :o

Let us celebrate!

The birth of our saviour.

Who died horribly.

O Secret Santa,
annual despair - let's avoid
all this til new year

Winter is coming
According to Game of Thrones
Buy me the box sets

I didn't make this up: its the only haiku I know off by heart, from a Rumer Godden children's novel

My two plum trees are
So gracious
See they flower
One now one later

Arh hark, holy ghost
which relatives irk the most?
they're coming to stay!

Santa is coming
What a load of utter crap
Mum buys everything

Turkeys panicking
"Please be vegetarian!
You won't like my breast!"

Angel on the tree
"Bloody branch up my jacksie -
Swap me for a star!"

Family is tense
Granny is such a racist
Pretend not to hear

Aled Jones is singing
Sounds like someone's grabbed his balls
Squawking in the air

Not a flake of snow
Might have known it would be grey
Heating's up too high

Bloody Christmas songs
Sick to death of all of them
Shut the fuck up Slade

A tub of Roses
Don't leave me the coffee creme
I fucking hate it

Quality Street - yum
How much toffee can I eat
Without throwing up?

Great. Mary Poppins.
You should take Jane and Michael
To Brixton High Street.

Marge is wearing 'Angel'
I think she has bathed in it
The smell hangs like sick

The Queen's speech at 3
I don't want to see footage
Just speak from the heart

A calamity
The dog's run into the tree
Pricey baubles smashed to bits

Should be at the church
I'm feeling really guilty
It's been quite a while

Shrek 7 is on
Lots of green great great grand kids
When will it all end

Not keen on tinsel
Because it's hairy glitter
Smells a bit weird too

Christmas lights tangled
Try not to lose your temper
Bloody frigging knots!

Turkey leftovers
Till at least February
Could murder a steak

No, my little peach
I don't want to get up yet
4 o'clock is EARLY!!

Kids are thrilled to bits
Shining eyes, Christmas onesies
Tantrums are brewing

I can't think of any more. Happy Christmas!

Haikus seem small,
Intricate, like fine sushi.
So big in Japan.