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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

grandparents going over the top with Christmas presents

96 replies

hazelnutlatte · 29/11/2015 16:39

Ok I know there are far worse things that grandparents can do but AIBU to be really pissed off that my parents have bought my dd's no less than 15 presents each for Christmas when they promised they would only get them a few gifts this year?
Last year they bought dd1 so many presents that most didn't get played with and me and dh only got to buy her 1 present from us as I knew it was going to be overwhelming as it was. We have limited space and this year we have dd2 as well so I asked my mum to reign it in for dd1 and to just buy a few practical bits for dd2 as she is only 6 months and won't care anyway.
Parents came round yesterday with presents (they will be abroad for Christmas) and there is a bin bag each full of presents! My mum knew full well that this was going to annoy me but I honestly think she has a bit of a shopping addiction and can't stop buying stuff! I really want to tell her to take some of it back but that would cause a huge argument.
My mum thinks I'm ungrateful and I suppose I am really but I just don't want this mountain of tat! WIBU to just hide some of the presents away?

I

OP posts:
DisappointedOne · 29/11/2015 16:40

Give them to charity.

Chilledmonkeybrains · 29/11/2015 16:42

Donate them. Regift them. Put some away for a rainy day. eBay them.

If she asks where something is, tell her the truth.

pudcat · 29/11/2015 16:43

I would hide some away and get them out later in the year. Or take some to the Salvation army for their toys children appeal

Original poster
hazelnutlatte · 29/11/2015 16:45

I really want to give some to charity but if I would have to do it without my mum finding out!
Also, I don't know what most of the presents are - do I just open a few at random?

OP posts:
DisappointedOne · 29/11/2015 16:46

If you don't tell her her that you don't want all hear gifts you're going to have the same problem next year, and the year after, and the year after.

misskatamari · 29/11/2015 16:48

I would probably put some away and spread them throughout the year/rotate them. I think grandparents often just get very excited about getting things for their grandchildren. My mum died this week and we've been over to sort through her things and there are piles of presents for my two. I know that I've told her before we don't want much for them as were pushed for space, but it is so touching to see how much she loved spoiling them and I know it made her really happy to get them things and see them enjoying them. I don't think you're being unreasonable to not want a load of tatt, but on the other hand, as long as your mum isn't being malicious with her present buying then I would accept graciously and focus on the fact that she loves your children very much and is probably just a bit overexcited at being able to treat them.

Chilledmonkeybrains · 29/11/2015 16:51

You could open them all, rewrap the ones you want to keep? Hassle though. Maybe open a tiny corner, enough to see and then restick!

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 29/11/2015 16:54

Open them carefully (so you can reseal them), pick a few choice ones and then donate the rest to charity.

TrinityForce · 29/11/2015 16:54

Well if you've asked her to only do a few presents each and she's done 15, let her find out what you've done with them.

It won't be repeated

IMO just keep them, let DDs open presents and whatever they open and play with they keep, anything unopened - donate or whatever.

Jo4040 · 29/11/2015 16:55

Miskatrami is right. She's got it sumed up. As long as she's not being malicious is the key phrase.

I understand fully your frustration (I am going through exactly the same thing)
However we havnt got a big income and over the year this big injection of 'toys'really helps.

claraschu · 29/11/2015 17:00

miskatrami that is very touching and lovely about your mum. How wonderful to have something to give your children from their loving Grandma, even though she is not there to give it herself.

Jo4040 · 29/11/2015 17:00

Also my ML spends about £450 on both DC and I spend around £250 so I just can't compete with that.

They have two Christmas. One at our house, the other at the other house. I tell the DCs its because grandma's chimney is bigger. SadConfusedSmile

derxa · 29/11/2015 17:04

Oh Good Lord.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 29/11/2015 17:05

Can you open bank accounts for the kids?
Opening gifts is easy, slide a knife round the tape. Reseal as necessary.

I would check - I did the same with MIL gifts, re gifted, saved some, some were identical to what I brought.
It made me feel as if she thought I was rubbish.

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 29/11/2015 17:11

I broached this with my parents a few years ago. We live in a tiny house and they'd go to town on buying stuff we just had no room for. Mum understood, and now they tend to buy a small token present for under the tree and then a cash amount to ether spend or go toward something bigger. This year we're clubbing the money together and heading for a mini break over Easter, as long as the sun do their cheap deals again!

Beth2511 · 29/11/2015 17:14

Do they tend to go to rheir grandparents house? Perhaps theybcan be toys for when they are there if they do

fredfredgeorgejnrsnr · 29/11/2015 17:18

Just talk to your mother, stop being a child and talk to her, tell her you cannot accept the goods, she's welcome to return them, or you'll be donating them to X. Don't just go along with it to avoid an "argument", you need to sort out an adult relationship with your parents and not just avoid things and build up resentment to avoid an argument.

MrsUltra · 29/11/2015 17:19

Mine did this, and it drove me doolally. When they were 2 & 4, I told DPs that Santa would be bringing the pressies, not rellies, so everything under the tree was from Santa. That cooled them off a bit

tiredandhungryalways · 29/11/2015 17:20

Yes you are being unreasonable, I think it's really lovely and they just want to spoil their grandchildren. They are not being malicious and if it bothers you that much like people have said give to women's aid or such places

Original poster
hazelnutlatte · 29/11/2015 17:21

Dissapointed my mum does know that I don't want all this stuff, we had an argument about it last year and she said she wouldn't do it this year.
I know it's not malicious but she also doesn't buy things with much thought. A few well chosen gifts would mean so much more than whatever is on offer at Costco, often the gifts are not even suitable for dd's age!

OP posts:
Original poster
hazelnutlatte · 29/11/2015 17:22

Beth unfortunately they don't go to their grandparents house much, they don't live nearby

OP posts:
CrumbledFeta · 29/11/2015 17:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Comebackbutler · 29/11/2015 17:22

A binbag full of gifts is too many from a grandparent if you have asked them to just get a couple of presents. I would find this annoying. However, at least she wants to get her GC things that she thinks they will like. It would still be annoying for you, especially when it limits what you can give your DC, but at least she is doing it with good intentions.

Original poster
hazelnutlatte · 29/11/2015 17:24

Fredfredgeorge I have talked to her about it a number of times, she just ignores whatever I say. When I say I want to avoid an argument I mean I want to avoid yet another argument! My mum thinks I'm being unreasonable and ungrateful

OP posts:
fawkes182 · 29/11/2015 17:30

If you don't want to row another idea would be to ask her what's her budget for the girls as they have picked out some bits then tell her a couple big present that are say a little more pricey so they only get 1 or 2 or however many you think and that way it keeps the numbers down. Personally I'd let her get on with it my mum goes over board but she gets such joy from it I'd never say don't cos she's like me loves to give xx

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