grandparents going over the top with Christmas presents

[hazelnutlatte]

Ok I know there are far worse things that grandparents can do but AIBU to be really pissed off that my parents have bought my dd's no less than 15 presents each for Christmas when they promised they would only get them a few gifts this year?
Last year they bought dd1 so many presents that most didn't get played with and me and dh only got to buy her 1 present from us as I knew it was going to be overwhelming as it was. We have limited space and this year we have dd2 as well so I asked my mum to reign it in for dd1 and to just buy a few practical bits for dd2 as she is only 6 months and won't care anyway.
Parents came round yesterday with presents (they will be abroad for Christmas) and there is a bin bag each full of presents! My mum knew full well that this was going to annoy me but I honestly think she has a bit of a shopping addiction and can't stop buying stuff! I really want to tell her to take some of it back but that would cause a huge argument.
My mum thinks I'm ungrateful and I suppose I am really but I just don't want this mountain of tat! WIBU to just hide some of the presents away?

I

Just wanted to add, going forward I would ask them to contribute to the children's bank accounts half of hat they were going to spend and therefore buy less presents

The children are your children for deciding whether to spoil or not. And I'd be quite clear this year when she asks "did they like X present" , reply with, I don't know as they haven't opened it yet. Then explain about the holding back of presents.

I dont appreciate you talking to me like that and will ask MN to remove he comment.

Thats fine by me.

And you know - you can always ignore me from now on in.

Its what I will be doing to you.

Kanga - that might work if it's the money that's the motivation for the mountain of things, but if it's because the grandparents like shopping (like some of the PP said), or because they want the 'wow!' factor from the mountain of boxes (rather than being fussed if the contents is 'wow'), if it's about the grandchild, then asking them to give money and just something the DGC really wants might work, but if it's not really about the grandchild, but about what the grandparent wants, then it won't work.

Kanga - and as the OP talked to her mum last year about it (including explaining the DCs don't play with it all) and she agreed to buy less things, then it doesn't seem to be about what the DGC would want at all.

Well I have just got loads for my dcs and if you count the number of presents in their stockings as well I have got them lots more than 25 presents per kid!

But they are silly things in the stocking, like tangerines, choc balls, silly toys, lip balm, nail files etc.

As I am not a grandparent I don't have to deal with that stuff!

We have a similar issue, although maybe not quite a bin bag each, however it is both sets of grandparents who go a little over the top. My mum has a bit of a shopping habit so I can understand that, part of her MH issues but she's actually pretty good with her selection and using our Amazon lists - and then it's DH's fault for putting the huge pony castle on the list!

The in laws are more likely to get random crap which is age inappropriate. I think they use it to make up for being rubbish in other aspects of parenting/grandparenting. If we complained about the lack of space they'd tell us it was our fault and to move out of London.

We do clear out fairly regularly and it is sad to chuck out stuff which has hardly been played with and enjoyed. Such a waste. And regifting isn't possible if the kids open it as they want it all unpackaged immediately. Opening them now is a good idea.

I think I get the gist of your point within the sentence dinosaur. The point here though is that the grandparents aren't the parents. So really, the OP can do what she likes. She doesn't need to give her parents a wow moment re big pile of presents. She needs an efficient way of reducing the Christmas morning present pile.

So many presents just spoils the day.
I would be inclined to open them to see what they are and rewrap and have 2 for the day and keep the rest back to open through the year.
Try and get them to put into a bank account for the DCs in future.

Haven't read the whole thread yet but iaes to have same thing with MIL. We didn't want to feel ungrateful but the amount of presents she used to buy was overwhelming. Both for the children to open as they lost interest after first 5 (one year there was 35 presents just from them for 1 child. I shit you not) and for me to store and keep tidy. This was joined by constantly buying bundles of unsuitable clothes all year round. We asked her to please stop and she refused. It was more about her shopping addiction than anything else and she didn't give a shit that I was causing me a lot of stress. And the kids were turning grabby and spoilt around her. Not pleasant. The only thing that stopped her was her own ill health. So I have no advice but I really know how you feel!

Oops typos.

let it go, let it go...

This is a good thread. I have the same problem with MIL. She will not only buy an entire santa sack for both kids, she will do the same for me and DH as well. And give money on top. They can afford it and they want to but it makes me feel terrible, guilty and anxious.
Honestly, I think thats part of the point. Its a way of displaying status.
We are going to my parents this year as my Mum has had a tough year and a bereavement.
My parents approach to christmas is very different. They could win the annual mumsnet competitive thrift championship without breaking stride.
I have had to arrange to see MIL after christmas and let her give the gifts then as there is no way on earth I can have my folks watch us all open them.
I wish she could just give 2 or 3 things that we could enjoy without feeling overwelmed.

My DM does this only it's not just Christmas presents, it's all year round. DS1 birthday is NYE so he gets Christmas and birthday within a week so throughout the year she will turn up almost weekly with gifts for him and say it's because he doesn't get anything the ought the year !

I'm really grateful but we only have so much room and it means I rarely get to choose his clothes or toys myself.

Any time I ask her not to buy she gets offended, buys stuff anyway, but then when she gives us it she says "I know you don't like me buying but..." Which makes me feel ungrateful and guilty.

My only suggestion and what pp have said would have been asking for gifts for their house, we've done that this year, but as you've already said they don't go there often I would probably regift or return some.

We had the same and asked all grandparents to stop buying 15 presents each and only get one. They were cross about it but they did stop.

YANBU. She needs to listen to what you are saying but as she is being selfish, it's what makes her feel good that is important to her, not about you or your children.

I'd give a few and donate the rest. If she does ask, tell her that as she doesn't listen you have no choice as it is too much, you don't have the space and your DCs just don't need it. Presents should be about the receiver not the giver but she clearly hasn't grasped that. Do you think she would pay money into an account for when they are older if you suggest it? Or has she actually spent very little and it's generally cheap crap?

YANBU and in your place I would go full on in telling the DGPs to give less. Even if you don't manage that, you may at least prevent them giving more and more year on year...

I am lucky in that most of our family/friends don't go too overboard. But I still think that most of them (having had more space/ fewer children in their family homes) don't appreciate that every "over-the-top" gift is a problem to be dealt with. It is hard enough finding homes for all the things that my DD (soon to be joined by DS) loves and plays with, let alone random unneeded things. It feels oppressive to me to watch more and more space in our house be gradually taken over by toys and it has already got to a point where there is actually less space to play because there are too many toys to play with.

I can't physically house a Wendy house tent, a play kitchen and a trampoline in our sitting room all at once, doesn't matter how grateful I am (or how much DD in fact loves all three...).

To lots of people on here - it is absolutely ok to feel "ungrateful" when someone is using your child as an outlet for their shopping habit, or when someone buys your child gifts to make themselves feel good. Really. Ungrate away. Nothing to be grateful for.
And if you never get to choose clothes or toys because someone else keeps buying it all - ebay is your friend. That giver is being selfish.

why is this such a thing with people going over the top with christmas gifts for grandchildren? my grandparents never used to do this we used to get a little gift off my nan sometimes it was just a selection box and colouring in book they never stepped on my mom and dad's toes over christmas gifts and to be fair i have better memories of my grandparents babysitting me teaching me to make jam and cakes etc why is STUFF so important to people these days

op yanbu my kids are in for it this year they have gifts from me gifts from there dad (we are separated) and nanny and grandad overboard (they always go overboard) ive taken to sending it back with a firm thanks it will be better stored at YOUR house im hoping after i did this last year i will have made my point my house is NOT a mansion i would like to buy gifts myself and i know they are going overboard because they are smug arsing about having them christmas eve so they get the "gifts in first" WHO GIVES A SHINY SHIT!

and yes i have returned gifts for store credit before and got something the children like (something smaller thank goodness) i don't feel i should be competed with over my own children because they are MY children (ours when exdp is about) they had theirs they raised there's now let me raise mine!

grandparents should be about good times and memories not competitive parenting and tension

Thanks all for the replies, it's good to know there are so many others with the same issue!
We opened the presents. My mum actually hasn't gone as overboard as she did last year so maybe she listened to me a bit! There are a few bits I will keep back and give to dd throughout the year (books, art and craft stuff) and some we will re gift or give to charity. If mum asks I will let her know what we have done.
We haven't opened any of the presents for dd2 - she is too young to care so we will just pick a few to go under the tree and let dd1 open them, the rest we will open when dd1 isn't around!