Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To think my birthday could have been acknowledged?

96 replies

trudgingalong · 29/11/2015 10:15

It was on Thursday and no one has even acknowledged it.

Not one card, gift, flowers or Cadburys Milk Tray has entered this house

What happens to you on your birthday? Admittedly birthdays and Christmas tend to be fairly low key but I don't think mines ever gone by without even a card before. AIBU to feel a mixture of amused and sort of hurt?

OP posts:

AlistairSim · 29/11/2015 13:02

The same thing happened to me this year. We were away and I didn't have so much as a card to open.
Only my mum and my best friend remembered and rang me to say Happy Birthday.
I spent the day feeling very sorry for myself.

Happy Belated Birthday to everyone who was forgotten.

KeepOnMoving1 · 29/11/2015 13:04

But if you don't make a deal of your birthday then you can't expect others to when you change your mind.

Original poster

trudgingalong · 29/11/2015 13:12

I don't, and I don't expect others to.

I expected - a card, maybe a box of Ferrero Roche and possibly a family meal out yesterday.

Hardly expecting a huge surprise party and cake

OP posts:

Wineandrosesagain · 29/11/2015 13:15

Op, why did you post? If birthdays "aren't a massive thing" and your DH "hasn't done anything wrong", then what's the problem?

Most posters are of the view that your family should have marked your birthday in some way, even if only to show your DC that their parents' birthdays are acknowledged as well as DC birthdays. Children love to give cards and presents.

Your DH has been very hurtful and still hasn't done anything to put it right, so clearly he doesn't think he's done anything wrong either. How sad.

Original poster

trudgingalong · 29/11/2015 13:18

Wineandroses - I felt some reactions on here were a little disproportionate to the 'offence'. DH had been inconsiderate but then as I've said I wasn't upset or distressed by it to rethink the entire relationship because of one missed birthday seems strange.

OP posts:

KeepOnMoving1 · 29/11/2015 13:24

Agree with Wine. To me a meal out would be a bit of a fuss, and since you didn't want that then you can hardly expect it.
I would think a birthday wish is enough for someone who didn't want a big deal.

Jibberjabberjooo · 29/11/2015 13:56

All the people that get their birthdays ignored, do you say something or just quietly feel hurt? As I don't see the point in not saying anything. It's crap not to be thought about and I wouldn't tolerate that behaviour.

Sparkletastic · 29/11/2015 14:01

Totally agree Jibber - it's not ok for family members to ignore one another's birthdays. What is life without occasional celebrations? I'm assertive and not a martyr though so would never let myself be neglected

Nanny0gg · 29/11/2015 14:08

Do you celebrate your DH and children's birthdays? (I appreciate the DC are only small).

Have you other family or friends that would normally at least send a card?

If you have small DC how do you celebrate Christmas?

I'm in my 60s and I still get cards from friends and family, and presents from those close to me.

And it's lovely when my DGC make a fuss too.

Original poster

trudgingalong · 29/11/2015 14:27

We acknowledge them

OP posts:

Nectarines · 29/11/2015 14:49

Sorry this is unhelpful but you have the same birthday as me!!

MatildaTheCat · 29/11/2015 14:56

OP, I'd be hurt, furious and and sad. Really very poor behaviour by your dh.

So tell him. He's fucked up and needs to know that yes, you do care and no, it's not too late to do something.

Tell him exactly what you want done. Ie I want to go to x restaurant next weekend. I would appreciate a bunch of decent flowers. And then chose yourself a gift using his credit card without any guilt.

I class birthdays as pretty low priority but wow, I do expect something.

Squeegle · 29/11/2015 15:30

I think the important thing is not whether birthdays are big in your house or not- it's about whether you felt hurt that he'd forgotten! And YES of course you did - and why wouldn't you - it is pretty universal in our culture that our nearest and dearest get us a card. Not doing this is very insulting really.

So what on earth was he thinking of - and if he isn't making some kind of apology gesture I would be very put out.

I have a feeling OP that he is selfish like this quite often and you're trying to normalise this behaviour. But it isn't normal - like I said even my XP who was highly selfish and uncooperative used to do birthdays!!

The question is... Are you willing to take this as the signal to speak up??

ohtheholidays · 29/11/2015 15:49

I think that's really poor of your husband.

I'm 40 and we still celebrate on my birthday.I've always got breakfast in bed,presents,cards,flowers,taken out for my birthday somewhere nice,I have a lovely birthday cake and DH refuses to let me do any cooking or cleaning on my Birthday or Mothers Day.

With our 5DC,DH used to buy they're gifts(they got to choose what they wanted to get me)and they're cards but now our 5DC like to buy for me themselves out of wages(oldest DS)and pocket money.

It's the same for DH's brithday and Fathers day he gets spoiled and treated all day.

All of the childrens birthdays we make a big deal out of,usually Mcdonalds breakfast in the morning(long time tradition now that they all love)they open all they're cards and presents,if they're Birthday is on a school day they get to take in sweets for all of they're class.
We either celebrate with a big party,or a couple of days away of they're choice or lots of us all go out for a meal together (the child who's birthday it is gets to choose a while before and we sort it all out)they have a made for them Birthday cake and a special meal.

I've always spoiled my Mum and Dad on they're birthdays and we buy for all of our great nephews and nieces(we used to buy for our nephews and nieces until they became parents themselves)always bought for my brother and his wife and my Aunts and Uncles and a few close friends and they're children.

Nanny0gg · 29/11/2015 16:47

DH had been inconsiderate but then as I've said I wasn't upset or distressed by it

So what was the point of your post? Why do you then care what anyone else thinks?

CharlotteCollins · 29/11/2015 16:57

Have you told him that even though you don't want a big thing made of it, you'd like your birthday acknowledged?

When my DCs were preschoolers, I started telling them when my birthday was coming up and suggesting they make a card. They loved the idea, drew and wrote (or dictated for me to write!) such lovely things.

I did have an H at the time, but he couldn't be relied on.

Also around that time, I taught my DCs not just to say thank you, but "thank you mummy you're the best mummy in the world!" Just because it made us all smile!

CharlotteCollins · 29/11/2015 16:59

BTW, my question at the top of my previous post is not to suggest that you were at fault, but to make sure that you are honest with him about how you feel.

I'm not sure you're being totally honest with yourself, actually. You are a little upset, and rightly so.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/11/2015 17:12

I woukd be angry at dh too and would tell him what he plans to do for your birthday. Not on, that is shit.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/11/2015 17:15

I have had my birthday ignored one year, well no present or card, just happy birthday and that was it. I told him in no uncertain terms that it was unacceptable, I would like a present it out for a meal. He has never made the same mistake since.

DawnOfTheDoggers · 29/11/2015 17:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 29/11/2015 17:22

I don't expect a huge fuss on my birthday but I love my cards.

I would be very hurt if dh didn't get me a card.

Flip

1 2 3 4