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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my birthday could have been acknowledged?

96 replies

trudgingalong · 29/11/2015 10:15

It was on Thursday and no one has even acknowledged it.

Not one card, gift, flowers or Cadburys Milk Tray has entered this house Hmm

What happens to you on your birthday? Admittedly birthdays and Christmas tend to be fairly low key but I don't think mines ever gone by without even a card before. AIBU to feel a mixture of amused and sort of hurt?

OP posts:
velourvoyageur · 29/11/2015 11:28

Aw, happy birthday!

Thinking of my parents having a birthday and everyone inc. me forgetting about it makes me feel really sad, it's just not on.
It's very important and you definitely deserve a fuss made of you. If anything, it's important for your kids' education too, learning to think of others & be thoughtful etc - they need to see that Mummy is as special as anyone in the family.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 29/11/2015 11:31

I asked before if this is the first time he's been a dickhead, is it?

Decide4Yourself · 29/11/2015 11:34

I think this could have happened with me if I hadn't been proactive about it. We are low key about birthdays but even so you want a bit of a fuss don't you. I'd be upfront about it being my birthday in a few days and tell the DC and DH that I don't mind about presents but I do expect cards and a fuss made. I'd offer to get my own present from my DH if he was extra busy with work.

It worked for us. DH is the type to randomly get me lovely presents so not getting me things on my actual birthday never bothered me.

waitingforsomething · 29/11/2015 11:46

Out of order of dh. A card wouldn't have been massive effort

Original poster
trudgingalong · 29/11/2015 11:53

I don't think he's been a dickhead! Grin Thoughtless, yes.

OP posts:
marmee · 29/11/2015 11:55

Happy birthday trudgingalong!

When I was about 10, I woke up with the horrible realisation that we'd forgotten my mum's birthday which had been a couple of days before. My dad was just useless with dates - he still doesn't know our birthdays. My mum had just kept it quietly to herself, but she was hurt, if not entirely surprised. I was really upset and I can still remember the feeling of having let her down so perhaps you should just be really open about it, try to resist the temptation (which I would find it hard to resist if it was me) to be martyrish about it (it doesn't sound like you're that kind of person) and give them a chance to make it up to you. Smile

Bambooshoots14 · 29/11/2015 11:59

Ltb

whatdoIget · 29/11/2015 12:06

I dint understand this thing of not making a massive deal out of birthdays and Christmas. Why the hell not?

UsedtobeFeckless · 29/11/2015 12:09

That's rotten - Happy Birthday! Wine Flowers

We do make a fuss on birthdays - cake, pressies, meal out or whatever. it was mine last week and I was wined and dined and carded and gifted and very nice it was too - but I did arrange the meal myself and invited everyone along and told them it was my birthday and generally made sure no bugger missed the memo!

Next year start a month before and make sure everyone's very aware that you DO want a bit of recognition or there will be consequences! Grin

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 29/11/2015 12:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RueDeWakening · 29/11/2015 12:28

Absolutely fuck all happened for my birthday this year and it ended in a 0 too - no acknowledgment from DH or the children (8, 5 & 2).

I got a cheque off my parents, and some vouchers off my sister, that was the sum total of goodies received. And had about half a dozen cards from extended family.

DH has form for this, he regularly doesn't buy me birthday presents, or acknowledge our wedding anniversary, and I give explicit directions re Christmas gifts. I'll be doing the same for birthdays from now on!

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 29/11/2015 12:28

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RueDeWakening · 29/11/2015 12:28

Happy birthday, though!

WineThanks

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 29/11/2015 12:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BearFeet · 29/11/2015 12:30

when you mentioned it was your birthday what did he say? The least he could say is happy birthday, I'm really sorry I forgot. Or did he realise and just choose not to mention it?

x2boys · 29/11/2015 12:34

it was my birthday last week dh phoned me from work to wish me happy birthday no cards or presents but we dont really make a big deal of adults bithdays tbh i,m 42 i got a card from my parents with £20 in it a card from dfil i bought a cake for tea and we had a drink that night i wasent bothered at all but i would rather forget birthdays these days.

Strangertides1 · 29/11/2015 12:36

Happy birthday op. And well done you for not being fuming! Am 35 of dh had forgotten by birthday, not even a card or flowers or a meal out I would be raging. It a lack of thought and appreciation, even if he has been busy in work, doe he not have a spare 10 mins to order a card and a gift?? I my option even the glue need to be taken care off.

longingforfun · 29/11/2015 12:38

I think that next year you will have to talk to your dc in the week before your birthday along the lines of 'ooh it's my birthday on [whatever day it is]. Are you going to make me a card/get daddy to take you shopping for a birthday present/practice singing happy birthday?' On your birthday, come down stairs singing 'happy birthday to me.'
If they still don't remember, there is no hope for you.

skankingpiglet · 29/11/2015 12:38

Awww Happy birthday for Thursday OP Flowers
This has made me cry as something similar happened to me this year. It was my first birthday since DM died and I told DH I didn't want anything fancy, just something low-key but to go out for the day to stay busy. He said he'd book the day off work (a good month earlier) and forgot until I asked the night before where we going. I hadn't asked before as I'd stupidly assumed he'd planned something nice for us and didn't want to spoil the surprise. I think from the floods of tears he realised he'd fucked up. I spent it with just me and my toddler but tbh didn't feel like leaving the house by that point so I stayed in and ate a lot of crisps. He came home with bundles of flowers and apologies but that wasn't what I needed Sad With DH it was just a massive massive over-sight. He's usually pretty thoughtful.
You need to tell him how you feel so it never happens again if it's out of character, otherwise think seriously about how you're valued and if it's the kind of position you want to be in.

Original poster
trudgingalong · 29/11/2015 12:49

I don't think what I do isn't valued because of my birthday. I think perhaps it's more to do with how people treat you throughout the year in any case - don't remember ever making a massive fuss of my own parents' birthdays, but then I do at least know when they are! Grin

OP posts:
BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 29/11/2015 12:50

"Absolutely fuck all happened for my birthday this year and it ended in a 0 too"

Almost the same thing here last summer. I got one card in the post from my youngest sister. Other than that, sweet FA. Even FaceBook sends you a reminder if you're forgetful or don't care that much. I was gutted. I still am.

It was my middle sister's 60th this year and I failed to acknowledge it in quiet revenge. On top of that, I was asked if I wanted to join said sister in a visit to family to celebrate this landmark event. I declined because I was going to be otherwise engaged. I wasn't in reality but why the fuck would I want to be an interested bystander, watching every single one of them making a big fuss of her when no-one could have been arsed to acknowledged mine the year before?

Still, in a roundabout way they've done me favour. I now understand how little I mean to them. It's a very painful realisation when I've been kind and generous to them all in the past but probably quite a valuable lesson.

Original poster
trudgingalong · 29/11/2015 12:52

To be honest this is one major reason that I don't ever want a fuss made over my birthday as the chilling feeling when it goes wrong is horrible and then you're reminded of it every year afterwards!

OP posts:
GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 29/11/2015 13:00

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Fairyliz · 29/11/2015 13:01

Bloody hell I'm in my late 50's and getting to the stage that I don't want any more birthdays; however I still get presents off DH, kids, parents inlaws, friends and work collegues.
I would be upset if no one remembered to say happy birthday and give me a cheap card.

Original poster
trudgingalong · 29/11/2015 13:01

Yes, mainly the party going wrong. I haven't had a party since I was 11 for this reason! Mainly people calling and cancelling on the day/week
Of the party.

OP posts: