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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my birthday could have been acknowledged?

96 replies

trudgingalong · 29/11/2015 10:15

It was on Thursday and no one has even acknowledged it.

Not one card, gift, flowers or Cadburys Milk Tray has entered this house Hmm

What happens to you on your birthday? Admittedly birthdays and Christmas tend to be fairly low key but I don't think mines ever gone by without even a card before. AIBU to feel a mixture of amused and sort of hurt?

OP posts:
Potatoface2 · 29/11/2015 10:39

when its your husbands birthday....just forget/ignore it....and if he says anything say 'oh i didnt think we were celebrating birthdays anymore'....and watch his face!

GruntledOne · 29/11/2015 10:40

I'd be pretty hurt by this. Sort out babysitters, book an expensive restaurant and tell your DH it's his treat.

Catzpyjamas · 29/11/2015 10:40

I'd be really upset if no one acknowledged my birthday. It is a big deal in my family but not in DHs. However even MIL always does at least a card.

Belated Happy Birthday to you.FlowersCake

MoreGilmoreGirls · 29/11/2015 10:41

You are 34 you are not old. I'm 42 with a young DS and a DH who works hard in a stressful job but he would never forget my birthday and makes a big thing about it. I think you need to tell your DH how hurt you are.

Jibberjabberjooo · 29/11/2015 10:41

I'd be gutted, and I think you should speak to your dh. It's the thoughtlessness that's the hurtful bit. It's nice to be appreciated. Stop being so reasonable and tell him how you feel. Everyone is busy at work, it doesn't take five minutes to do some internet shopping or pick up some flowers. Not good enough.

Original poster
trudgingalong · 29/11/2015 10:42

I think like a lot of women I am that glue - it's invisible but without it things would fall apart!

To be fair, though, I think some people do make more of a bigger 'thing' of birthdays than others and they've never been a huge deal here even for children; for adults they certainly aren't. Plus, my birthday weekend often coincides with everyone getting ready for Christmas so I have been used to being overlooked! Grin

That said, I was hoping for some Ferraro Roche!

OP posts:
catfordbetty · 29/11/2015 10:42

Your husband is behaving badly, especially by not trying to put things right. I would be very hurt if my birthday was so pointedly disregarded.

Epilepsyhelp · 29/11/2015 10:43

Oh my god. I would be beyond hurt. One day a year about you isn't exactly difficult, and it's hardly teaching your children to appreciate and be thankful for you if their father acts like you're completely irrelevant!

BaronessSamedi · 29/11/2015 10:46

is there more to this than him ignoring your birthday?
either way - i'd be very hurt and really angry.
is he always this thoughtless?

Jibberjabberjooo · 29/11/2015 10:47

Please don't tell me you always do something nice for him.

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 29/11/2015 10:49

OP that is terrible. I'm a bit shocked that you can't see that.

mintoil · 29/11/2015 10:50

Another one wondering if this is the tip of the iceberg?

For what it is worth I would go fucking apeshit if DH forgot ignored my birthday. So even when he realised he missed it, he didn't attempt to make up for it by making a huge apology and taking you out to dinner, buying you something thoughtful? Nice man.

mamas12 · 29/11/2015 10:51

right then you need to actually sit him down look him in the eye and let hi. Know that you are, well let's say disappointed for now and feel unappreciated Oates and you expect more from him.

MidnightVelvetthe4th · 29/11/2015 10:51

OK I'll be the first to mention it :)

OP is this a one off or does he have form for this type of behaviour?

What would his reaction be if you tried to discuss how hurt you are?

Original poster
trudgingalong · 29/11/2015 10:53

Mamas, I know it wasn't intentional but those typos have made me Grin

To be fair, birthdays aren't a massive thing here - nor is Christmas - so I don't think he's done anything wrong particularly. I suppose it's better than the year he hired a van for me Grin

OP posts:
catfordbetty · 29/11/2015 10:57

There's a difference between massive thing and no thing. Explain that next year you like to mark your birthday properly.

junebirthdaygirl · 29/11/2015 10:58

Do not let this go unnoticed. Your children need to learn from an early age to appreciate you and that's up to your dh. We never went overboard on birthday presents but birthday person was fussed over. Dh brought the children out to get silly little presents for me. I would tell him today is the day for celebration as he was too busy on the day. He needs to get into action with cake candles and the children lined up with a little wrapped present. You are preparing them for future partners. You are not nobody. Let loose on him while there is still time this morning. I hope you are getting a lie in at least.

BolshierAryaStark · 29/11/2015 10:58

That's awful tbh, I'm 37 in a few days & fully expect a fuss due to the DC's counting down for the last 2 weeks, they're 4 & 6 & love the fuss of birthdays-no matter whose it is.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 29/11/2015 10:59

Ah I think there's a lot in between it being a "massive thing" and baking completely overlooked or ignored isn't there? It's not as though saying happy birthday and popping to a shop for a card and some chocs is too much effort, I'd be quite hurt and would say so.

CatThiefKeith · 29/11/2015 11:00

The Christmas market is in Rochester, Kent. It on both days of next weekend.

Link

Original poster
trudgingalong · 29/11/2015 11:06

Shame - we're nowhere near it!

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 29/11/2015 11:09

I would be really hurt.

What did you do for his birthday and was he happy about it?

BrianButterfield · 29/11/2015 11:12

We don't go all out for adult birthdays - but you get breakfast in bed of your choice, cards, some presents (even if budget is low you get e.g. chocs wrapped up nicely and some token from the DC), a cake (store bought is fine) and a nice dinner (even if Tesco Finest Meal Deal) with a bottle of something nice. That's the basics - can be done for under £30 and not much effort. We rarely get to go out or have a party but we still mark the day.

Whoknewitcouldbeso · 29/11/2015 11:14

I think it's weird tbh. Do you still have your own family alive? Did they acknowledge your birthday? Friends?

ghostspirit · 29/11/2015 11:18

i have the same op :( there is not a single mention of my birthday. has not been since my dad died 10 years ago. i see my siblings having birthday and my mum posting have a lovely day. love you loads... bla bla... mine never gets a mention.

same with xmas. well it kind of might get mentioned something like what did the kids get you. yeah loads because they all have jobs :/ hoping it will be different this year.. kind of