to think birthdays have gone a bit grabby?

[stealtheatingtunnocks]

New thing at our school gate, instead of children taking a present to birthday parties - the birthday kid's mum is saying "he'd really like this...." and the invitee mums are all putting in a tenner.

So, you invite 15 kids to a party and you score £150 to buy a huge fancy gift for your kid.

Really makes me uncomfortable - it's effectively charging a tenner for a party, and, means that kids aren't choosing, wrapping or participating in gift giving.

Thoughts?

I have never heard of this anywhere apart from MN.

It's da best friends birthday next week. I asked his mum what he wanted. She was like 'he loves toy cars, but please don't spend much at all'

Not round here. And there seems to be an unspoken rule of not spending more than a fiver.

I honestly think this only happens in certain areas.

Fiver here too. Home bargains is usually the best place to go.

I actually have no problem with being asked to co tribute towards something rather than spending time I don't have on a gift.

i must be a crap shopper cos I really struggle to find anything that doesn't look like it belongs in a bargain bin fir a tenner or under. I always end up spending more just to ensure I have something that looks half decent. so these days I just give money or vouchers anyway.

very of these people who manage to find brilliant bargains and lovely looking gifts.

specifying an amount is a bit rude admittedly.

but then.i have sympathy because I know.what it's like to be given piles of stuff you haven't the space to house from family who like to spoil the kids so honestly if much rather know what I'm giving is something that will be appreciated

I would rather put a tenner in for a good gift, it's about what I would spend anyway and it means the child gets something they really like, I have never actually seen it done but I would not have a problem with it.

Never come across that, sounds very grabby.

when all mine have reached about 7yrs any birthday invite we would give them £5 in a card

always seems fine

Only seen it once, the child was saving up for a big toy, but the mum said not to put it in the card, there was a discreet piggy bank, you could stick in £2 or £20 unobserved. I did put in a tenner, because that's what I would usually have spent on the gift. Child still got to draw and write a fancy card.

Son at nearly ten has reached the point where we often get/give money/vouchers. This is fine with everyone so far.
Daughter at age four often gives a jam jar full of Rainbow Drops with five pounds in pound coins wrapped in cardboard with a note about finding the gold at the end of the rainbow. Has gone well so far.
I have no problem with money if it means the child gets something they want. I have a problem with specifying an amount.

Parties tend to cost at least 100€ in my experience (so I assume they aren't cheaper in the UK). I don't think people do them as a money making exercise.

That said people don't ask for money here (abroad) - I almost with they did as it would be very easy. Kids here usually have a wish basket at the local toy shop - if your kid is invited to a party you go and look (or it says on the invite) in the local toy shop to see if they have a wish basket, and pick something from it. I love this as it makes it easier to buy something the child actually wants rather than gift giving being a ridiculous polite parlour game of children pretending to like random impersonal stuff bought solely because it was on offer, or because the giver believes in giving books, or whatever...

DS3 received an invite last week which suggested one very specific toy which he'd like - talking to other parents everyone has had a different single toy suggestion and has gone and searched their item out. Luckily I didn't leave buying it until the last minute as nowhere local had it in and I've had to order it and its €15 (usually spend €10-12). That is entitled and grabby IMO

Common to club together here recently - and to ask for some suggestions - at least for DS12 and his friends. But it is always, always initiated by invitees - never seen someone ask for birthday gifts.

Most people around where I live would put in £10-20 for a kid's gift anyway, so asking for the cash instead isn't unreasonable. Plus parents spend a lot of time and money on parties; it's not ethical (in my opinion) to go to a party that costs the parents a lot of money to host & then fob the kid off with a cheapo present.

but its the parents choice if they spend £££££££ on a party NOT the guest

and round here the gifts are not £10-20 worth and i wouldnt want the guest's parents to spend that

it wouldnt happen here normal primary.normal area

£10-20 is normal in my area £20 is generally for the 'closest friends'

I think I'd personally rather give the money towards a gift then buy a gift that will probably just be abandoned

I loved it when DC got presents that i would never have thought of, or things DC played with at others houses. Really expands their ideas.

I don't like giving cash as it is an entry fee, weddings are even worse for this. I like to choose and wrap a gift.

Wow, never heard of (or seen) this before.

DS2 is 5 in January so I've had people ask what he'd like for birthday and christmas gifts, but wouldn't for a second dream of asking people for specific items. It's madness.

@seasidesally - last party I was invited to was a fully paid trip to Gullivers Land that must have cost hundreds. One before was Euro Disney (including hotel) which I had to decline on my neice's behalf because there's no way giving less than £100 would have been ethical there. So yeah I probably don't live in a 'normal' area.