to think birthdays have gone a bit grabby?

[stealtheatingtunnocks]

New thing at our school gate, instead of children taking a present to birthday parties - the birthday kid's mum is saying "he'd really like this...." and the invitee mums are all putting in a tenner.

So, you invite 15 kids to a party and you score £150 to buy a huge fancy gift for your kid.

Really makes me uncomfortable - it's effectively charging a tenner for a party, and, means that kids aren't choosing, wrapping or participating in gift giving.

Thoughts?

Average spend here is probably more like 10 than 5. Certainly 10 if it is a voucher/cash. Probably a bit less for gift as you can take advantage of offers etc. Probably a bit more if small birthday treat for close friend.

It's horrible. And £10!

I would honestly prefer to say "no gifts please", I find it awkward to invite people and put a virtual obligation on them to source and bring a gift. But my kids take gifts all year round and it would be a bit hard on them.

I do like the idea of everyone bringing at £1 or £2 coin and the birthday child choosing a nice present with that. But I would never suggest it, it can come across as grabby to dictate/"suggest" gifts in any way.

Am now passively-aggressively ignoring texts about stumping up a tenner. Can't quite figure out how to reply

"I've bought a lovely fancy colouring in book and posh pencils (more than a tenner!) and I don't want to be in your gang"

Am avoiding the school gate. Teeth too itchy to go there.

I didn't remotely mean that people should be buying presents to cover the cost of the party or that parties were fund raisers for "big ticket items". I meant the opposite if anything - if all that mattered was the presents then the parent would do better just buying the "big ticket item" rather than spending money hosting a party.

We mainly do parties at home til age 8, after that we've done things like bowling, cinema, climbing wall, football party at a specialised venue, fun park, Actually I think I spend more on the parties at home because I plan activities and end up buying stuff - decorations, craft activity items, prizes, food, party bags. Bowling comes in cheaper than home party as there is a set "package" price... None of its fancy but tend to spend around €100.

I think it unlikely many people have ever put a party on for their child mainly as a sort of fund-raiser to pay for presents, and if they have they probably didn't do the maths properly!

Stealth a quick reply is best. If you leave it, it looks like you've considered it. Like if you decline an invitation as soon as you get it, it looks more convincing. Can you blame your DC - "cheers but Annabel's already picked something out"

that's a great line, Cressandra, thanks.

Will do.

We'll be the lone present in a sea of cards. Feck it.