AIBU for not changing my day out with DD so friend can come

[NeedSomePeaceAndQuite]

I have a 3 yo DD and have booked for us to go to a winter wonderland type thing in December before the schools break up so it won't be as busy hopefully I've already got our tickets and paid extra for her to meet Santa and I'm really looking forward to a day just the two of us.

Now my DFriend knows we're going and has decided that her DD would love to go so I should change mine and DDs tickets to go on a day when her DD has broken up from school then I can drive them both with me and we can all go together but I've said no. I purposely choose a date that I think would be better for me and DD and don't want to go when the schools have broken up so just going to keep my tickets and have a daughter day with my DD

She is not happy, apparently I'm depriving her DD of a day out she would love when I could easily change my dates and my DD would enjoy it more having someone else there

So AIBU refusing to change mine and DDs tickets ?

Stay strong OP - No No No No No.

Nope! Stick to your guns! Your friend has a brass neck.

God no, YANBU. Stick to your plans and have a lovely day without the crowds with your dd.
She is responsible for organising entertainment for her dd, not you. And it sounds like she'd like you to provide a taxi service tbh.
Don't engage with her any more over this.

No YANBU but your so called friend sounds like a right user OP.

It may not be that easy to get to but I was a single Mum to 4DC,youngest was a newborn and my second youngest was autistic but I still managed to take my children out for special days like that and I didn't drive or have any help at all.

She's an adult and her DD is her responsibility if she really wants to take her DD there she'll find another way.

YANBU.

She needs to find another taxi driver and quit it with the manipulative talk of deprivation.

I've just messaged her back to try and end the conversation and basically just said

Sorry I'm not going to change my tickets I booked XX date because that's the best date for me and DD to go and any other day is going to be a nightmare so going to leave it how it is and just go with my DD.

This will either go two ways, she'll ignore me for a while in a strop or she'll carry on trying to get me to change

What a cheeky mare , she just wants you as a taxi service. If she's that desparate can't she pay for a taxi, or pay a friend to drive her! No do not change your plans, keep telling her no.

No. YANBU.

But if she wants to pay for you to go again, while you are being a taxi... That would work?

As bad as this might sound I want to go with just my DD it's so hard for us to get the chance to do big days like this that I want it to be just for us

I totally understand, having her and her dd there, will totally change it. If she fails to understand, she is not much of a friend.

No, just stuck to your plans. Your 'friend' just wants a free ride to the venue.

If she did either of the 2 things you've said you think she'll do then I'm afraid that would be the end of the friendship for me.

I couldn't stand girls that tried to manipulate others when I was at school,there's no way I'd be able to put up with that now from another adult.

People who treat you like this are not good friends.

Some people don't like doing stuff like this on their own with their kids. Most of my friends organise everything in groups. They don't get it when my and my kid do stuff on our own. I like it though.

That doesn't sound bad it sounds lovely and I bet you and your DD will have a lovely time and will build some lovely memories together.

I have 5DC and a lovely DH,tomorrow my oldest child DS19 is taking me out for lunch and were going to do some Christmas shopping.I help him look for gifts he wants to buy for his 4 siblings,his Dad(my DH)and my exH and his wife and they're 2 LO's(his bio Dad,and stepbrothers)I usually treat us to lunch somewhere nice but this year DS is insisting on treating me,were both really looking forward to it.

It's something I do with all the children,next weekend I'll be doing the same again this time with our 2DDS(12 and 8)they want to go into town together with me,then the following weekend I'll be going out with DS14 and then the weekend after with DS17.

It's a lovely tradition for us and it's something I and our 5DC really look forward to.

I think it's important to have time alone with your children if you can.

I love you OP - threads like this make me go "right on!"

You asked if you were being unreasonable. We said "fuck no you're not being unreasonable". You said "good, I'm telling her straight".

No mithering about how you might sound as to not hurt her feelings, no wringing your hands. I like it! A strong OP

I completely get what you mean about doing things with DD and only DD. I even like to do things on my own and need to start making a policy of not mentioning plans when I don't want company.

Normally when we do big days out my OH and DSC go to so its a family day by for various reasons the only people that can go is me and DD which doesn't happen often

She messaged me back saying that it's such a shame I don't want to spend the day with her and her DD and she's going to be so disappointed now when she tells her she can't go anymore but I should have a great day

I'm a by embarrassed to say I kind of lost my shit I messaged back saying

Don't try and make me feel guilty because I don't want to change plans I have with my DD to fit in with what you want to do. I was clear from the start when you invited yourself along that I wasn't going to change the date. If your DD is disappointed then you've got no one to blame but yourself because you shouldn't have promised her something that you couldn't guilt me into. I'm done talking about this I will have a great day with my DD thank you

She's an idiot.

Any of my other friends would have said oh that sounds good would you mind if we come along but I know I could have easily said actually I want to go just me and DD and there would have been no problems so she ha really annoyed me having a little tantrum about this and trying to ruin something I've been really looking forward to

YANBU. She's trying to make you feel bad by piling on the guilt.

Some people have absolutely no fucking shame. She's being a total twat, and a cheeky one at that! She should NOT have promised her daughter something she didn't know for certain was going to happen so she's also a twat for upsetting her daughter. If in fact she actually has done that and it wasn't bullshit to get you to change your mind

Good for you OP. Enjoy a lovely day with your dd and make your own special memories. Friend is responsible for making her own, not you.