to refuse to see THAT Dr and request a female one?

[cjt110]

Backstory....

Firstly, when I was pregnant with DS I was shared care due to a medical condition. At my first appt with the Obstetrics Dr, he fully supported my decision to have my baby at the birth centre rather than the labour ward. He asked me to get an opinion from my medical tam for my health condition and he would see me in a few months time. I got the opinion he requested which stated they could see no issue whatsoever with me birthing at the birth centre rather than the labour ward and the fact I had chosen out of 2 hospitals the one which had both a labour and birth centre that they were happy should there be any issues whatsoever, I could easily be moved. But that they didnt envisage any issues.

He read this letter and told me... Yes told me... that I would be birthing on the labour ward. I queried his previous support and he said that he wanted me to go to labour ward. No further explanation. I had a further appointment sent through which I cancelled and my midwife had the Consultant midwife consider the medical team's opinion, as well as the Obstetrics consultant and put a birth plan in place for me and was more than happy for me to birth at the birth centre.....

So, I have been referred to gynae 15m post baby as I am still very sore during and after intimacy with my husband. Went onto choose and book. All good.

Got my letter from the hospital confirming the appointment. It's that same Dr. So 1. AIBU to say I don't want to see him after his complete ignorance of my request and medical support and 2. that even if it wasn't the case, I want to see a female Dr?

If he is a consultant they may not have another one to offer you.

But, yanbu. Ask anyway. I have seen 2 consultants one for gyn and one for something else. Both male, both had bedside manner of a cactus. One made me cry. Ran away, far far away, did not continue down medical route. What a horrible experience.

He was just so horrid. Silly little man.

They might have more than one Dr on as I noticed when booking they had multiple appointments for the same time so I assume a clinic with a few Drs on that day?

I really don't want to see him if it can be avoided. Would prefer a lady but would be happy with another man, just not him.

I know they see bits and bobs all the time so it's nothing to them but it's a bit embarrassing talking about your sex life and fanjo with a random fella even if he is medically qualified

I had it written in my referral that under no circumstances did I want to see the doctor that delivered my son (returning to sort out birth injuries) he was a complete asshole. They were fine but when I saw the registrar at the hospital she asked me why it was written that I didn't want to see that doctor which was awkward as I didn't really want to go into it and it was none of her business.

There will be tons of consultants with their teams of registrars so it shouldn't be a big deal to them. Hope you get a nice doctor.

I would definitely ring and enquire- even with the outpatients reception team, who can direct you to the right person if necessary. Even if you can't change consultant- and I don't know why that would be the case- they usually have a registrar at the clinic who you could see instead.

You have absolutely every right to request you do not see this doctor and that you want to see a female doctor
Your body, they need your permission to even enter the room never mind talk to you and put their hands on you
So phone them up make the request and think nothing of it
I only see female doctors and ask and check all time and usually everyone is lovely and I haven't seen a male doctor for about twenty years now
Good luck

I called the Gynae reception and they lady was lovely - I said I wanted to see a female Dr but had been given an appt with a male one. She said to just mention it when I book in on the day and she is sure they should be able to accommodate me.

You can request who you want to see. Once I found a supportive Obs consultant, I stuck to her like glue. Our current arrangement is that as soon as I get a positive pregnancy test, I email her.

This is NHS, btw. I think it is a great shame how unempowered a lot of women seem to feel when it comes to NHS Obs; there's a sense a lot of women feel a bit chewed up by the system. It doesn't have to be like that.

That's a great relief for you and I hope they put that on your notes too.
Just keep asking every time and most people are lovely and will accommodate you
You just have to stick up for yourself.

Its just very embarrassing anyway and Im not sure I could talk openly, and feel comfortable with that Dr.

Can I put a different slant on it?

I have no problems male or female and don't really get why 'a random fella' is any different to 'a random lassie' - they are both unknown male or female doctors to you!

However see that bit where you rang reception, having worked in the system I wouldn't advise that. Yes it's perfectly possible it might happen and no one will go out of their way to not make it happen. However it's very possible that the male consultant has a male reg that day and then your stuck with either rebooking for another day or a male. They can't get a female from nowhere. Also you mentioned that several spots at one time, they doesn't correspond to how many doctors, often multiple people have the same slot rather than five past, ten past etc

If I were you, I would swap to another female consultant clinic, especially as then you are guaranteed at least one female staff member present.

Another thought a reg may need to get a consultant opinion on you and then. If you haven't swapped clinics you have a problem as you don't want this consultant.

Imo it would be easier and less stressful for you to swap clinics

holiday It's not just an issue over a male Dr. I don't want to be seen by that Dr and preferably, if at all possible by a female Dr but would rather be seen by another male Dr than THAT doctor.

Those are very good points there holiday
Op what I have done is phone up and insist they put it in my notes that I only see female health care practitioners, which includes nurses.
I then email with the confirmation of telephone call we have just had.
There is usually no problem and people are lovely.
If they haven't been able to to help then I have asked them their advice and once I did have to go to another clinic and that was fine with me too.
So could you ring them up again and just make sure you put your mind at rest before you get there and you really want to concentrate on your consultation and what happens then not have the "fight" the distratraction distress of not wanting to see this Dr on the day.

Swap clinics.
Either the booking people or your GP practice can add a note on requesting a female consultant, it's very easy.

I used to be a clerk for choose and book and do this all the time. They might not be able to see when booking whose clinic it is but the confirmation screen usually tells you.
I used to go through several appointments with the odd patient before they were happy.

Can't you change your appointment online?

If on the day you have the same guy as last time you will have to got through the whole waiting again.

You need to swap clinics not just say you want a female doctor on the day.

The consultant is in charge of the clinic. He almost certainly will have female juniors who could see you on the day but what if it's a complicated problem they want to run by the consultant? Ultimately you don't want him involved in your care.

Call back, make it clear you want to see a different consultant and ideally a female one (this might not be so easy to accommodate but there are a lot of women working in obs and gynae so worth trying)

Good points. I will make a call tomorrow.