To think the notion of a "Birthday BJ" shouldn't exist.

[MySordidCakeSecret]

just that really.. does anyone else have to deal with this bright idea?

he knows i'm not overly keen, it does happen occasionally.. last time was back in august, it happens maybe a handful of times a yr? i don't think that's too bad but by the sounds of it it's a weekly thing for others?

OP it doesn't matter what other people do...if you don't want to do it, then don't!! I don't either. Lots of women and men too don't like giving oral.YOU DECIDE!! No one else.

My OH always wants half now and half later😇😭

it happens maybe a handful of times a yr? i don't think that's too bad but by the sounds of it it's a weekly thing for others?

What, blowjobs? I went through a phase of being kind of into them with a past boyfriend and have hated the idea both before and since. So I don't do them. It's that simple.

DP isn't particularly keen anyway, but he wouldn't think to even so much as hint at them regardless - if he were into them he would happily receive if I were happy to give, but there would be no real reason to prompt me to do it, why would there be? Either you enjoy doing it and offer to do so and DP learns you enjoy it, or you don't offer and he gets the fucking hint from that. Do you get what I mean?

You shouldn't be taking cues on what you should or shouldn't be willing to do from what others do, or from what your 'D'P wants you to do...

You should do what you want to do, not what others advise.
For us the birthday bj works. We both like giving and receiving so it's good all round.

A "handful" of times sounds like it would be quite nice for him

Please don't do anything you aren't happy with. It doesn't matter if your neighbour gives her oh a bj 3x a day.

I've heard of this but always felt sad
for those that say it/indulge in it as me and dh do this all the time :) not just of special occasiona or because we feel we have to!

Vestalvirgin clearly you've never had a tongue in your vagina

Harsh, Rogan. It's a short thread.

OP, don't worry about others, plenty don't do at all or do occasionally. Are you ok doing it the handful of times that you do?

I see it as being a bit like a foot rub or a massage as birthday treat.

My poor DP panicked as we had an argument the day before his birthday and he nearly ended up not getting a birthday bj even though he gets one every other day of the year--

I think that the notion of doing something nice for your loved one on their birthday is perfectly natural. Obviously if you don't like doing it, then don't, but if it's something you do at times, like a massage or foot rub, why wouldn't you?

Just seen that he knows you don't like doing it. In that case, he is out of order.

There are things I am happy to do for my DP but I know he wouldn't be comfortable doing for me. That's fine, we both make each other happy without compromising our own happiness.

Hold the fucking phone here!

I gave my DP a bj on MY birthday?!
I clearly have been mugged off.

Did he convince you that that's what a birthday bj is?!

Haha. No I know what a birthday bj is. I was just feeling extra charitable because it was my birthday and I was in a good mood!

No. Only one reason to have sex of any kind and that is because you genuinely want to. That doesn't mean you can't genuinely want to for the main purpose of giving someone else pleasure, of course. However, unless you really feel like it at the time, I personally just wouldn't do it. Pressuring someone into it is just wrong and you shouldn't have to feel it has to be indulged.

Lol! My hubby 'jokes' about this on his birthday. We have a laugh about the idea (not a bj, a birthday bj). Think you got too slated for asking this. Made me laugh.

My poor DP panicked as we had an argument the day before his birthday and he nearly ended up not getting a birthday bj even though he gets one every other day of the year

I don't find this funny at all. It just sounds terribly sad.

Why sad Smilla? We both thought it was funny.

He didn't literally panic, it was just a turn of phrase.

He joked about the cruel irony but would of course have been totally understanding if it hadn't happened. Similarly if I'd narrowly missed my nightly foot rub on my birthday I might be a bit peeved. Doesn't make me some sort of foot-fetish-tyrant.

Oh and his nightly love-in happens after I have been completely satisfied first, this is not some down trodden surrendered wife thing. BJs don't have to be the preserve of a selfish one-sided lover. Some people just prefer to experience their pleasure one at a time.

We just have very different relationships, I guess. Different strokes for different folks. My DP thought I was being daft and you were obviously BSing about your sex life as some sort of joke and I had to explain that, no, I was fairly sure that bit was true.

I've never heard of this apart from on MN where its mentioned every so often. Nowhere else at all. Id burst out laughing if OH asked me for a birthday bj but Id do it why not.obviously not laughing whilst Im doing it tho! Just a bit of fun between a couple as I see it. If this is supposed to be about feeling forced or obligated to pleasure your partner in a way he knows you dislike then your problems are bigger than a BJ

Id burst out laughing if OH asked me for a birthday bj but Id do it why not.

I think that's an incredibly unhelpful comment on a thread where the OP feels pressured to do it while not wanting to and looking to others for cues on what she should do...

well his birthday's passed now thank god and it didn't happen.

It came to the late evening and the baby went to sleep and he dropped a lot of hints and straight up asked but i said no i didn't want to and he was disappointed but we still dtd and i thought it was ok.

I’ve never “expected” anything on a birthday but been lucky enough to have had many “special treats” of differing kinds and they are exactly that… special!

Some people like material things, some people like intimate things but I think we all like our partners to acknowledge the things we like and give us a little bit of positive attention every now and then. The key thing is that it’s not an “expectation”, intimacy like that is a gift and gifts given with love and sincerity always mean more.

Anybody who expects their partner to go through the motions when they don’t really want to because it’s a certain date is using the other as a sex aid, they’d be as well sorting themselves out and then thinking about how to be a better partner, you never know, if you treat them with a bit more love, you might end up getting something even more special on a random Tuesday afternoon when you have some time between Zoom calls.