Never braved AIBU before.. but am quite het up about this so i’d appreciate an outsiders view.
I have been with my DP for a little over a year, he knows my 2 DDs quite well and also knows that birthdays in my house are a big deal, as is Christmas and easter.
DD1 is always on about her birthday as she always thinks she’s hard done by having to wait all year (we all have summer birthdays, apart from her)and then it being close to Christmas! I can understand her reasoning, even though I don’t agree with her being hard done by!
On Monday she will be 9 – when my DDs are with their dad for occasions like this (50/50 parenting) we celebrate the Thursday before. So today was the day that she was having her birthday with me.
My DP has no money left – he had an unexpected tax bill in October which left him short – and so hasn’t got anything DD1 for her birthday (his credit card didn’t go through on Sunday trying to put petrol in his car). He is not generally tight with money but not overly generous as he can’t really afford to be.
I am actually very upset for her and know that when she has her tea party tonight with my mum she will be “expecting” a little something from him (he got DD2 rollerblades when it was her bday in July), she might ask me but probably will not say anything directly to him, which will save him the discomfort of having to reply. She is quite shy and hates confrontation and has been brought up with manners (I hope!) so she knows asking for presents is a no-no. But i know she will be thinging about it. This morning he said he felt bad and would get her something “later”. AIBU thinking when your 9, 3 weeks later isn’t quite the same. (double standards I know as she has 2 birthdays as it is). In the coming weeks she is away on a trip and then with her father, which means it wont be possible to re-do a bithday bash before then.
I start getting birthday/Christmas things in the summer and do it all through the year to avoid having to pay for it all in one go as I can’t afford much anyway (even though this year she is being spoilt enough by me as she got a kindle, a lego set and some CDs). He has no children so I can understand that forward planning regarding birthdays and things is a little abstract to him. But still. I’m so upset for her. I'm thinking what message does it send out to my DDs, caring for them etc. AIBU? A nice card would be something as DD keeps them all and often brings them out and looks at them in the year (.. helps with the waiting!!).
For the record, he earns a little more than I do and we don’t live together so still have separate mortgages and stuff.
I left my exH for many reasons. His lack of implication in the family/planning/issues with money were amongst them.