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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not let these children come to my DDs party?

30 replies

Caravanoflove · 23/11/2015 14:28

DD has her 7th birthday coming up, I've invited about half the class to her party. Due to the type of party I have to confirm and pay for exact numbers in advance. I asked if people could rsvp by yesterday and added a note to the invite that I had to confirm numbers by this date.
Only half have replied. There's still a good number coming, enough for a nice party. Would I be unreasonable to not chase the non responders and if they do respond say sorry, tough (but in a nice way).
My worry is this will piss people off, I do know a lot of the mums to socialise with, and worry it will mean my dd will be excluded from future parties.
What would you think if you responded late to an invite to be told, sorry, too late?!

OP posts:

AwfulCuntForTheButter · 23/11/2015 14:31

I'd think 'Fair enough'. You included a note stating specifically that you needed numbers by a certain date - you didn't exactly spring that on the invitees.

Sure, a few people will probably grouse, but you're NBU. It's not difficult to respond to a party invitation! I hope your DD has a lovely party.

schokolade · 23/11/2015 14:33

I would think it my own fault.

If you're worried and can be Bothered perhaps you could ring around. No obligation to though!

KeepOnMoving1 · 23/11/2015 14:33

I think maybe just a last text reminder and if anyone doesn't respond to that then don't cater to that.?

schokolade · 23/11/2015 14:33

I suspect those who'd think "fair enough" have mostly already replied though... not your problem however

steppemum · 23/11/2015 14:33

I would only chase kids who dd really wanted there. (best friend etc)

LadyColinCampbell · 23/11/2015 14:35

I'd worry that chasing them would put them on the spot, they'd say "yes we'll come" without thinking about it, then might not turn up on the day, having forgotten a prior engagement and thereby costing you money. I'd do exactly as you suggested and would consider it my own fault for not responding by the date you asked.

00100001 · 23/11/2015 14:35

I wouldn't bother chasing tbh

Daisysbear · 23/11/2015 14:41

It might have genuinely slipped some parents minds, with other stuff going on etc.
I'd just send a polite reminder saying that the venue have agreed to allow an extension for final numbers until this evening, so if anyone would still like to be included to let you know by 6pm.

Lostcat2 · 23/11/2015 14:44

WhatDaisy says

purpledasies · 23/11/2015 14:47

If you've invited them by email, I'd do a quick chase and ask them to let you know by the end of the day. If you've handed out paper invites it's not easy to chase so I wouldn't bother, unless there's any particularly close friends of hers or yours who've not replied.

IME most people who don't reply don't turn up either.

mouldycheesefan · 23/11/2015 14:47

In eight years of kids parties I have never had a single person who hasn't replied.

It must be very frustrating!

Pootles2010 · 23/11/2015 14:48

Depends, how did invites go out? I know we've had invites lost at the bottom of DS's tray at school, and only found out when they sent a reminder.

fuzzywuzzy · 23/11/2015 14:49

set up a whatsapp group of the mums who haven't responded and say can I have a quick response for DD's party I need to pay now. Thanks.

you need to keep the mums relatively sweet if your DD will be spending another four years at this school and you socialise with the mums.

WoodHeaven · 23/11/2015 14:54

What steppemum said.
Be on the look out for the friends she wants to see at her party and contact those if you can.

For the others, is it clear from your invite that if people haven't answered by x date, then they won't be able to come? For each b'day, I've had people not getting back to me. Some didn't come but some still turned up to the party

Ilikedmyoldusernamebetter · 23/11/2015 14:54

I would ring around - kids are disorganised and lose invites, or think they have given the invites to their parents but haven't.

Parents are disorganised - are you happy penalising the kids?

Perhaps most importantly did your DD agonise over her guest list a year months in advance and carefully decide who to invite based on who had invited her and who her bffs are etc? Won't your DD be sad not to have those kids at her party? Parties are often much anticipated and talked about afterwards at age 7...

I always think people are doing us more of a favour by buying a present and getting their kids to my kids' party than I am by inviting them - after all a party for my child matters a hundred times more to my child than to any one invitee, and matters not a jot to another child's parents, and might well be an inconvenience...

TurnWifiOn · 23/11/2015 14:57

I would chase any close friends that hadn't responded and ignore the others tbh.

bluebolt · 23/11/2015 15:00

If you could I would do a quick chase up, through my DC primary years there have been lost invites, lost replies, and verbal replies to DC that where forgotten.

00100001 · 23/11/2015 15:04

why would you bother chasing people up who can't be bothered to RSVP?

Ilikedmyoldusernamebetter · 23/11/2015 15:06

001 for her DD's sake presumably She didn't organise the party as a public service, it's all for the birthday child... surely?

00100001 · 23/11/2015 15:08

Well, why bother having a deadline and RSVP then?

Bimblywibbler · 23/11/2015 15:09

Not U but chase first. We've had invites go genuinely AWOL at both school and nursery. Unless you physically put the invitation in the parent's hand, at least check they received it.

We've also had parents tell their 6 year old to tell my 6 year old they were coming. It's not the most resilient of routes.

fusionconfusion · 23/11/2015 15:10

Here it is a nightmare, NO one responds, they just show up (or not). So I invited 25 last year and 15 came, but I had only had 3 responders the morning of the party. Headwreck.

I think you've done enough.

00100001 · 23/11/2015 15:11

This is why you step away form big kids parties and don't have them. They're just a nightmare.

SoupDragon · 23/11/2015 15:16

why would you bother chasing people up who can't be bothered to RSVP?

How do you know they can't be bothered?

On more than one occasion, I've been approached by another parent asking if my child was able to come to their child's party and that has been the first I have heard of any party.

I would do one chase up and then leave it at that. Children are unreliable messengers!

Ilikedmyoldusernamebetter · 23/11/2015 15:16

In a decade or so of kids parties we've only ever had non attenders who were actually away that weekend... I do chase though. My kids spend months deciding who to invite, and as I am doing the party for them I chase the invitees if no response, for my kids' sake, and pretty much everyone always turns up. I always assume everyone invited will attend and it usually ends up that way. :o I've never done massive parties though - tiny parties for tiny children, about a dozen at peak.

The party is for the birthday child, if that's my child I bother to call around if necessary - it's hardly a big deal compared to the rest of the effort of doing a birthday party, and its not charity, its pretty self interested really to ensure the kids your kid wants at the party are at the party...

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