Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To beg DP to rehome his bird before I totally lose it

86 replies

Chala86 · 23/11/2015 12:20

It's a cockatiel. DP has had it since he was a teenager. I have two other parrots - this would be his argument to keep it. But it's driving me up the bloody wall with its constant shouting. It never shuts up and I feel like I'm going crazy. If he paid it any attention ever (which he doesn't) or looked after it (I do) then that would be one thing. But I'm expected to be at home with it day in day out listening to its incessant whingy squawking while he's at work. I'm not cruel - if I was it wouldn't be alive - but I swear to God it's so tempting to open the door and let it out. I've tried asking nicely. I've tried losing my temper. So wwyd? Is begging too much? Someone please save me!

OP posts:
Inertia · 23/11/2015 14:07

So your partner has a bird that he doesn't care for, and whose basic care and welfare he doesn't give a shit for.

However, when it comes to the "me or it" conversation, he values the bird more highly than you.

He has had a lifetime of expecting the nearest resident woman to act as his unpaid skivvy. He refuses to consider your opinion or the impact of noise on your own work.

What are his redeeming features?

Original poster
Chala86 · 23/11/2015 14:13

The originalLEM I agree with you. My two are rarely in a cage, spend most of their day out. I would do the same for the cockatiel but she's not friendly, doesn't like me and won't let me put her back in when I need to.
Inertia this is the one thing that DP and I have a differing opinion on and get into a tiff about. Otherwise he bends over backwards for me and (mostly ) does what he can to make me and DD happy. I can see, though, that this thread isn't painting him in a particularly good light.

OP posts:
OnlyLovers · 23/11/2015 14:13

The poor bird.

Sorry but why are you continuing to pay for and look after his pets?

Tell him he has a week to start organising its food and looking after it. Otherwise, he will get home from work one day and it will be rehomed.

Can't believe I'm typing about having this kind of conversation with a grown man rather than a teenager. Hmm

CatThiefKeith · 23/11/2015 14:15

He needs to rehome it. We had an African grey for years, but once I moved out he used to get very lonely and would hang upside down in his cage screaming and bearing his wings. Sad

My dm found an older lady that had previous bird experience and now he lives with her.. She lets him have the run of her bungalow and they watch tv together in the evenings.

Your bird sounds lonely op. Sad

Micah · 23/11/2015 14:17

Can the cockatiel move in with your two? Or does that not work with birds?

LetThereBeCupcakes · 23/11/2015 14:18

OP you're probably aware of this but just in case if you'd decide to rehome, you won't be able to put it in to an aviary at this time of year, it's too cold. You either need to find a temporary indoor home or keep hold of it until spring.

elementofsurprise · 23/11/2015 14:33

Rehome it. Asap, to the person that has an aviary. This is cruelty. He can be a useless stubborn git if he wants, but not when it's harming another being.

I can't understand why your DP wants to keep it if he doesn't interact with it/look after it in any way.

How on earth can he just make unreasonable demands without even having to attempt to justify them? Could you do that? Why does he get away with it?

Sorry but men like this boil my piss. So entitled, assuming - forcefully - that their irrational wants are the final word without any justification, considertion of anyone else, or nod to reality at all.

Original poster
Chala86 · 23/11/2015 14:35

My two will attack it. It's not even half their size. Having tried it out with my two - which both have their own cage - I won't do it again. I think it might end up getting hurt and don't want that. Of course I wouldn't expect to put it in an aviary now. It would take time to get used to the temperature change. Would be when it's warmer. I would keep it here until spring is in full swing. Yes OnlyLovers - on this one DP is behaving like a teenager.

OP posts:
NannyOggsHedgehogs · 23/11/2015 14:38

He doesn't sound very D and certainly isn't acting like much of a P! Cruelty to living creatures is a very unattractive trait

Original poster
Chala86 · 23/11/2015 14:40

elementofsurprise you get my pov completely. I wouldn't do it even if I could. And he makes me feel like a nagging broken record. It's not just that the cockatiel is irritating - it's DP's refusal to care for her that posses me off and then his further refuse to consider that it may be better for his cockatiel to go where it'll be happier.

OP posts:
ShmooBooMoo · 23/11/2015 14:56

OP: did you say his parents have a cockatiel? Are they local and willing to take it? I don't know anything about birds, I have to admit...but I thought this may be a way of keeping the bird happy and your partner still being able to see it.

Have you asked your partner why he insists on keeping the bird if he does not interact with it, can see it's lonely and depressed? If he loves the bird he should give it up (it sounds miserable as hell).

I know you wouldn't but shutting the bird away in the garage by itself would count as cruelty. If it comes to it, get another bird and rehome both if the noise doubles?

Thebookswereherfriends · 23/11/2015 15:06

Surely the answer is to stop doing anything for HIS bird. If he wants it then he should be caring for it and paying for it's toys and food. If he's not prepared to do that then he's not that attached and you should make arrangements for it to go to the person who offered to have it.

sonjadog · 23/11/2015 15:06

Keep working on him, OP. I feel so sorry for this poor bird. It doesn't sound happy at all. Part of pet ownership is taking difficult decisions for the benefit of the pet rather than yourself. He needs to put the bird's needs first and find a new home for him. Maybe your bird could "test out" the aviary for a while and see if it suits? When he is out of the house and your DP sees that he is much happier with the other birds, he mightn't find it so hard to let him go.

Norest · 23/11/2015 15:11

Since he is such a man-child have you considered telling on him to his mum and dad? As in his utter neglect of the bird?

Just an idea... Grin

ShmooBooMoo · 23/11/2015 15:11

Calmly ask your partner to explain his reasons for keeping the bird... It's not attachment (cos he doesn't interact with it or see to its needs)... What, then? If he loves the bird at all, he should rehome and give it a chance of happiness.
Maybe you should show him this thread. His actions are not only cruel towards the bird (who sounds utterly miserable), but unfair to you (after all, it's not your bird...).

ShmooBooMoo · 23/11/2015 15:14

Thebooks: not sure that's fair to the bird....honestly don't think the partner would step up, and it would be the bird who suffered (even more!)

Epilepsyhelp · 23/11/2015 15:17

Sorry OP but your 'd'p sounds like a complete dickhead. He's being cruel to the bird and to the family he professes to love. I would take him up on the 'me or the bird' reply.

Original poster
Chala86 · 23/11/2015 15:47

I will talk to him again and be calm then. Hopefully will talk him around to the idea. Surely it has to sink in at some point that it's unhappy and rehoming is the right, kind thing to do. Really don't want another animal tbh but suppose it's the other option. Just wouldn't want to bring another cockatiel here only for them not to get along. I certainly don't have the space for another bird cage.

OP posts:
ShmooBooMoo · 23/11/2015 16:01

Perhaps barter... You'll try to add another bird in to see if it helps, and it it doesn't, both get rehomed at the aviary?

OnlyLovers · 23/11/2015 16:04

Bugger bartering or talking him round.

He's behaving selfishly and unreasonably towards you, and cruelly towards the bird. Either he looks after it himself, or you rehome it tomorrow/by Friday/whenever (give a clear deadline).

He's an adult supposedly. He can take some responsibility or accept the consequences.

PassiveAgressiveQueen · 23/11/2015 16:10

I can't help but My MIL had a cockatiel the noise went right through me, so ful sympathy.

wannaBe · 23/11/2015 16:19

could the owner of the aviary let you have one of their birds to see if that resolves the issue of the other one's screeching? On the understanding that if it doesn't then he will take his own and your dp's bird.

Reality is that coccatiels can be incredibly noisy, but they can also be incredibly friendly and lovely pets. Unfortunately if this one can't be handled, and if it's fifteen you're not likely to change that fact any time soon, then it is probably best off in a flock in an aviary than in a cage indoors. or at the very least with a mate.

For those talking about the cost of the bills etc, coccatiels are relatively inexpensive to keep, and generally don't incur vet bills as a general rule. so we're not talking about something like a dog which costs £££ to keep.

To whoever suggested putting it with the parrots, parrots are flock birds but they flock with their own kind and will attack other birds which are not parrots. It would be very unwise to put a coccatiel in with a couple of parrots...

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 23/11/2015 16:23

I think the avery sound like a great idea.

FlowersAndShit · 23/11/2015 16:31

I'd rehome it when DP is at work, OP. He's being a selfish bastard.

VeganCow · 23/11/2015 16:56

It seems to me OP that you are focused on the noise the bird makes rather than its miserable existence. It sounds ever so unhappy and you and dp continue to neglect the birds needs by not taking action.

If I were in your position I would tell him to fuck off, re-home the bird, then re-home him. Seriously. I would go right off any man who is so immature and stupid, yes stupid, to dig his heels in at the espense of a living creature.

A Robin Redbreast in a Cage
Puts all Heaven in a Rage

Swipe left for the next trending thread