To beg DP to rehome his bird before I totally lose it

[Chala86]

It's a cockatiel. DP has had it since he was a teenager. I have two other parrots - this would be his argument to keep it. But it's driving me up the bloody wall with its constant shouting. It never shuts up and I feel like I'm going crazy. If he paid it any attention ever (which he doesn't) or looked after it (I do) then that would be one thing. But I'm expected to be at home with it day in day out listening to its incessant whingy squawking while he's at work. I'm not cruel - if I was it wouldn't be alive - but I swear to God it's so tempting to open the door and let it out. I've tried asking nicely. I've tried losing my temper. So wwyd? Is begging too much? Someone please save me!

I was going to suggest a bout of psittacosis but then you have 2 parrots too so that's a bad plan :(

I couldn't put up with it either. I don't know what you do though, although your DP is BVU to insist that you do just put up with it, when he doesn't have to.

Why doesn't he pay for its food?!

We rehomed a cockatiel a year ago, we think it was about 1.5 when we got it.

We didn't realise that it was terrified of hands, must have been grabbed at some point :(

We let him out to fly in our front room every day.
We can't force him back in his cage, but as time has gone on, he "wants" to go to bed at about 6.30, and goes back into his cage of his own choice.

He only really shrieks when he is shut in his cage and wants out. Often he will just fly round the room a few times and then sit in top of his cage.

He seemed desperate to make a nest/cave whenever we let him out, and got very protective of it - attacking the kids if they went near :(
So we have put a cardboard box in his cage, to be his hidey hole - he spends a lot more time in his cage, in his box, out of choice now. Might be an option for your bird?

Poor bird.
I think if someone's offered to take it, I'd take them up on their offer.

I think you should record the bird screaming and play it full volume on a loop all night long. Do this every night until your DH grasps what you are saying and hopefully you will come up with a solution together.

X-post. Why isn't he paying for his pet?

Tell him he either pays for food/vet bills and provides it with company, or it goes. He doesn't get to have a pet and do none of the upkeep.

OP can you adress the points LetThereBeCupcakes has made at 13.11?
I agree. Probably lonely, bored, distressed, maybe even mad now. Ten years alone in a cage, awful life.

As someone suggested, it may well be lonely and unhappy.

Presumably when your DP lived with his parents it had their cockatiel for company? Now it doesn't, and the parrots are not interested.

Have you suggested to him that the bird is unhappy and longer term would be happier if it were to be rehomed with the person who offered it a place in his aviary?

Please don't just let it out "accidentally", tempting though it must be. Many domesticated animals don't fare well if suddenly released into the "wild", and yes, I am aware that I am saying that without having to put up with its incessant racket. It would drive me up the wall too.

I pay for all the food as I have to order for my two. It's just worked out that way. I'll try putting a box in the bottom of its cage to see if it wants to burrow. Maybe it'll help and thank you for the suggestion. I'm all for rehoming with the man that offered to take her. It's convincing DP that it's better for the cockatiel. I've told him it would be happier, would have the space to fly around, won't be lonely. He (sadly) doesn't seem to care. It's hard because DP only seems to give a damn when I mention how loud it's been and how it might be happier in a different environment. Then he digs his heels in and doesn't even want to discuss the pros and cons. If there was a way to cut the noise by half I would put up with it but I've tried everything I can think of (without buying another one - the thought alone fills me with dread). Nothing so far has helped.

Have you tried this: "Darling, it's me or the cockatiel."?

Your DP is being cruel to that poor bird :(

It had company. DP had two a few years back but one died. I do get it out when I have the time to attempt getting it in and out. The cage it's in is big enough for it to fly in. I feel sorry for it. I know it's probably lonely and stressed but refuse to get another when DP won't look after this one. Tried me or the bird - he said see you later then!

Also, to add my voice to others, why are you paying all the bills for his pet.

I can understand bulk buying most of the bird food at once, for all of them, but he should be contributing there.

Did you say it doesn't seem keen on people and hisses at them? That may mean that it was poorly socialised as a youngster perhaps? Maybe it didn't get enough handling at the right age, so now it is wary. I know that rule holds true for many household pets. I imagine it to include birds, but admittedly I have no experience there (I have dogs and a cat).

I hate the sound cockatiels make, our neighbours had two in an avery. We could even hear them through the windows. His wife was going crazy as well and when she asked us if they bothered us at all I had to be truthful. They were rehomed the next day.... so do you have neighbours who can hear them

I agree TheBunnyOfDoom

Oh if you've had an offer from someone with an aviary and other cockatiels I'd take it.

If your DH is attached he's got to see the bird will be much, much happier and healthier with friends than on its own bored stupid.

I'm assuming birds are easy enough to integrate into an existing aviary population?

He needs to do it for the bird. Could he visit?

It's that or he pays for a big outdoor aviary and gets more birds to keep it company.

I know you wouldn't go through with what I'm suggesting (based on your posts above) but would your DP?

Tell him that from X date you will no longer be feeding or entertaining his bird. It is his bird and his responsibility to entertain it, look after it, feed it etc. and as you already have two of your own to look after this is proving very difficult to do now.
He has until X date to rehome his bird if he wants to. If he does not rehome the bird, and the bird is still in your house/flat after that date, you will take it upon yourself to rehome it.

If he decides not to look after all that, you do what you want with the bird.

I had one exactly like this. She would scream all day, and hiss at us.

She was lonely and wanted a mate. So we rehomed a boy who had recently lost his mate. She never screeched again and is very happy. It's the boy who now drives everyone nuts with the one tune he can whistle.

If it's not practical for you to take another (and there is definitely a risk it'll still be noisy!) rehome the poor thing to the aviary man so she can have a mate.

Is it since his other bird died that the noise levels have increased so much? If so then maybe you have your reason, and the bird is lonely.

I said I know little about birds as pets, but I do know a couple of people who have them. Some have said that if they lived in pairs they are often very attached to each other and problems arise when one of the two dies.

Perhaps more reason to rehome it to the aviary owner. If it is someone you know well then presumably your DP could visit at times and see his bird, probably much happier with companions.

Where does DP work?

You could take the birdcage to his workplace every day.

Or put it in his car.

DP sends me money once a month and I pay for pets while he pays bills. It's just easier to do it all at once. If he had to do it, I expect it would starve and wouldn't want to risk hoping DP would remember to order it. His mother did everything for him, including looking after his pets. DP just seems to expect someone else to do it and thinks nothing more of it. Our neighbours aren't at home often and are very laid back about noise. I'm not even sure it's handreared which would explain why it dislikes people. Would probably me a million times happier in an aviary.

Poor bird, it sounds like it is stressed and lonely. I don't see why trying having another is such a big problem. If it doesn't make the bird happier and quieter you can rehome both. I don't see how it's much extra food or work, surely they can't eat/poop that much? But then again I have horses! The bird has already shown you it's lonely by trying to bond with your parrots, but you didn't pick it up.

Go through with "it's me or the bird"

And remind him that when you have left him he will have to look after the bird. Does he even know how?

Birds don't belong in cages really.

We had a parrot and I made DP rehome her because it was evil neither of us had time for her, she had been put in a room on her own because she was noisy. DP cried, but he got over it.

I rehomed her with a customer in the vets where i worked and she went to a huge public aviary and went on to have ickle baby parrots. Much happier than stuck in our front room.

I actually don't like seeing birds in cages now though :(