To ask how to decline this evening invite?

[skyofdiamonds]

Do I tell the truth or bend the truth?

My partner and I have been invited to an evening do of a wedding of a good friend.

It is over 300 miles away and apparently approx 4 hour drive each way on maps.

It falls on my partner's birthday weekend and therefore I was going to say I'm taking him away for a weekend and it's booked already. Except that it isn't and I have no comeback when she asks where we are going, which she will!!

We probably would have gone away anyway but also, if it were an invite for the full day, may have considered the travel up.

So do I say it's simply too far and expensive to travel or that I'm going away and it's already planned.

She's asked me three times this week if I have received post from her ( the invite) so must be keen to hear back. We do chat a fair bit each week (we live far from each other nowadays) and I don't want to offend her but I don't think it's unreasonable to think that's simply too far for a 4 hour do.

I don't do evening dos. I have only been to one of a colleague, and it's my own fault as it was a fairly last minute invite and I was too slow on the draw to make up a prior engagement. So I went and then really regretted it. Not that I have been invited to any others as I have only really been to weddings of proper friends, but if it did happen again I would politely decline. I also think life is too short Derxa but we've come to different conclusions! 😀

if you want to go, there's usually a travelodge/premier inn nearby and weddings give you enough notice to get a cheapie.

if you don't, just say sorry, you are already booked, wish them all the best and see them soon.

same as any other party. Except at normal parties you get to see the host.

God these responses are a bit much... Op yes just "sorry I can't make it" is fine. However for everyone saying "how dare she invite you somewhere so far just for an evening do"... Remember sometimes you can't invite everyone to the day - and it's far nicer to invite than not

What does your dp want to do on his birthday? If he's not keen then decline and go somewhere else. If he is happy to go there for his birthday then do that. Then his birthday can be the perfect excuse. As pp said you could give vague oh here or there or more general west country, wales, Spain etc.

If I were not invited to the actual ceremony I would never exert myself to attend the party, esp if it were 300 miles away.

"Yes, thank you, afraid we can't make it but wish you all happiness!"

Why on earth do people have two parties for a wedding why not save money and have one wedding breakfast at a cost that allows you to invite your friends and family. Having two guest lists is a tad insulting tbh

'Why on earth do people have two parties for a wedding why not save money and have one wedding breakfast at a cost that allows you to invite your friends and family. Having two guest lists is a tad insulting tbh'

Because it's 'their day' and all that nonsense. Had never heard of this two-tiered evening do set up until I came to the UK. Or calling it a 'breakfast'.

Well, I'm another one who thinks it's a bit cheeky to expect someone to travel 300 miles for an evening do.
But maybe she belongs to that group of people who think that being invited to someone's wedding is an 'honour', and the b&g can be as rude, demanding or cheeky as they like, they are still 'honouring' you be graciously allowing you to be present on their big day.

Another vote for just saying sorry you can't make it as it's dh's birthday weekend, if she insists on pushing as to what you're doing is be vague and change subject. Given the distance I wouldn't go just for an evening do and they ought not to expect it.

Realistically how much of them would you even see in the evening or get to speak to them much? Meeting up after the event might be much nicer :-)

It's too far to expect people to travel for an evening. Just say 'So sorry, we can't make it.' If pushed, say it's DH's birthday weekend. If pushed more as to where you're going/what you're doing, just say 'keeping it free while we decide.'

Don't volunteer information or you'll look like you're lying.

Alternatively, the suggestions to combine it with a weekend birthday trip are good, assuming the wedding is somewhere you'd like to go for a weekend.