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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to want a bath?!

64 replies

trebleclef101 · 22/11/2015 12:14

On the whole my husband is great at helping out with our 3 month old DD, but on his last day off when I mentioned that I was thinking of taking a bath in the afternoon (the average bath in our house lasting a good two hours) he said "could you not today because I don't want to have to watch the baby and make dinner on the same day" (he had already agreed to cooking dinner).

Now I get that it was his day off work but am I being unreasonable to want a bit of alone time while he's here to watch DD?

He works hard and I do understand that he wants to relax on his days off, but I was only asking for a couple of hours to myself.

I am normally happy with the division of work / house work / child care in our house but for some reason this has really got my back up!

I feel I should add that he got up this morning and without a word to me disappeared into the bath. That was 3 hours ago and he has yet to emerge!

OP posts:

DisappointedOne · 22/11/2015 12:17

Clearly you won't be stepping foot in the kitchen today then.

mrsmugoo · 22/11/2015 12:20

Watch his own child and cook dinner in one day?! Surely not. Get the fucking violins out.

Run that bath now!

Fairylea · 22/11/2015 12:20

I'm absolutely boggled that you could sit in a bath for 2 - 3 hours....! But anyway I don't think you're being unreasonable to want a few hours to yourself whatever that is doing.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 22/11/2015 12:20

He is totally unreasonable not looking after his child to allow you to wash. You are both unreasonable for thinking a bath needs to be longer than an hour, you must look like prunes by the time you get out!

MrsHathaway · 22/11/2015 12:20

Fucking rude.

You're default parent and he deigns to babysit occasionally when he has nothing better to do.

It is a pain to do major cooking and look after children at the same time, but he could have said "this afternoon's not great because of the Gourmet Roast Dinner I've planned - how about 10 am instead?"

Basically he's stolen your bath. Wanker.

Original poster

trebleclef101 · 22/11/2015 12:34

Lol, I never realised long baths were so unusual, I find it easy enough to pass an hour or two in a nice warm bath with a good book!

Anyway, he is not depriving me of a wash, I could easily have a quick shower instead, the bath is more about getting a couple of hours of baby free time while he is at home.

But he feels that as it is his day off work (working shifts he often only gets one day at a time instead of a two day weekend) he should be able to relax and he can't do this while watching DD.

How do other people deal with child care division in SAHM / working dad households on dad's days off?

OP posts:

clam · 22/11/2015 12:37

"my husband is great at helping out with our 3 month old DD"

Helping out??? She's his CHILD, ffs, what's with the "helping?"

And if taking care of a baby is such hard work (for him), how come it's OK for you to be it 24/7 without a break?

Jesus, how come so many women PUT UP with shit like this?

clam · 22/11/2015 12:40

"How do other people deal with child care division"

Well, for a start, they agree that caring for a child and the home counts as a job. Then they agree that each partner deserves equal leisure time (time off to relax) and divvy up the hours accordingly.

Pipestheghost · 22/11/2015 12:40

clam I agree, it's fucking shocking that women put up with this shit, are we still in the 1950's??

HeartShapedBox · 22/11/2015 12:42

Um, she's 3 months old, she just lies there.
"looking after" her isn't exactly difficult, it's not like she's crawling about the kitchen and pulling all the cupboards out... He's being ridiculous.

clam · 22/11/2015 12:44

And depending on the job, of course, there's no absolute assumption that going out to work is necessarily harder than staying at home with the kids. My bfriend, who is a top hospital consultant, used to say that her workdays were a breeze compared to home days with 4 kids under 6.

And your h certainly seems to feel that childcare is hard-going if he can't possibly watch a 3 month old (who isn't even mobile yet) on the same day he is scheduled to stick a roast in the oven.

mrsmugoo · 22/11/2015 12:44

As parents of a toddler and we both work, we've realised the days of whole days off relaxing are well and truly over (for now).

One parent can not expect a large chunk of leisure time unless it's on offer for you both!

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 22/11/2015 12:44

How do other people deal with child care division in SAHM / working dad households on dad's days off?

I'm not exactly a SAHM, however I was made redundant when pregnant so we totally rely on my partner's income. On his time off, I try and give him extra 'down time', purely because I'm grateful he's keeping the roof above our heads. However, he is a nice person and will look after his child/make dinner/feed the dog etc, without prompt. Because he's an adult who realises that doing one 'chore' a day, even on days off, doesn't mean he's done his 'bit - and looking after his child is never a choice, we're in it together. I went for a bath for an hour today whilst he rocked our son to sleep, he's now playing some FIFA whilst I feed him. He made lunch, I'm making dinner. It's about compromise and realising we can't spend hours doing what we used to love, but between us we can enjoy a bit of a break.

amitha · 22/11/2015 12:47

You don't have to ask if you can have a bath, or ask if your partner minds if you have a bath. Just go for a bath! Your baby doesn't need that much looking after at 3 mths, he could just cuddle the baby and watch tv, it's hardly taxing.

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 22/11/2015 12:48

She's 3 months old ffs, how hard can it be to look after her?!

Also, when it's your turn to cook does your dh look after baby for a few hours?

What will he be doing in this time were you could be having a bath?

Do you ever do stuff together?

Hopelass · 22/11/2015 12:49

YANBU and I also like 2+ hour long baths

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 22/11/2015 12:50

I'm a sahm. My dh works 2weeks on 2weeks off, so obviously when he's away for 2 week I do everything around the house and with dc.
When he's here for 2 weeks we split it pretty evenly.

Oysterbabe · 22/11/2015 12:50

Surely dads who work all week want to spend as much time as possible with the kids on their days off...?

PurpleHairAndPearls · 22/11/2015 12:53

"On the whole my husband is great at helping out with our 3 month old DD"

Helping out

Agree with PP. The possession of a penis does not render people incapable of looking after their own DC (apart from BF of course). Men are just as capable as women at being a parent - they aren't helping out.

Equal leisure time and disposable income is generally key in relationships. Mind you, so is having a relationship with someone who wouldn't expect anything less than this.

PennyHasNoSurname · 22/11/2015 12:54

OP do you watch the baby and cook at the same time? Surely he realises how idiotic he is being.

dickyduckydido · 22/11/2015 12:55

How do people deal with dad's days off?

He's a parent. There are no days off!

MrsHathaway · 22/11/2015 12:56

Either looking after a 3mo is easy - in which case he works harder than you and needs down time when he gets in, but it's a doddle for him to watch her while you're soaking - or it's hard - in which case you need down time from looking after her and need a long bath at frequent intervals.

RoganJosh · 22/11/2015 12:57

We split it 50:50 at the weekends. I can't see why any other way would be OK.

clam · 22/11/2015 12:57

And if he has days off, when are yours?

PennyHasNoSurname · 22/11/2015 13:01

When my DH is off usually I go to work, so he has a a 1yo and a 4yo to look after all day. If we both have the same day off ome of us gets up early with dc and he other has a lie in,then the early up person takes an hour or two to themselves late afternoon (nap/bath/dvd in bed).

Very very equal.

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