Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

AIBU to want a bath?!

64 replies

trebleclef101 · 22/11/2015 12:14

On the whole my husband is great at helping out with our 3 month old DD, but on his last day off when I mentioned that I was thinking of taking a bath in the afternoon (the average bath in our house lasting a good two hours) he said "could you not today because I don't want to have to watch the baby and make dinner on the same day" (he had already agreed to cooking dinner).

Now I get that it was his day off work but am I being unreasonable to want a bit of alone time while he's here to watch DD?

He works hard and I do understand that he wants to relax on his days off, but I was only asking for a couple of hours to myself.

I am normally happy with the division of work / house work / child care in our house but for some reason this has really got my back up!

I feel I should add that he got up this morning and without a word to me disappeared into the bath. That was 3 hours ago and he has yet to emerge!

OP posts:

LuluJakey1 · 22/11/2015 13:03

I am on ML with an 11 month old DS. (Have just resigned but that is a different point) DH works full time as Deputy Head in a school

He comes home knackered but he does more than his bit with DS. Baths him, feeds him, plays with him every night, reads to him.We take turns getting up if he wakes. At weekends he takes him swimming, we go for walks. He will take him shopping if he does the shopping.

I can hear him saying what your DH did mind you, 'Can you just have him while I am makng tea Lu'. It is not that bad

But he should have made a bit of time today so you could have a bath. It's not much to ask.

LittleBearPad · 22/11/2015 13:06

She's three months old!

I assumed she was mobile, into everything and needed constant watching.

Ffs tell him to man up and go run yourself a bath.

BabyGanoush · 22/11/2015 13:12

IME to only way to get a break, as a mum, us to actually leave the house.

This is why spas make so much money

CatMilkMan · 22/11/2015 13:15

Add message | Report | Message poster clam Sun 22-Nov-15 12:37:59
"my husband is great at helping out with our 3 month old DD"

Helping out??? She's his CHILD, ffs, what's with the "helping?"

And if taking care of a baby is such hard work (for him), how come it's OK for you to be it 24/7 without a break?

Jesus, how come so many women PUT UP with shit like this?

"24/7 without a break" don't be so bloody ridiculous.

firesidechat · 22/11/2015 13:19

2 hours in a bath! That's all I'm taking in from the op. 2 hours!

unimaginativename13 · 22/11/2015 13:24

I could have written this.

This morning I had to request a bath later on- we have a 4 week old.

This come after he disappeared down the pub yesterday, came home bladdered, 3 hours after he said he would.

He has made comments about having to change a nappy. This morning passed baby over to me mid feed because baby wasn't playing ball.

I escaped for 10mins earlier to clean and sort the house out and I can hear him cursing saying lets go find mummy.

The bath seems a distant dream. I should also be grateful he bought shit flowers from the garage last night.

I expressed my concern this morning and was told if the dishwasher needs emptying I need to ask him. ----

I feel like crying if I have to put away the wipes he got out and hadn't put back.

unimaginativename13 · 22/11/2015 13:25

Ps the reason for really wanting a bath is I still have tape marks on my legs from the hospital as I can't get them off. Not much to ask for is it really.

unimaginativename13 · 22/11/2015 13:26

My post wasn't crossed through when I wrote it. Really gonna cry now.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 22/11/2015 13:29

YANBU at all. I like a bath that lasts about 1- 1.5 h as well, or until the water gets chilly (cast iron bath so if I start it off right it will stay hot for that long)

Obviously though the real problem was that he wanted a bath instead of you so made up all that bollocks so he could get in instead.

Very poor show on his behalf.

ValancyJane · 22/11/2015 13:31

So when is your next day off, in which you will be either making dinner or watching your child (but not both!)? Run the bath, seriously. When you're both at home you should be splitting things 50/50!

Also, I hear you on the bath. I can easily spend a couple of hours in there with a good book!!

INeedNewShoes · 22/11/2015 13:37

So on his day off he needs time to relax. Which day of the week is your day off OP?

And if he works the rest of the time he should want to spend time with your DC every chance he gets; he shouldn't be viewing it as a chore.

clam · 22/11/2015 13:42

As I read it, it's not that he was complaining about watching the baby whilst he made dinner, but because he would be cooking dinner later on and couldn't possible have two such taxing jobs on the same day.

rudolphistheboss · 22/11/2015 13:42

On dh's days off he gets up with the dc so I can have a lie in, as I still do all nights as ds1 is a poor sleeper and eater and is stil bf. When I get up he'll go up and have an hour to himself (showering, shaving, reading the news etc). He'll have given the dc breakfast and tidied the kitchen before I get up. He often takes dd (3yo) out for a few hours as he enjoys the bonding time and it makes it easier for ds to nap. In the afternoon we 'swap' dc or do something as a family so everybody gets to spend time with everyone else.

If my dh told me he couldn't watch a 3mo ( or even both our 'energetic' and 'spirited' toddlers) and cook tea at the same time I'd laugh in his face and ask how he imagines we eat every weekday meal? (he works long hours).

Then I'd go for a bath. Not 2 hours though, I'd be bored!

rudolphistheboss · 22/11/2015 13:44

clam then that's even more ridiculous. He's going to have a shock when the baby starts crawling!

clam · 22/11/2015 13:46

CatMilkMan and don't you be so bloody rude. It was a fair question.

bimandbam · 22/11/2015 13:55

I think it's about compromise. I have 2 dcs. Dd was a dream baby and toddler. I also worked part time and was a single parent. I could never fathom out why sahms needed a break or why having a baby or toddler meant that you couldn't do things like amble around the shops or have a sparkling clean house with a lovingly prepared meal on the table for when your dp returned from the coalface.

Ds has completely shattered those illusions. He was a velcro baby and is a very busy toddler who dislikes the pram with a vengeance.

I found it very, very difficult when he was tiny to do anything other than look after him and dd who was 10. Everything else was impossible.

It nearly broke me and dp. It was a massive shock that I couldn't do it and also a massive shock to me that dp wouldn't step up and help. It took me asking him to leave for us both to realise we had to change and both work 24/7 to help the other person.

Now ds is almost 2 and dp has learnt to be a better, more hands on parent. And I have learnt to manage the house more efficiently, let things slide a bit domestically and most importantly of all we both have time out. I was at hairdressers 4 hours yesterday. He is in the pub this afternoon. Neither of us will moan at the other for it.

With regards to your bath can you just take an hour instead of 2? Then he has an hour to do what he likes etc? Then some time together. The long afternoons of pleasing yourself are pretty much over for both of you for now but it does get easier. Not for a few years mind!

CheeseCakeOfDreams · 22/11/2015 14:07

My DD is four months. There's no way I'd let DP treat me like a 1950s housewife! Today DP will watch DD while I go to the gym and will also be cooking dinner tonight. I watched DD while DP popped into town earlier.

Seriously, how do women end up with men like this!? It is 2015 FFS! I'd have weeded out such a man way before the baby making stage!

unimaginativename13 · 22/11/2015 14:48

During the week we have a shiny house, dinners cooked. Unfortunately OH is like the toddler from hell on the weekends who makes stuff harder.

Maybe I'm being dramatic .......

Only1scoop · 22/11/2015 14:54

'Great at helping out with our 3 month old'

'Helping out'

Is that what you do everyday then? 'Help out'?

Does no one on this site equally parent? I'm shocked at some of the threads on here this morning.

Pipestheghost · 22/11/2015 14:54

unimaginative you're not being dramatic, your obviously with a selfish manchild, how long you put up with that shit is up to you, but I wouldn't blame you for telling him to fuck off.

Pipestheghost · 22/11/2015 14:56

Absolutely Only wtf is going on? Why are their so many inept, selfish men on here

Only1scoop · 22/11/2015 14:59

Pipes Quite

There are so many similar threads at the moment.

Are these men parents?... or some 'assistant' to the mother who in turn seems to be so grateful if they do the odd scrap of childcare.

I then read some of the replies and it's rife

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 22/11/2015 15:02

Then you read a thread about adult children still needing to be picked up after and you see where the menchildren come from!

Jessica78 · 22/11/2015 15:19

YANBU, but re: tape marks, try some nail varnish remover xxx

SurlyCue · 22/11/2015 15:22

I don't want to have to watch the baby and make dinner on the same day

I dont even know what to say. What where his expectations of parenting?

Flip

1 2 3