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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to want a bath?!

64 replies

trebleclef101 · 22/11/2015 12:14

On the whole my husband is great at helping out with our 3 month old DD, but on his last day off when I mentioned that I was thinking of taking a bath in the afternoon (the average bath in our house lasting a good two hours) he said "could you not today because I don't want to have to watch the baby and make dinner on the same day" (he had already agreed to cooking dinner).

Now I get that it was his day off work but am I being unreasonable to want a bit of alone time while he's here to watch DD?

He works hard and I do understand that he wants to relax on his days off, but I was only asking for a couple of hours to myself.

I am normally happy with the division of work / house work / child care in our house but for some reason this has really got my back up!

I feel I should add that he got up this morning and without a word to me disappeared into the bath. That was 3 hours ago and he has yet to emerge!

OP posts:

SurlyCue · 22/11/2015 15:25

Jesus, how come so many women PUT UP with shit like this?

^this!

Paintedhandprints · 22/11/2015 15:35

Well you wouldn't catch me lolling about in my own filthy water hut each to their own. You could lay the baby on a towel on the bathroom floor while you bathe. Or you could ask yourself why you chose to have a child with someone who doesn't want to be a parent?

SurlyCue · 22/11/2015 15:38

These kind of threads really shock me. My parents both worked full time but mum was night shifts as a midwife and Dad worked 8-5 as a labourer on a site so both physically tiring jobs. Neither of them expected to sit on their arses at home just because they werent at work anymore! My weekends were spent either in my dad's garage, helping him in the garden or out with him at his hobby because mum would be sleeping after a shift or she'd be getting the groceries in and doing a weekly clean (easier without toddlers under your feet). My dad would never have expected to ignore us for the weekend just because he wasnt on his bosses clock! When you are a parent you dont get days off from that. You only get annual leave from your boss, not your children. They are full time. Time off from work doesnt mean time off from everything else in your life. Its a really strange attitude. Why on earth would your annual leave from work have any impact on your family obligations? Family doesnt cease operation because work is closed

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 22/11/2015 15:45

"velcro baby" - yes, I had one of those too, DS1. I couldn't have put him on a towel on the floor and expected him to be happy at that age! He'd have been screaming most of the time - hardly conducive to a relaxing bath!

unimaginativename13 · 22/11/2015 16:27

Upon asking if he would do a nappy change. I got FFS don't I get a day off?

I replied 'a day off?' Cue WW3 in our house.

SurlyCue · 22/11/2015 16:33

unimaginative why on earth do you accept it?

unimaginativename13 · 22/11/2015 16:36

Not sure! This isn't how he usually is! It's a bit out of character for him I didn't expect this attitude to parenting , it's only been 4 weeks.

Hopefully some heated debates might show him. I have just asked which day off was mine then!

SurlyCue · 22/11/2015 16:48

Ahh so the novelty of new baby has worn off for him and he has realised there are shitty bits he doesnt like. Well tough. Hes and adult and a parent. He needs to get stuck in. There are no days off as a parent. Nip this in the bud now or you'll end up with this as a permanent situation.

LittleBearPad · 22/11/2015 19:43

Jesus, how come so many women PUT UP with shit like this?

This, with bells on.

Your husbands/partners are as responsible for their offspring as you are. It's time for them to grow up

Only1scoop · 22/11/2015 19:45

To be honest after reading the first 3 sentences of the Op....I find it hard to read much further.

Original poster

trebleclef101 · 22/11/2015 21:18

I never thought me getting to have a bath would cause such heated responses!

Update - we've had a frank conversation about everything, and we agreed that the problem actually boils down to him worrying about taking care of the baby on his own in case she is grumpy or unhappy, and me being reluctant to ask him to do so because I know he is not as good as me at dealing with a grumpy baby!

No one really enjoys a grumpy baby but he has agreed that you don't get to pick and choose when to be a parent, and he has to deal with the bad as well as the good.

Then he ran me a bath.

OP posts:

LittleBearPad · 22/11/2015 21:34

Good. I hope you enjoyed it.

And the only way he's going to get better is with practice.

OddlyLogical · 22/11/2015 21:52

Good to hear you got your bath.

The way I used to do it was to tell him, 'I'm having a bath, you've got the baby/kids'

MrsHathaway · 23/11/2015 00:19

Then he ran me a bath.

The most satisfying thing I've read on MN for ages. Glad things worked out. Hope it lasts.

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