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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Competitive Christmas thriftiness on MN

383 replies

Imchangingmyname · 20/11/2015 19:39

Just something I've noticed over the last few weeks on MN.

There seems to be a lot of competitive comments regarding how little you can spend on your kids. Let's be honest here, stuff costs. Whether that's plastic tat for the baby or an iPad for the teenager but mostly: Kids. Expect. Presents. At. Christmas. Don't they?

There's far too much of 'you spend £100 at Christmas!!??? I spend max £10 on little Jimmy and that's more than enough. I also throw in some chestnuts and a clementine on top of that'

Or 'mine is happy with our certificate for adopting a donkey for a year'

Really??! I think the commercialisation of Christmas has gone too far, granted but most kids I know would be upset if they didn't have at least a few presents to open on the day. I've noticed it's mainly from those who have the budget but refuse to spend to..somehow appear holier than thou??

OP posts:
myotherusernameisbetter · 21/11/2015 11:04

Yes but then the Spiderman top is maybe something he "wants" and the pre teen hoody is the same so how is that going to work? Hmm

Babies are a category all of their own as they have no awareness of Christmas as such and don't "want" anything beyond food, love and care.

I have no problem giving clothes to any age group to be honest but it's a bulk filler for those who wouldn't consider it a gift. It's like buying someone a kitchen utensils for Christmas. Some people would be delighted but a significant amount would not see that as a gift for them.

PennyHasNoSurname · 21/11/2015 11:16

Unless you buy your dc stuff throughout the year then I genuinely do not understand how anyone who has money is able to restrict themselves to a £50 limit.

DD is four at Christmas and getting a bike. She needs stabilisers, and a helmet. No way would I have been able to get all that for under £50 and it be of decent quality to last the next few years.

She doesnt get gifts throughout the year so Ive also picked up some other bits - a fancy dress costume, a globe, some board games.

Does the Satsuma Brigade seriously have a house with only four toys, one from each christmas? I think probably not.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 21/11/2015 11:29

Ds wants an xbox1, dd wants an iPad mini so that's 500 quid straight away so if they think they're getting any oranges on top of that they can bugger off. [santa]

DisappointedOne · 21/11/2015 11:29

We don't do Xmas. DD (5) gets a stocking with the "something you want...." stuff in it as a token nod to the rest of the crazy consumerist world really. She's an October baby and so is still enjoying her birthday presents - which we don't set strict limits on - whenever our Xmas comes around (we don't celebrate on the 25th for various reasons). We don't buy for others and others don't buy for us. It's just how we do it. Who knows, perhaps DD won't grow up to expect the contents of the Argos catalogue for an arbitrary reason or to demand designer clothes at 13..........

myotherusernameisbetter · 21/11/2015 11:36

I have teenagers, we've done big Christmas every year. They don't demand anything and in fact since they've known that there is no Santa, it's difficult to get them to ask for anything much at all. They demand nothing, they appreciate what they are given and know that they are loved regardless of what they are given.

Stuff does not equal spoilt.

TownhouseMummy · 21/11/2015 11:46

Growing up my parents spent 30 pounds on each of 4 children (I am 32) and we do not spend any more than that on our children. Relatives spend less. However we do buy what they need throughout the year. The difference at Christmas is that it is wrapped up and put under the tree. We are Christians, so we've always emphasised that side of Christmas. I was never aware that friends might be receiving more or less - we didn't talk about Christmas presents.

PiperChapstick · 21/11/2015 11:53

YABU op. I just shit in a stocking and give that to my children and they love it and say I'm the best mum ever and it's not about the material things. Kids don't really want the latest gadgets and toys you know and are quite happy to have 2 Poundland presents every year Grin

MrEverything · 21/11/2015 12:05

When people talk about how little they are spending, they often don't mention that their children will be getting elaborate and lovely gifts from 2 sets of grandparents, close family friends and a few sets of aunties and uncles.

I don't spend a shitload on mine at Christmas but both their sets of grandparents do. My mum has a budget of £150 per grandchild (she's not that rich, just bonkers) and so, they get plenty. Mine love plastic tat too. I am not ashamed of that. I like some of their 'tat' too. Grin

witsender · 21/11/2015 12:06

They may want an iPad and an x box, doesn't mean you have to buy them? You coul give them £100 and monetary donations from others and/or they save up. That's a hecka lotta moulah.

Enjolrass · 21/11/2015 12:12

Yes but then the Spiderman top is maybe something he "wants" and the pre teen hoody is the same so how is that going to work?

What do you mean how is it going to work?

I buy it they open it and say 'oh wow, thanks mum and dad, the hoodie I wanted!'

That's how it works

derxa · 21/11/2015 12:12

I read endless threads on here where adults get terrible presents from other adults. The recipients feel awful but swallow their disappointment and thank the giver. I just wonder how these children who get the 'satsuma and shiny sixpence' present from well off parents really feel. My DH and his family are very generous present givers, my family were not. Our Christmasses are lovely.

Enjolrass · 21/11/2015 12:13

Who knows, perhaps DD won't grow up to expect the contents of the Argos catalogue for an arbitrary reason or to demand designer clothes at 13..........

And perhaps she will. Fwiw, just because I buy dd some designer clothes, it doesn't mean she expects it.

That's 2 issues

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 21/11/2015 12:21

That's a hecka lotta moulah. I know Sad They're good kids but I don't think they realise the costs, they usually ask for things like a bike or plastic tat etc Grin

LimboNovember · 21/11/2015 12:36

Op Its always on here.

I have found though that posts are not what they seem and are rather disengeunious.

Rather like the "my dc passed the 11+ without a tutor, they didnt one, and if they did I wouldnt have put them in for the exam"

Then its revealved the parents is themselves a teacher or a tutor! Or something.,

Same here, " I dont do the present pile" but then reveals, they have a large family and the dc will in fact get a stack of presents just not from them the parents.

Or " the present pile is obscene" turns into - " we get one gift, usually an ipad which may cost £600.

Etc etc, so take with a pinch of salt op!

Having said that I am guilty for doing a cheap xmas, I have when dc were little sourced gifts second hand, or free even.

HighwayDragon1 · 21/11/2015 12:43

It's like the mumsnet chicken, or magic mince that feed a family of 5 for 3 days...

witsender · 21/11/2015 12:52

I can make a chicken do 4 meals and a few lunches for 4 though

tobysmum77 · 21/11/2015 12:53

I think different people have different definitions of cheap and different experiences.

Personally I had a childhood of plenty, not masses of stuff but my parents could afford and would buy some pretty expensive presents but things cost a lot more. So for example when I was 7 they bought me a zx spectrum 48k for Christmas that cost £130. 30 years ago Grin according to the only inflation calculator I could get to work in my phone that is now iro £330 at today's prices Shock. They weren't showy people, but if we really wanted something we'd get it and tbf I played for hours on that little computer that these days is beyond crap.

So when I talk about being careful at Christmas I think that proportionately I spend less than my parents did even though obviously that was a pretty outstanding year and I remember being absolutely thrilled. That isn't an orange and a sixpence, I will spend about 100 each on the dc this year. To me that doesn't seem like that much though, I could afford to spend more but they have most of what they need.

DisappointedOne · 21/11/2015 12:54

DD gets nothing from her paternal grandparents, aunts and uncles (3 sets) - we're out of sight, out of mind to them.

She gets a very small gift from my sister (usually chocolate or a DVD) and a small stocking with socks, hair bobbles, bubble bath etc from my parents. She gets bigger gifts for her birthday (but still nothing from aunts and uncles. Her paternal GPs bought her a £1 colouring book.)

Strokethefurrywall · 21/11/2015 12:58

I'm pretty sure I fall into the "middle class and mean" category from the outside in that we have money but don't buy much for Christmas. Reasoning behind is that we live overseas and my two get spoiled rotten with gifts whenever we have visitors which is often. And honestly when MIL comes with suitcases full of lovely bits for them from her and their great grandma, I'm not going to stand in the way and ask her to ration them. She arranged to bring them things they love, she gets to watch them enjoy them!
Given that, 4 year old DS1 will be getting the Octopod and 20 month old DS2 will be getting a little people playhouse. Both about $40 each on Amazon. Thankfully we live on an island where the kids aren't bombarded by Christmas commercials and I'm hoping it stays that way at least for a few more years because this island is shockingly expensive. I love Christmas but am glad I only have to think about 1 gift each rather than lots of things whilst they are small.
But it's not competitive, it's just that they get too much through the rest of the year. And they dont yet understand the concept of consumerism, unlike me who has a wish list as longneck as my arm...

DisappointedOne · 21/11/2015 13:04

Just totting up. DD will have:

Something to wear: dressing up (bought at dlp but didn't get round to giving it to her) £40
Read: Welsh book, £6
Want: either buckaroo or junior monopoly, £10-12
Need: undecided

myotherusernameisbetter · 21/11/2015 13:11

*Yes but then the Spiderman top is maybe something he "wants" and the pre teen hoody is the same so how is that going to work?

What do you mean how is it going to work?

I buy it they open it and say 'oh wow, thanks mum and dad, the hoodie I wanted!'

That's how it works*

You know I was referring to that god awful poem. So if they want something to wear that uses up 2 categories and actually if they need a new top and it says "Spiderman" on it then that is all 4 completed and job done. Hmm

I think we all get that people all do Christmas differently, if we go back to the OP, it's about people trying to outdo others on the frugality that is a pain in the arse. It's also not helpful for the small amount of people who believe the shite that is trotted out on here and follow that poem without realising that a) people are talking shit and b) those shite talkers have other relatives that buy the children other stuff too.

I have good memories of Christmas growing up - we were pretty poor but them most of my friends were too. I had a modest pile of stuff on Christmas day, all things I enjoyed. I never got anyting that I would have put on my list as I learned very early that Santa wasn't real no-one I knew got the shiny new bikes etc that were in the movies and in adverts.

Consequently I never ever let my parents know the things that I really wanted as I was aware that they couldn't afford them. That is absolutely fine. However, if I knew that my parents could afford it but just chose to not give me anything that I would have liked, in some way to teach me a life lesson, then I think I would be both hurt and angry.

laffymeal · 21/11/2015 13:40

When I had to buy for a lot of people my DC got less because I only had a finite amount of money but they got more presents from other people. As years have gone by we've cut back on friends' DCs and nieces and nephews so I can spend more on my own children.

I couldn't care less what anyone else spends. I'd spend every last penny on mine, cause they're lovely and deserve to get what they want. I love seeing their faces when it's something they would never have expected to get.

The competitive "mine only get £50" is dull as. Up to them, but I can't imagine what you can actually get for £50 that many 21st century urban teenagers would want.

Yankeetarts19 · 21/11/2015 13:57

If I spent £50 on mine that would be one Xbox game nothing else just the game

myotherusernameisbetter · 21/11/2015 14:02

and you know what yankee?, if that was all you had to spend, your DC would be delighted with that and absolutely appreciate it.

as an aside, you do know that if you shop about, you needn't ever pay full whack? I've never paid £50 for a £50 game in my life :)

Yankeetarts19 · 21/11/2015 14:07

They would appreciate it,I just like to get them more then that,also they only get presents of us no other relatives bother with them