To be furious at mil...yet again!

[Somadrightnow]

You've probably read about my ongoing issues with my mil on other threads.
Basically dh went nc with his dsis after she ignored our dd from birth- she was apparently mad that he didn't have enough time for his nieces and other slights she'd wrongly took Offence at- we tried number our times to sort things out she wasn't interested- just increasingly nasty and vile (FB rants, abusive msg etc).
Mil blamed us entirely for the fall out in the beginning and went on to try to ruin our wedding beforehand and during because we hadn't invited the dsis.
Since then mil said she had spoken to a few friends family members and realises that dsis actually was the root of the arguments and she was going to remind neutral from then on she wouldn't be picking sides anymore.
It was her 60th bday last weekend she told dh she wasn't going to have a party- you know what's coming next...yes there was a party the dsis and her kids were invited obviously we were not and our dd was excluded yet again (we've been told mil can't see dd at Xmas or last Xmas because it upsets the dsis too much!)
I'm just mad my dd is treated like a second grade grandchild because sil stamps her feet its ridiculous.

Point taken think I have caused confusion by saying nc- think more what happened was dh stopped contacting his dsis, we didn't go to hers or invite her to ours anymore- where before we would organise lots of meals/trips out so we ceased initiating contact rather than going full NC Iyswim.
I don't want the potential inlaw behaviour to cloud over the newborn's arrival and hope I am wrong maybe we need to head it off and dh needs to remind his mum that we won't have a repeat of the wedding fall out and that his sis will not be meeting the baby.

He is nc with his sister and his mother is lying to him, yet it is still his fault

Yep, because way back when the wedding drama was unfolding and all this he hasn't said ' I'm not intrested in any of this crap. From now on count me and my family out. Call me when you all grow up'

op sometimes it's really hard to fully stand up to family members when you have been manipulated and bullied all your life by them. What you really must not do is let your family fall victim to it either and that is what's happening now. Tbh I was the one that stood up to mil first and Dh followed suit.

Cleansheetsandbedding

He has already cut some of his family out.

So you're on Low Contact with sil, which ought to make things easier on everyone, but she is doing her best to make everyone take sides definitely and irrevocably.

Do you still organise lots of meals/trips out like you used to? I think you should continue in that way, just invite others instead of sil, or leave her out. ATM she gets everything, continues with all her usual social activities and if you're there too then she can make a great big fuss and get all the attention. I'm sure, that if she felt she was losing out by her behaviour it would give her pause for thought. She may never behave well, and you may never be able to fully enjoy time with dh's family because of that, but if you make a massive effort to get lots of the wider family back into socialising with you it'll be good for you, dh and dd in general.

You don't like the woman and you don't like her daughter. WHY do you want to be invited to her party?

I would try to ignore your feelings that it's a shame your DD can't be included in wider family gatherings. All that matters to your DCs is you and their friends.

I had always thought that my DM's side of the family were close, but over the last two years we have been excluded by them when we needed them most over a stupid, stupid incident that could easily have been hit around and overcome. My DM is more and more ill. When we lose her, that will be the end of our connection with the wider family as far as I'm concerned.

Many people are essentially selfish when it comes down to it. You're not losing anything by not spending time with them.

Could have been got around.