To be annoyed about some odd reactions to news that I'm expecting a boy?

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Dd is 3. Just found out we are having a ds. I have 2 dsis as does dh. The responses so far:

My mum: I don't know what to do with a boy
My dad: We'll love him regardless...watch out for the spray!
Dsis: Are you disappointed?

Childfree friends:
Oh. How do you feel about that?
I hope he's a good baby.

Colleague with a ds: I hope you've got a lot of energy.

I'm fully prepared to be told I'm being over sensitive. Dh has had nothing but congratulations. Is it the assumption that he has wanted a boy?

If I'm honest with myself, I had it in my head that it would be another girl, despite the obvious chance it could be either. I'm scared they won't have as close a bond with each other and of the finances - much less clothes hand me downs etc. These comments aren't helping to reassure me. I'm getting excited for our new arrival, but it's been a struggle with the odd comments. I don't them.

People say things without thinking...sometimes those things are upsetting. It hurts even more when it's something to do with your baby or child.

I have three boys and they are awesome. Why people feel the need to say, 'will you try for a girl?' I can't imagine!! No I bloody won't! Same as if I had three girls.

For the record, some boys and girls are pickles, some are not. Some boys and girls are quiet, some are not. Some boys and girls are busy, some are not. Most people are a mixture of all sorts.

Anyway, amongst all those females, you are going to soon learn that your boy will be adored and admired no end. Enjoy!

My mum just said the other day 'its a shame you arent having one of each'
This is a singleton pregnancy and ive got a DD and DS already
People are weird is the only feasible conclusion

Boys are completely under valued as children
By whom?
I love little boys and as a teacher always found them a lot more interesting than the stereotypical well-behaved girls. (Yes, I know not all girls fit the stereotype, but many do.)

Congratulation. I would love a db for my dd! Xx

Larry there's been enough threads on here to get the general feel that girls are seen as first prize.

It's always mothers wanting girls for some reason. When you hear of an expectant mother mentioning a preferance it's ALWAYS a girl. At a restaurant my mum and I bumped into one of her work colleagues who was pregnant. My mum said something about it likely being a boy. Her work colleague looked horrified and replied "I hope not! I want a girl! She got a boy.

People like that don't deserve children. They really don't.

I don't have girls, I have twin boys. A lot of people said ' I bet you're disappointed you didn't have one of each' when they arrived. Not at all.

A friend had a single girl at the same time and looked puzzled when i put shower curtain under their high chair, saying her daughter ate really neatly.

When she went onto had a boy she secretly confessed that she knew where I was coming from with the mess and aggressive play.

Her girl was just tidier / neater / quieter.

(watch out for the piddled on loo seat. That's about the only difference I can foresee you getting)

5boys here and I found random people where more upset than I was."Having another boy"was seen as a very sad thing.Plus just because you have a girl doesn't mean you have a best friend for life.

My eldest son and I where very alike and used to do a lot together.All children are individual.

A friend had a single girl at the same time and looked puzzled when i put shower curtain under their high chair, saying her daughter ate really neatly.

This is not a boy/ girl difference believe me, her child is just very unusual. Just like my girls are not quiet and dd1 is a very very energetic child and always has been. Its all anecdotal.

tobysmum77

These days i'm mostly trying for a bit of p & q

I agree that the prevailing feeling on here, and elsewhere, seems to be pro-girl and anti-boy. I naturally dislike the frequent favouring of girls as a mother of sons, but I also feel the preference for girls isn't all that great for those girls either - it seems often to be about going shopping, buying pretty cloths, being the mother of the bride, the girl presumedly liking quieter pursuits, the whole 'a daughter's a daughter for all of her life' thing - i.e. at a collective level, girls seem valued for their convenience to the mother and the mother's potential to identify with them/see themselves reflected in them.

people can be dicks. Sorry, not much help I know. When I was expecting dd3 I had lots of 'oh, I guess your DH wants a son' (nope, happy with whatever), 'why would you want a third, two is enough' (really? If we can afford to have more...) Fuck knows what they'll come out with now I'm expecting number 4 - another girl :)

This is the last though, I'm getting too old - someone will probably tell me that too

I got a lot of similar comments from family when I was expecting DS1, but especially when DS2 arrived too. My mother told me what a shame it was that I'd never have a girl! I was very quick to point out that a) boys are awesome, b) she was making a big assumption that I would have no more babies and c) I dreaded having a girl as my own relationship with my mother was so toxic that I felt it would be inevitable that this would be repeated if I had a girl.

From my experience the fact that siblings are different sexes has not hampered their relationship. My eldest (dd) 21 and my second (ds) 18 are and always have been thick as thieves...

I have read the thread-did I miss it?

Noone said "Oh one of each, perfect"?

Roomba, I was worried about having girls for the same reason (relationship with Mother), actually it's been a good thing, it's made me a more thoughtful parent because I was terrified my dd's would feel about me the way I feel about my mother iyswim.

People are annoying.
When I had DS2 (a while ago), the reactions really got me down.
I have 2 DS and 1 DD. Honestly, they are all bonded in different ways; it really isn't the case the a DS and DD won't bond as strongly as same sex siblings.
Congratulations.

I have a dd and a ds. I didn't find out the sex of either before they were born. I assumed I would gave another dd as in my whole family the last boy to be born was nearly 36 years ago!

When ds was born my family were surprised but there were no comments except congratulations. However friends said a combo of -

"Well done you! A full set!"
"How clever of you"
"No need for anymore now"
"What a shame they won't be able to play together"

Dd is nearly 11 and ds is 8. They play, laugh, fight, argue and love other like the best of them! They like very similar things. Dd is a bit of a tomboy so we've been able to pass down lots of clothes, even shoes.

I've never understood the comments on gender. Girls and boys are ALL amazing, and ALL different.

Congratulations OP

Yanbu. It's really stupid and doesn't take into account that all kids are different and just themselves, not a product of their sex alone.

I sometimes wonder if it's a reaction to the attitudes in the past and in some cultures that only a boy was/is worth having. Almost as though white, British people (and many non white British people) were somehow trying to "even it up" by processing to want girls. But that might be (is) over thinking it.

There seems to be a tendancy, if anything, for women to want girls and men to want boys. Not universally, of course, but in some cases where people express a preference. That is slightly understandable, they want a copy of themselves maybe, but does actually make sense as all kids are different.

I have one of each. Sometimes I catch myself thinking maybe two of whatever sex would be better as they would be more likely to be playmates. Then I cop on to myself and realise that the sex of the child doesn't actually determine their personality.

Op, if anything, many people I know think boys are generally easier. But of course in reality you can't generalise.

Both of mine are individuals, like all children. They have some traits typical of their sex/gender but in some ways defy it. DS is quite fastidious while DD never was. Both are very active kids with extremely determined personalities. Sometimes I long for a placid one of either sex! But not for long because they are both brilliant.

Professing, not processing.

Larry there's been enough threads on here to get the general feel that girls are seen as first prize. Oh, sorry, I haven't read any of those threads. How odd. When my mother had two girls (1950s) people commiserated because she hadn't had boys.

I used to feel so fed up about the assumption that I'd be disappointed about having a DS, that I started to compile a book of passages from literature about mothers and sons. Time moved on, but I wish I'd kept going with it, as I think it would be a good gift for a new mother of a DS.

I realised it went both ways when I was out with my friend and her 2 DDs and an old lady told her to get on with making number 3 a boy or her husband might leave her?!

I had this. When people found I was expecting a so they ignored me completely and congratulated my DH! At one point people even congratulated my FiL and my DH and ignored me entirely. I did think at the time I at least warranted an honorable mention considering I was actually the one carrying baby.

I think its just an assumption that the father is desperate for a son (or in FiL case a grandson) to carry the name. Pay it no mind.

Pregnancy I found makes people say weird things.

This thread reminds me so much of when ds was born - except I was the one saying "but I don't know what to do with a boy!" My family were all girls, dsis had a girl first and I had 2 stepdaughters - it's all I had known and was used to! I have since discovered that my parents had similar thoughts to myself - though they had the good grace to keep them to themselves when he was born. They've only told me recently by way of explaining their love for him and how wrong they were. I'm always now really positive when I hear women are pregnant with boys, just to redress the balance a bit! It's been a roller coaster, as are all children, but would I change it? Not for the world! I would have been the same with a girl no doubt but I do think there are a lot of ill advised comments made about male pregnancies. All children are fab, and unique. That is all there is to it!

I had a girl, then had a boy and got a lot of comments 'ooh, one of each aren't you lucky' when they were small as they are close in age, but people do stop commenting after a while!! I am glad I had a girl first as I wanted that mother/daughter relationship & we are very close. In the end, it's just luck of the draw. I may have tried for no. 3 if I'd had two boys, but it would be more likely to be a boy judging by friends' experiences. They are very different, but probably less competitive being opposite sexes and they also get on well on the whole. Yes, you can't generally hand things down unless you get gender neutral stuff. We managed it with a few things like pyjamas and some t-shirts and even shoes (converse in neutral colours). DD has always hated pink so that helped!!