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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed about some odd reactions to news that I'm expecting a boy?

90 replies

1Potato2 · 19/11/2015 23:36

Dd is 3. Just found out we are having a ds. I have 2 dsis as does dh. The responses so far:

My mum: I don't know what to do with a boy
My dad: We'll love him regardless...watch out for the spray!
Dsis: Are you disappointed?

Childfree friends:
Oh. How do you feel about that?
I hope he's a good baby.

Colleague with a ds: I hope you've got a lot of energy.

I'm fully prepared to be told I'm being over sensitive. Dh has had nothing but congratulations. Is it the assumption that he has wanted a boy?

If I'm honest with myself, I had it in my head that it would be another girl, despite the obvious chance it could be either. I'm scared they won't have as close a bond with each other and of the finances - much less clothes hand me downs etc. These comments aren't helping to reassure me. I'm getting excited for our new arrival, but it's been a struggle with the odd comments. I don't them.

OP posts:

April2013 · 20/11/2015 06:49

I had similar when I found out 3 years ago that my DS was going to be a boy, there does seem to be a fairly common idea that girls are slightly better, I really don't know why. Now I am expecting another boy the naysayers are V pleased about it! Also my mother in law thinks sons are bad because when they get married you are no longer the number 1 woman in their life and they will always side with the wife over you which I think is just bollocks on many levels. Congratulations on your little boy!

KeepOnMoving1 · 20/11/2015 06:55

It's more common than you think. Girls just seem to be the preference and boys second prize. I'm not sure why probably that bs to do with boys being naughty and a handful and girls so sweet and princesses. Just ignore op, when the baby is here they will be cooing all over him.

waitingforsomething · 20/11/2015 06:57

How bizarre. I had DS when DD was 2.8 - I didn't find out first but when he was born all I ever got was 'congratulations' or 'you must be so happy to have one of each'. In relation to later comment I didn't mind a jot. DS is every bit as gorgeous and perfect as DD enjoy him when he arrives

DeepBlueLake · 20/11/2015 07:33

I had DS2 just 2 weeks ago, I've had the usual "will you be trying for a little girl", "are you disappointed?" etc. I am not bothered in the slightest about having a girl.

DS1 is a very relaxed baby and does not have more energy compared to other toddler girls his age.

Honestly people make stupid throwaway comments without thinking, don't take any notice.

CuppaSarah · 20/11/2015 07:39

I've had the exact same reactions to the fact I have a DD and am expecting a DS. My mum even stopped talking to me for ages and keeps telling me how she doesn't know what to do with boys and saying everything but how disappointed she obviously is.

Everyone else is telling me how clever i am for obviously setting up a female sperm filter system in my vagina at the same time they'll also tell me its a bit of a shame in not having another girl. You can't win, its impossible.

Griphook · 20/11/2015 07:49

Boys are completely under valued as children

HackerFucker22 · 20/11/2015 07:55

Very bizarre reactions.

My mum did jokingly say she wouldn't know what to do with a granddaughter when dneice arrived but to be fair my folks had 7 grandsons by that point!!

I didn't find out with DC1 but did with DC2. Positive reactions from everyone both times. We had one of each!

HeteronormativeHaybales · 20/11/2015 07:57

I have recently had a dd after 2 ds and a big gap. It really, really annoyed me that so many people were especially pleased for me because she was a girl. Not so much because I had finally got my third child after recurrent mc. It made me feel she somehow wouldn't have been quite so welcomed if she had been a boy I love my dd, of course, but I genuinely didn't care about the sex. A little gang of three brothers would have been fab too.

tobysmum77 · 20/11/2015 08:02

I think you are reading too much into it and yabu. The top prize what 'everyone' wants is a boy and a girl. Those of us with 2 of one are constantly asked if we're having another or poor DH with no son. However, we believe (with no experience of any other set up) that there are advantages ie hand me downs, my 2c generally get on etc.

I've said to people I wouldn't know what to do with a boy and mums of boys say the alternative and at me with the tales of having to excecute perfect buns for ballet. Its just conversation, people saying this is a new experience. Chill, enjoy your baby. Boys are great, girls are great. Thats it end of.

VintageTrouble · 20/11/2015 08:03

I have 2DD's and then a DS. The amount of people that assumed a) DH had really wanted a boy, not one of those silly girls things, b) assumed we only had a 3rd to try for a boy was astonishing.

People are bonkers.

FairNotFair · 20/11/2015 08:04

When DS2 was born, I received a card from my ex-work colleagues. One wrote "Two boys! Better luck next time." I can't say it bothered me: some people are just dicks.

RachelZoe · 20/11/2015 08:05

Welcome to the world of mothering boys. I have 6 so you can imagine the tilted heads and messed up comments I've had. I'm extremely "feminine" too so people have assumed we get trying until I got a dolly to play with .

I have two set of twins and after the second set someone actually said "oh not again" . I also had an acquaintance avoid me as she had a daughter after 3 boys and she thought I might get upset seeing her

I really, really do not understand this strong preference for girls that people have, a baby is a baby surely.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 20/11/2015 08:07

It's so weird that people wonder what you would do with a baby of a different sex. It shows how entrenched people are in the way they think about gender.

RachelZoe · 20/11/2015 08:07

kept trying, not get trying.

rageagainsttheBIL · 20/11/2015 08:11

Yes... we are expecting DS2, only one person of several has made a positive comment to me (even though they were clearly delighted to have one of each themselves). The rest have been "at least you won't have to buy more clothes" at best (and actually I wouldn't have regardless of sex, as most of our stuff is primary colours and I wouldn't feel the need to dress a baby girl in pink dresses). We have been told how disappointed our niece will be

tobysmum77 · 20/11/2015 08:15

It's so weird that people wonder what you would do with a baby of a different sex. It shows how entrenched people are in the way they think about gender.

Lol it's just conversation you are constantly told by people how 'different' they are. Why do people on mn have to take everything so seriously?

clicketyclick66 · 20/11/2015 08:18

My work colleague already had dd1, she had a horrible labour that ended in an emergency section but had a healthy dd2. Her husband, a farmer phoned me ecstatic that all was ok. Most of our fellow colleagues asked if her dh was disappointed, I said er, no he's ecstatic - but according to them a farmer would prefer a son no matter what!
I don't understand it either OP, it's none of anybody's business. People say stupid things all the time. I have a ds aged almost 15, he was always a bundle of energy and I got told I would miss his toddler days once he became a stroppy teenager - well, I enjoy his company now and wouldn't want to go back to running after him!
Congratulations on your ds

LaLaLaaaa · 20/11/2015 08:19

How odd! Don't let it spoil your excitement.

Boys are gorgeous! I wanted a girl but when I found out he was a boy I loved the idea. He's now a gorgeous 4 month old big bundle of cuddles.

katienana · 20/11/2015 08:25

I have a younger brother and we are really close. I looked after him when he started school and was crying for mum at playtime. I helped him revise for his exams when we were doing gcses and a levels at the same time. He got roped into my games and as we got older we roamed around on our bikes together. He also gave me a good insight into male behaviour. My own son reminds me of what he was like as a kid actually! It will be great for your dd and for you.
Maybe you could find someone who has an older boy younger girl to swap clothes with?

PicnicPie · 20/11/2015 08:26

**People are dicks.

Congratulations and enjoy a health pregnancy

^^this!

I have two DD's and some of the comments I get just make me .

Dogsmom · 20/11/2015 08:27

Firstly congratulations

I maybe misreading it here so please don't take offence if I'm wrong but you say you thought it was probably a girl and do seem to have maybe had slight preference for another girl, it's a totally natural thing and I think the majority of people have a slight preference for one or the other, that's not to say that sex comes before health of course it doesn't.

Before you found out did you make any comments about it being a girl? Most of us go through the pros/cons for each and how we imagine things would plan out, I have 2 girls and with dd2 I said many times that I liked the idea of 2 girls for things like financial reasons in passing things down, the hope they'd be close and have similar interests etc
All of the comments you've had other than your Mum's sound like they're a response to thinking you'd have liked a girl and not aimed at boys being a bad thing.
Your Mum's comment also doesn't seem nasty just a bit tactless.

We're naturally very protective over our babies and super sensitive to any comments that seem to be derogatory when in reality they're not, this subject is raised a lot on here and quickly fills up with people who've had what we feel are negative comments towards both boys and girls, I bet in reality 99.9% of those were made without malice but it's not how it feels to the mother.
I too had what felt like negative comments with my daughters even the midwife asked me mid labour if I was going to try for a boy next time, I'm sure she wasn't being deliberately offensive and without the raging hormones I wouldn't have felt like punching her!

Anyway, enjoy your pregnancy and try not to let misguided comments get to you.

5madthings · 20/11/2015 08:31

People just don't always think before they speak imo. They are trying to make conversation but end up being a bit rude.

I am preg with baby no 6, we have four boys and one girl already. Dd is number five so with the later boys we got lots oh no, and how disappointing.... Er No we were never disappointed ever. Then when dd was born you would think o had given birth to the second messiah! Now with number 6 we haven't found out the Sex, we don't care either way. But apparently we are being mean to our current children by not letting them find out if they are getting a brother or a sister.... Well it will be a brother or a sister, they seem Ok not knowing!

A lot of people have also said I must want another girl so dd has a sister. We really do not care, we wanted a large family and have been lucky enough to get that, Sex of the child is irrelevant.

CocktailQueen · 20/11/2015 08:33

Congrats

What bizarre reactions! I think one of each is perfect.

But tbf a healthy baby of either gender would be perfect.

You have odd family and friends! But I'm sure if you were pg with another girl people would say, oh, shame, weren't you hoping for a boy?

EponasWildDaughter · 20/11/2015 08:57

People will say stupid and ill thought out things no matter what you're having.

I have 4 daughters. You can imagine the comments i've had over the years.

YES. I AM HAPPY.

(just for the record )

tobysmum77 · 20/11/2015 09:04

Are you going to have another one Eponas to try for a boy?

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