To be fed up of my MIL commenting on my eating habits?

[butlerbabies]

Let me start off by saying she's not a big woman! I've always been a small portion eater, and if I don't like something, I won't eat it. If I am full, I will not force myself to eat it.

Once again tonight, for the 1000th time, I was questioned as to why I didn't finish what was on my plate. I handed my plate to MIL as she went around collecting plates. I said "that was absolutely lovely, thank you" which immediately followed by her asking "not nice enough for you to finish it though, is it? "

I really felt quite embarrassed because DP, BIL and BIL's partner were all looking my way. I'm really quite fed up of her comments like this.

I've never been one to be pampered to. As a Spanish family growing up, I ate from normal menus and I was never a fussy eater, I just don't like large portions. I don't think kids menus were heard of, actually...

For example, I've always made it clear that I wouldn't want anything to go to waste, and have always said 'just a small bit for me please' because MIL hates waste.

Recently, we had a girls night in whilst FIL and DP/BIL went for drinks. We arranged to all chip in and buy a big bonus bucket of KFC chicken etc (my favourite), which came to £5 each. After handing my fiver over when we'd all eaten, she exclaimed "Oh no love, you keep it. You hardly touched a thing lol" (I did, I'm not sure she realised that time ).

I'm just getting a bit fed up with people getting pissy with me for not being a big eater. I'm not pin thin either. And besides that, I don't think the quantity of my dinner plate consumption has much to do with anyone really!

AIBU? Should I expected to get glares if I don't force feed? It's quite disrespectful in my books. I know it's a cultural thing with some, but she's British through and through and Brits are wasteful people (I'm not saying that's an excuse to be wasteful etc). I'm just pointing out that are family don't have certain 'customs'.

I don't like putting the food in serving dishes for every meal because it's just extra washing up. Don't mind for visitors depending on the meal really.

My MIL does similar, 'You must be on a diet'! drives me insane.

I'm with Maki. I have a large appetite and am far from slim. My MIL (who I do actually get on quite well with mostly) has been heard to utter comments like "are you going to eat ALL that?" and "Are you eating AGAIN?"

It's good you've never said anything silly about Brits being wasteful to your MIL. You can be firm and sort this out without being rude and offensive about an entire nation.

Brits are wasteful people

She shouldn't comment on the size of your appetite but you are equally rude for making the above remark.

Did I not apologise for the Brit remark?

Don't you know we're the only country in the EU who throw away good veg as suppliers because it must look good?

I plate up for us as a family, but with guests, including dds' friends, I would put food in serving bowls for people to help themselves. I wouldn't be judging guests on how much they ate, sometimes I want to eat lots and sometimes I don't. It's called listening to your appetite. My parents purposely did not bring us up eating everything on our plates, we were encouraged to try things, though.

you could always say 'just a little for me, please', or even offer to help.

generalising about 60 million people doesn't show you in a good light.

and we don't decide that we only eat pretty veg. The supermarkets do that. I hate it because most of our veg tastes of nothing.

I always thought it was rude to not clear your plate. Im british, and many times when i have been served a meal i try to eat everything on there. Even things i dont like, i forcefully eat enough so its clear ive tried them at least. Not if im buying my meal...at which point the comments come "you cant be full. Why have you left all of that. No wonder youre so thin" and your confused as to why youre so fucking fat? I hate weight comments for any size, but that is the only time i ever want to use it. I just dont have it in me to offend someone in that way as i know how much i hate it myself. I just dont get how its not classed as offensive to comment on a petite persons frame, but it is to comment on a larger person.
I was pressured to eat everything on my plate as a child

I serve up for everyone, but I do ask. DH won't have much rice, dd won't want much meat etc. I ask people if that's enough of whatever the food is as I dish up. I don't worry if it's all eaten or not, unless they've left it because they don't like it. I hate anyone to be hungry, though, so if dd has eaten very little I tend to assume she didn't like it and so offer to make her a sandwich!

My MIL is a commenter, too. She is big, though, and there are definitely jealousy/insecurity issues at play.

She comments if I don't finish my plate, and on the fact I don't 'make' my DC finish their plate either, which really winds her up. Think thats generational thing, though. 'Eat all your dinner or no pudding' etc, whereas I believe in 'stop eating when you're full' within reason (obviously don't waste lots of food!).

But she also comments on me eating too much at other times . 'Oh, are you hungry again?' etc. We have different eating habits, basically - I eat a small breakfast, a small lunch, then an afternoon snack, then dinner'...whereas she eats big breakfast, lunch and dinner, and a lot of shitty crisps/nuts etc which dont seem to count as food in her books.

Whatever...its fucking rude to comment on people's eating habits. I just ignore.

"I always thought it was rude to not clear your plate."

I wonder why people think this?

Surely it's rude to heap up a plate & expect it all to be eaten?

I'd rather people eat what they want & enjoy it than stuff themselves & feel uncomfortable.

Bluetrews25 - my mum too. She is still like this with my daughters despite my telling her repeatedly that we don't make them clear their plates at home and that I believe that growing up always having to clear your plate means you're not good at regulating your own appetite. She never disagrees with me when I say this, but the next time she cooks for them she starts with the "eat it all up now, don't make Granny sad" almost immediately the food is in front of them.

To make another possibly offensive national generalisation, she is Irish, and like everyone else in her family serves massive portions at the same time as hating waste.

My mums like this. Doesn't understand the meaning of small portions. She also plates up food.

Last Sunday we had roast beef. Half a cow was put on my plate. I added veg. But no potatoes. Just didn't fancy them. Big loud mum voice " are you no carbing? Don't be silly have potatoes" then lumped 4 on my plate.

I hate huge portions. I like to eat and could happily eat two or three plates. But just smaller portions.

Food is massively emotive. I've several friends who've had issues with food Inc ed. The people who had ed had parents with food issues too. From plate clearing to extreme fussiness to a mother I am certain was anorexic and passed that onto her daughters.

We have problems with obesity and ed in this country yet we seem unwilling to address them.

Sorry I digress, she's being rude OP. As with all Mil threads I feel your dp needs to speak to her.

My ex in-laws used to comment on me eating too much - I was a size 8 but very active. I used to go to bed hungry when visiting them (they also had a strict meal and snack schedule and only Mil fetched food and drink! At regimented times!) And would lose weight which at that time I could ill afford to!

Op we need to swap mils. Mine always makes comments about how much I eat and how her own tiny appetite (despite the fact she's overweight and I'm not.)

I think it's just incredibly rude to comment on people's eating habits, full stop. To me, food is already wasted once it's been bought.

I agree with most posters. Again, sorry for the uncalled for remark. I myself regard myself as British (English). I was born and raised in London

It's incredibly rude to comment on people's eating habits.

I also think it's quite rude to plate up food for people, unless it's a big casserole type thing, but even then I would serve it at the table, asking people how much they want as I go. My MIL plates up, and is quite controlling in general around food - asking for a less or more of something, or for salt and pepper, or butter for potatoes etc is all a bit frowned upon. It's all a but miserable tbh.

I rarely finish a plate someone else has served for me - I have quite a small appetite and anyway I find big plates of food off putting. I absolutely refuse to stuff myself in order to be 'polite'.

We're shockingly wasteful.

People invest so much emotion in food - it's a means of expressing love for others, a matter of pride in being a good feeder/carer - probably other stuff too.......

OP if you can discreetly put your excess on your DP's plate that might be the way to go.

I remember the HUGE portions in the USA. In ordered a fish sandwich expecting something like a McDonalds filet o fish. No, it was like the fish you get at the chippie, in a huge scooby doo style roll stuffed with salad. There was a side of enough chips to fill a bucket and an entire cereal bowl of coleslaw. I'm a big eater but that was too much. I never know how much to plate up for people because I'm scared of overdoing it so prefer a help yourself approach.

I agree that many people/companies in the UK are massively wasteful with food and that most restaurants serve far too much.

I can usually only eat about half what is served in restaurants/take away portions and I refuse to eat until I am uncomfortably stuffed in the aim of being polite. I do usually take doggy bags from restaurants and eat leftover takeaway the next day, which is quite unusual in the UK.

I was quite surprised on the thread about 'am I greedy or do some people serve tiny portions' where the thread was side tracked into a ‘how many potatoes does your Irish Mammy feed you’ and people said things like ‘they wanted people to hurt when they left the table’ er why???. It was claimed that the aim of a roast dinner was to stuff yourself with a massive pile of food so you could not move afterwards. I know roast dinners are delicious, but why eat that much? What is so wrong about eating just enough? It's not usually the case that you don't know where your next meal is coming from.

This is a genuine question and forgive my ignorance. Are 'doggy bags' not the done thing in the UK?

Yes, many of our (US) restaurants serve huge portions, but most of them actually expect that you won't finish and that you'll take the rest home in a 'to go' container. I typically get 2 meals out of a lot of the meals I'm served when dining out. It's also not terribly unusual to split a plate at some places.

pond Portions in the UK are not as large as the US and many people with larger appetites than me will eat all their meal anyway.

However, if eating out in a group, I am often the only person to take leftovers, everyone else simply leaving their uneaten food, or eating it all, even if they are very full.

Many people seem to think that eating leftovers is 'not the done thing', not very nice, desperate/scuzzy, or that the restaurant won't allow or won't have facilities to box up their food.

Their loss, I get to enjoy my meal twice.

Across the pond - I don't think doggy bags are a thing here - be great if it was! I had a group of American friends and we were eating in a Chinese restaurant in Italy (I know I know weird) and they asked for a container to take it home as they couldn't finish and the woman looked at them like they'd asked for a turd in a saucer.

This discussion reminds me of my mum and her massive portions (that sounds rude!) I of course never knew they were huge until I invited two very skinny friends around when I was 12 and she served them a bowl of cereal and they looked at them in TERROR. and when I went to their house I did a little cry at how tiny the tea was.

I was always overweight (not massively - but well built) and it's probably because of how I see a portion from my mum. She had a poor upbringing with many sisters and brothers so probably thinks she's giving me more / feeding me more than her - and she definitely sees it as love. God love her.