To be furious that exh wouldn't lend me money? (Long)

[agapimou]

Me and exh separated over 2 years ago but due to financial reasons stayed living together for another 5 months, all very civilized thankfully. I eventually moved into my own flat but we stayed in regular contact went for coffee etc. After about 2 months i met a new man totally out of the blue. I wasn't looking for anyone and was actually enjoying the thought of being single for a few years. I told exh immediately, he freaked out and made several tearful attempts to win me back but I gently told him no each time.

After that he became cold and all communication stopped between us until 6 months later I received an email from him saying he had a problem with his visa (he is from non-EU country) and could I come to help. I said of course, explained everything to new partner who was really cool about it. I got on a train (9 hour journey) and stayed 10 days in his town until visa was sorted. He reimbursed me for train ticket and hotel while I was there. 1 month later he called and asked if I could come back again for 1 small detail with his paperwork, but I said no as I had just found out I was pregnant. Since then we have had occasional contact but all very friendly and nice.

Anyway, dd is 1 year old now and a few days ago I had a huge financial problem. I'm a freelance writer and a customer didn't buy leaving us without any money at all for two s until next payment was expected. We literally had no food, pampers, gas for heating, nothing. We also don't live in UK so no food banks or anything of the sort here. I emailed exh asking if he could lend me 200 euros to pass the 2 weeks (I'm supporting me, Dp, dd and MIL with just my salary). He wrote back that he was on holiday and was sorry about my situation but couldn't do anything.

First of all, being on holiday does not stop him lending me the money, he could transfer it or send through western union. He also has plenty of money so that wasn't the problem.

Aibu to be so mad at him? I understand that he still holds a grudge against me for new relationship but he conveniently put that to one side when he needed my. Financial situation has resolved itself now thank god, but I'm still seething with exh. Am I being U?

yabvvvu is this even real?
why are you supporting your dp and "mil" shes not your mil you are not married, so why are you responsible for them?

What kind of help would he need that you have to stay for 10 days? That sounds dodgy to me.

I don't think the OP is coming back I would guess.

Yabu. He's your ex, not Wonga (snort!)

Oh boy my first flaming

So I guess it was me then. To be honest I saw it as calling in a favour from a friend, but seeing it in the cold light of day I guess it was pretty shitty of me. Glad i didn;t send that snarky email back to him now.

To answer some posters, yes Dp is stay at home Dad. We are not normally short of money, it just caught me unprepared this month.

We also live in a country with 75% unemployment. Dp could work but would earn maybe 500 euros per month maximum. I earn more so we decided I would work. MIL is a story for another thread. She is looking for work, but she's 47 and its tough to find jobs here. So for now its all on me.

Thanks for the replies ladies, I'll go lick my wounds now.

At least you were gracious about it!

I'm guessing you're in Greece. It's tough there, to say the least.

Hope things work out.

So let me get this right, you and he split up, you did help him when you got into a new relationship but when he needs some help to finish off sorting out his visa you refuse to because you are pregnant?
I gather with new DP, not Ex husbands baby? (Just clarifying?!)
It doesn't sound like you've had much to do with each other since this point,
You are happily with DP, Baby and MIL.
Why should your ex lend you money???
You are completely unreasonable to expect him to help you. Completely.

There are women on these boards who do not receive monetary help from their children's fathers when they need it, that's an unreasonable man, not your ex husband... Get your child's father, the one you live with to find the money.

To be clear, I don't think YWBU to ask, as you would anyone you consider a friend. However I think the U bit is being angry!

Hope things get easier for you soon - I thjnk it's great your DH is happy to be a SAHP, but supporting your MIL must be emotionally if not financially tough. I can see though that as a family unit with pooled resources, you are just doing what you need to do!

So get MIL to do childcare in exchange for the support you give her. DP works and earns €500 and you carry on as main earner.

OP you seem to have missed how AIBU works. You're supposed to come back and argue that YANBU, that we haven't understood, drop in some massive drip feeds, call us all bullies and/or bitches and then get MNHQ to delete the thread. You're not supposed to put your hands up and accept the MN verdict.

I would have thought as has just been said that it would make sense for your mil to do the childcare and your bloke gets a job. Then there's that steady income for short months?

"We also live in a country with 75% unemployment. Dp could work but would earn maybe 500 euros per month maximum. I earn more so we decided I would work. MIL is a story for another thread. She is looking for work, but she's 47 and its tough to find jobs here. So for now its all on me. "

So DP can work and MIL can do child care unless she finds a job - otherwise they are basically free loading

you only needed 200 euros...

(original Q - yes YABU, and i'm also not happy with how calm and logical you are being, can we have a bit more hysterical nonsense please!!)

Yeah I would et DP working and MIL doing childcare if DP is more likely to get a job than her.

Seems a bit redic you're supporting his mother.