To be pissed off my parents have given my brother a flat deposit?

[itsthecircleoflife]

Back story: Moved out a week after turning 18. Worked every hour under the sun so I could afford to live and save up a deposit. Ten years later- and ive been in my flat for nearly a year. I literally worked every hour I could to save up and at one point I was managing two jobs and studying. Never had a great relationship with my parents. They are OK I guess but very controlling and favourtise my brother so blantantly a blind duck could see it.

Hes 26. He did the whole uni, alevels etc where as I dropped out at 16 and worked. He has a very good job that will pay him very well in a few years. I can only dream of his graduate starting salary- ill be lucky if I ever make half. Parents dislike the fact I dropped out etc and that I was in a working class job and will be again in the future (made redundant last week)

Anyway- they have given him a very sizeable sum towards a deposit. Yes, he lives in London. Yes, it would take him years of saving (as it did me) and yes he wont be in the same position as me that I had a 25% deposit to put down and have low mortgage costs.

But they have given him the money. We are talking a substansial amount here. It isnt "early inheritence"

Aibu to be a bit pissed off?

can you unplug your landline and set your mobile to silent and be very very busy tomorrow?

I want to know more. What exactly did their explosion involve? What did you say when you lost your rag?

I think you should use the cash personally. I would want to know why they've treated you unfairly and favoured your brother though. It would be make or break for me.

op boilers shouldn't cost 5k to fix, you can get top of the range boiler for less than that. better to replace then fix it.

I don't think you should ask them for any help, since they put it in your face ie you asked for boiler money, better ask a friend or get an overdraft or credit card on 0% interest for so many months.

You were probably right to return the cash because the money was given to you in such poor grace and as an attempt to manipulate your feelings after being caught out. If it had been given with kindness/love and willingly, you should have taken it.

Retuning the cash shows your extremely upset with the favouritism and putting your foot down. I agree with putting your phone on silent and not answering the door. Make other plans for Xmas and stick with them! You could always block your brother if he's awful

My inlaws gave their dd around 250-300k! Us nothing, we don't conform though are luffly...

It is hurtful for Dh or has been but ultimately he is happy as they are all emeshed in dysfunction whilst we do our own stuff on our terms. Long term it's the better place to be!

I asked them why they thought it was acceptable to show such favourtism. They told me he needed "financial support" I told them that was a laugh with the new car and the holidays hes had. I then went on to say I knew why it was, and it was because they judged me by my choices which are MINE to make. Mum then said "we are disapointed thats all". I asked how they could be disapointed in someone who has worked for the past 10 years, studied and saved up on her own to buy a house. "It isnt what we had in mind for you, it just seems such a waste". I then called her something I wont repeated with "fuck off" and hung up.

I wont turn my phone off. Its my brothers turn next

Kat- I was thinking that. It was an emergency plumber I had to call and thought he was having me on. Ill do my homework tomorrow anyway- but thank you

Agree with kat. We had a new boiler fitted by a very good heating engineer and it was about £3-3.5k

OP hope you get the boiler situation sorted as reasonably as possible.

Totally get where you're coming from. My parents (mainly instigated by my mother) have bailed my sister out every time she's screwed up! I learned a couple of years ago that she's never (despite her claims) paid back a penny. That the amount is well into 10's of thousands.

I've never borrowed more than hundreds and its been paid back within the year.

It all came to a head this year due to more increasing blatant favouritism of my sister and my sisters dc vs mine.

I'm now NC with my sister and father and V low contact with my mother. If it were just myself to consider I'd be NC with mum too but dd not ready for that.

I suspect in the op's case as with my own and pps who've had to deal with this shitty treatment from our own parents, this is a case of the final straw.

I wouldn't presume to say what the OP should do as only she knows the whole story, but at least now you know you're not alone. And also know that many of us know what its like and have been there!

Otoh as pp have also said it is nice not to be obligated to them.

Take it as a lesson on how NOT to bring up children. Favouritism, criticisms, judgments, manipulation. What on earth where they like when you were younger?

Ah, I suspected this was the case. He is seen, whether correct or not, as a sound financial investment (i.e. house) and you are a fritterer (i.e. car and boiler). If you'd chosen their path then you would have the money for those things. And without seeing the irony that helping out people who don't need it and refusing to help people who do is pretty crap.

I get it a little with my DPs. Sister has gone into a career and I'm a SAHM. Why don't I do anything with my degree they keep asking. But Sister, who earns more than my DH (who is supporting 4 of us) is constantly complaining she can't afford her lifestyle (no dcs or massive mortgage or anything) and they bail her out with money and things all the time. I get offered little, but then I don't ask. First time in years I was offered anything - happened to be money - was yesterday, DPs were rather taken aback when I said no thanks, we have it mainly covered. Yeah, the girl who has wasted her degree actually has some financial acumen - shocker!

If your brother calls you a cunt I suggest you say no, they are and you are too for smugly gloating.

Nice one OP. Hang onto that anger and for the love of a good glass of wine don't have regrets this morning.

£5k to fix a boiler? WTF. Unless you live somewhere frickin enormous you could buy two new combi ones for a 3 bed house for that kind of money.

Fuck me they gave him nearly £100.l,000????? I thought you were going to say £10k or something.

Glad you've had it out with them. I really think you should step back - having people so Involved with your life who clearly disapprove of your choices isn't nice :-(

Can't believe they wanted to keep the £100k a secret as well. Total fuckers. And your brother bragging like that.

At least you've seen them for their true colours.

Has your brother been in contact yet?

Sympathies. I'm the non favourite although my mother tries very hard to hide it it still comes out. It's a bitter pill.

I was bullied at school. 'Oh well you'll cope'
My sister startz being bullied too ' oh no. Poor x, let's send her to the really good, lovely public school. IJLTG is coping fine where she is.' I wasn't. I bunked off whenever I could and started self harming.
She still maintains I 'got on well there'

She's also very quick to pander to anything sis wants and I come second, always have, always will.

Any squabble or fight when we were children was blamed on me. I honestly think she would have got away with murder in mum's eyes.

She's changed her will so that sis will get more. A lot more. And then wanted my approval for it. I told her to do what she wanted it's HER money, but I am a bit hurt. And my mum started getting cross and defensive.

Like someone else said, it's not about the money is it?

Wow, "how did you know about that?" was their biggest problem, and not the fact how they treat you?

Brother called today to say I was being an unreasonable twat. Said a few things I probably shouldn't of, another call from my mother saying "this is why we didn't give you anything"- funny, because the other day it was because I was always asking to borrow money . Funnily enough she struggled to come up with a response to that one as well.

Well done for sticking up for yourself. I'm not sure I can say anything productive to help the situation, but well done!

I think that you need a very long break from them.

My PILs have favoured DH's sibling and it hurts so much

the person who said it isnt about the money is right

well done op, you can hold your head up high knowing you've behaved correctly and you can look yourself in the mirror

your parents and brother sound like utter arses, my advice would be stay well away, they wont change at all, they believe they are right

stay away and keep your own family close.