To be pissed off my parents have given my brother a flat deposit?

[itsthecircleoflife]

Back story: Moved out a week after turning 18. Worked every hour under the sun so I could afford to live and save up a deposit. Ten years later- and ive been in my flat for nearly a year. I literally worked every hour I could to save up and at one point I was managing two jobs and studying. Never had a great relationship with my parents. They are OK I guess but very controlling and favourtise my brother so blantantly a blind duck could see it.

Hes 26. He did the whole uni, alevels etc where as I dropped out at 16 and worked. He has a very good job that will pay him very well in a few years. I can only dream of his graduate starting salary- ill be lucky if I ever make half. Parents dislike the fact I dropped out etc and that I was in a working class job and will be again in the future (made redundant last week)

Anyway- they have given him a very sizeable sum towards a deposit. Yes, he lives in London. Yes, it would take him years of saving (as it did me) and yes he wont be in the same position as me that I had a 25% deposit to put down and have low mortgage costs.

But they have given him the money. We are talking a substansial amount here. It isnt "early inheritence"

Aibu to be a bit pissed off?

*those not this

YANBU at all but this is MN so expect a bit of a flaming and endless posters suggesting things like sending a basket of fruit to your parents for being so lovely and "If that was me OP I'f be so happy for my brother I wouldn't even realise that I didn't get the same"

Agree with this.

But this thread hasn't been too bad...yet ;)

It can hurt when siblings aren't treated the same, which you clearly feel is the case.

You and your brother have different needs.

Would your parents help you financially to study so you can increase your earning potential? Would you then feel that there was equality?

My sister has always had financial help of my parents, paying for her house repairs, paying her phone bills, paying for her driving lessons...the list goes on.

I on the other hand was offered £6 (yes, I repeat £6) from my dad a few weeks ago so I could buy something for DS and then a week later he came round to check I hadn't forgotten that I owe him £6

It's always been like that between me and my sister. It's bizarre.

OP doesn't want to study hibble.

OPs needs aren't that different to her brothers hibble. She's only just SAVED for a deposit while her brother has been GIVEN a deposit. If OPs brother had complex SEN and needed more support, it would be fair/appropriate to offer more support to the child in need. However, both OP and her brother would have been strapped for cash in their teens and twenties. The only difference is that the brothers education/career choice meets the parents approval.

Writer - I'd dig down in the recesses of my filing and find my chequebook especially to pay back that £6.

'then a week later he came round to check I hadn't forgotten that I owe him £6 hmm'

Please tell me you laughed at him and said, 'Don't be a tit, Dad'.

I'd go to the bank and ask for £6 in pennies and give him that.

treadsoftly - when my dad came to remind me I only had a £5 note on me so he took it and said he'd come back the following weekend for the other £1.

expat - I was too shocked to laugh I find it hilarious now though

Why are you phoning them three times a week? I'd be pulling back a bit if I were you. How often do they call you to see whether you're alright?

We have something similar but not on such a large financial scale. It is damaging relationships between the siblings and also sibling/parents. We've distanced ourselves physically which has helped a lot.

Please give it to him in pennies. Please. What a dick.

OP, I would stop phoning them.

100 pennies or a cheque for £1.
Twat.

OP - I completely missed the calls. Stop calling them so much. I bet that they completely take you for granted. My mum was like this - her brother was golden balls and gran left him everything she possessed [fairly substantial amount] despite one visit in 5 yrs during which time she lived FT with us [PT for the preceding 10] and was cared for by mum, dad and all of us. My uncle is a lovely man but never lifted a finger to go out of his way to help or to ensure that my mum was treated fairly.

Thank you everyone. I really didnt know how I was supposed to feel.

My brother told me in an email- the email was supposed to be him getting a house and having a house warming and would I come down for the weekend, but he couldnt help but throw in that my parents have given him the deposit- and he certainly isnt strapped for cash. Hes been on 3 foreign holidays this year and has just brought a new car (he threw that one in too). Hes achieved what he wanted to achieve which I guess has pissed me off even more because I shouldnt let him get to me.

It isnt the money thats annoying me. Its the lack of the offer to help, and the fact they have done it because they see it as he has achieved more in life and that isnt right. Ill admit there may be jealously, but its over the general favortism and not the flat deposit. Im from a middle class family and they cant understand why ive taken a different road.

If I stop ringing ill get upteen calls myself. And then when I dont answer they will be on my doorstep. They just like to keep me in my "convenience" box I guess.

Writer - tell him that your sister owes you £1 and she agreed that she'll give it to him.......

Lovely - so your brother is a smug twat too. Nice

Let them call, and call, and call. Then I'd let slip that I am planning to emigrate.

I'd pull back despite their calls/visits. Can't stand favouritism.

You say you wouldn't accept the money and think it is a way of controlling you - maybe they realise you feel like that and have therefore not offered.

So i put my theory to the test tonight.

My boiler has broken down. Its going to be about 5k to fix, although a friend has offered to loan me the money as I helped him out a few years ago.

Rang my parents and asked- explosion. "You never stop asking" "We arent made of money" "We have a holiday to pay for". So I asked how they managed to give brother the back end towards six figures for a deposit. Silence. Then "how did you know about that?" Lost my rag. Ten minutes later I got a notification from my bank (they text me when funds go in and out). Theyve sent me the 5k. Guilt money.

Ha.

Glad you told them how you feel. It is shit to feel second best.

My father just gave my brother a sizeable deposit for a property (more than 50%). He was going to get my brother to pay some back to me because he cut into what he had planned to give me for inheritance. Ha, my brother who has been bailed out by my parents to the tune of thousands pay it back?! Luckily DH spoke to my DDad for me as I was too angry.

Call them on it. Ask them what they think this is in anyway fair?

Oh wow. Just seen update. 5k? Compared to his 6 figures. Fuckers

well if it were me i would hope their darling son would be taking up the role of carer and visiting them in their twilight years as they obviously would prefer their favourite child ! what goes around comes around and favouritism certainly leaves a bad taste in the mouth, eroding good will etc!

Ooh. So take it or return it?
If you can take your friend up then return it so they know they've been so rumbled and called out.

Ive returned it along with an email saying I wont be in touch for a few weeks and not to bother calling me. They called me and told me not to bother coming for Christmas. I said fine and hung up . The "your such a cunt" calls from brother will start in the morning.