Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is being u? Friend's dp tagging along

80 replies

MeMyMine · 16/11/2015 20:58

I live far away from lots of friends and family. Came back to my area for a week and tried to arrange seeing people. Obviously it's hard because they have their own lives but if they can fit me in I really appreciate it!

Had long-standing brunch plans with good friend who I knew in her single days and was v close to until I moved away, and a mutual (girl) friend. Plan was for a long gossipy catchup. Ex colleague then turns up with dp in tow - he had plans with his friends but these fell through so wanted to join at the last min.

Aib precious to feel a bit annoyed? I like him but wanted a catchup without him there really. I'm single so had my fair share of boy gossip to report and I haven't seen her in months! They live together so see each other all the time. I obv won't say anything but I feel quite sad about it

OP posts:
pasturesgreen · 16/11/2015 21:37

YANBU. Apart from anything else, not much fun for the boyfriend either to tag along at a girls' brunch, I should think.

Original poster
MeMyMine · 16/11/2015 21:38

Thank you all. I would understand if it was a couples thing but it wasn't, three girls and her dp. they had plans for after so perhaps they did it because it was more convenient for them?

OP posts:
lorelei9 · 16/11/2015 21:38

Ugh
YANBU
Tbh I get really annoyed with these types but I've also learned to be suspicious, it's often a sign of raging codependence.

Whathaveilost · 16/11/2015 21:42

I have this problem. Last year I made contact with a long lost friend who, in the time we weren't in contact got a partner. Great for her but when I invited her for a catch up for tea and she accepted I really wasn't expecting her boyfriend to turn up. I had made a special meal for two and suddenly had to divide it by 3. DH gas made himself scarce so we could have a catch up. Awkward!
I invited her round to my house for a 'girls night in' as we say up north and listed the names of everyone that was coming -all female, and she turns up with him. We planned to go to the pictures and he comes along. She invites him. I like him but he changes he dynamic when it is a female only gathering and he is the only male partner that turns up.
I don't include her any more unless it is another sex gathering.

Laurenwils89 · 16/11/2015 21:45

YANBU. I would be annoyed if my friend just turned up with her bf in tow, when i hadn't seen her in ages. Why did he even want to come?

I enjoy my time away from hubby to have a catch up with the girls sometimes. Inseparable couples annoy me. There is a time and a place to do things together, and sitting at a girls lunch like an absolute lemon is not the one!

Original poster
MeMyMine · 16/11/2015 21:48

whathaveilost that's so frustrating, I'd be annoyed by that too! Are you still as close?

I think my friend sees her and his friends as the same if that makes sense? She does a lot of things with his friends so i assume she feels she has to include him with her things...

OP posts:
quitecrunchy · 16/11/2015 21:48

YANBU!

Original poster
MeMyMine · 16/11/2015 21:50

As I say, they had plans for after in the vicinity but wouldn't you just go by yourself and leave dp to wander round the shops/grab a coffee?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 16/11/2015 21:53

my H would rather poke his eyes out than tag along on this sort of girly catch up

are you sure he isn't possessive/controlling ?

Original poster
MeMyMine · 16/11/2015 21:57

Absolutely 99.9% positive! She invited him! She's absolutely head over heels, if anything she likes it when he comes along.

OP posts:
Original poster
MeMyMine · 16/11/2015 21:58

*she likes it more

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 16/11/2015 22:05

Just because she invited him doesn't mean he isn't controlling her. He could punish her in private...not unknown.

I think it is weird he rocked up at a girly lunch like some kind of 3rd wheel. Who does that, except someone who needs to know what exactly is being talked about ?

Original poster
MeMyMine · 16/11/2015 22:10

AF, I appreciate where you're coming from but my friend is not a wallflower - she speaks her mind and is not shy!! She would not tolerate that. They have just moved in together. He is 100% not controlling.

She actively likes having him there. She mentioned how she got upset with him recently because she was going to visit family one weekend and he didn't automatically volunteer to come; I think she seems them as "one"

OP posts:
Original poster
MeMyMine · 16/11/2015 22:12

She refers to his friends as "our friends"...

OP posts:
ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 16/11/2015 22:12

Yanbu, Iv never once done this HOWEVER I have been on a date night with my DH when he announces his mates coming to get us, more than once. That pisses me off too because we very, very rarely get time alone without the kids or without friends.

AnyFucker · 16/11/2015 22:13

Oh well. All very odd. Perhaps she thinks he might get up to no good when she isn't supervising him then ? Smile

My face would have been like this though Hmm

Original poster
MeMyMine · 16/11/2015 22:14

Totally get how that would be really annoying Exasperated. They spend every moment with each other though so I don't get why she can't make some time for just her friends.

OP posts:
Original poster
MeMyMine · 16/11/2015 22:15

Thanks though AF, you obviously make really valid points - wish you could all have been there to see it - I don't get it!!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 16/11/2015 22:20

other people's relationships are strange

that is the conclusion I have come to anyway Smile

Blarblarblar · 16/11/2015 22:22

Grrrrrrrrr hate this YANBU. My friend does this ALL the time. I arrange stuff for us and she brings daughter or partner or sometimes both. If I've ditched my family why do I want to hang out with yours. I just don't arrange it anymore and she keeps complaining that we hardly see each other anymore Hmm
Your pals all newly loved up, she'll get over it. Grin

scarlets · 16/11/2015 22:26

Weird. You'd think he'd have better things to do. That said, if you've never met him, perhaps your friend saw it as an opportunity to get the two of you together.

Original poster
MeMyMine · 16/11/2015 22:42

Scarlets I've met him a fair few times, that's what makes it odd - it wasn't a getting to know you/bring partners type event. Ahhh I don't know, all v strange Smile

OP posts:
lightupmynight · 16/11/2015 22:48

YANBU at all.

Its common for everyone at work to go out for a drink after work on a Friday. My friends partner texts him the whole time saying hes bored sat in on his own and when is he coming home?

I think everyone needs to live their own life and not be so dependant on one person.

I have my own social life where I socialise with and without my partner.

If it was just a guys thing I'd never dream of just tagging along.

lorelei9 · 17/11/2015 10:45

OP, sorry to say it but if your friend keeps doing the "our" thing, she is unlikely to be a great friend in the long run. Sorry Flowers

Yokohamajojo · 17/11/2015 10:49

YANBU and weird behaviour from your friend. It's just not the same when a partner is present as nice as he/she is! Especially if you haven't seen each others for a while!

Swipe left for the next trending thread