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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about not wanting to open Christmas presents early?

107 replies

blindhorse1 · 15/11/2015 21:42

Hi, We are spending the weekend before Christmas with my husbands family and they want us to open their presents that weekend, so that they and the SILs can see our children open their gifts. We feel strongly that presents are for Christmas Day and we don't open any other presents from anyone else ahead of the big day. We want our kids to wake up on Christmas Day with a complete sense of excitement and wonder at the whole day, all the presents being under the tree being one part of that. That's the whole anticipation of Christmas! Last year we explained to the children why we didn't open them early, and they were fine with that, as the in law gathering was in early Dec, but this year as it is the weekend before, we are already being asked "if we will open them early this year". I feel awkward about it, they seemingly don't respect our views at all and it caused a huge argument last year. Should I just go for the easy option and open some early, or AIBU in my views on this?

OP posts:
MumOfOne14 · 15/11/2015 23:12

YABU

Scholes34 · 15/11/2015 23:14

TheScone - we used to do some of the presents in the bedrooms until we had to have fire doors fitted when we did the loft conversion and we found that the noise of them being opened by Father Christmas was waking people up. He now leaves the presents outside the bedroom doors.

AcrossthePond55 · 15/11/2015 23:22

My children had three Christmases; at my iLs Xmas Eve, Christmas morning at home, and at my parents Christmas afternoon . There was nothing 'ruined' by them opening gifts early (or late). Each occasion had it's separate magic and fun. I agree that 'Santa' presents should be Xmas morning at home (or wherever the kids wake up Xmas morning).

I feel that gifts, when possible, should be opened in front of the giver.

celtictoast · 15/11/2015 23:23

YANBU. The magic of Christmas Day is the build up to the day itself. I agree with you about the anticipation. They should respect your views, whether or not others would agree with you.

EastMidsMummy · 15/11/2015 23:30

Santa isn't real. The in-laws are real. Kids don't care as long as they get their presents (the magic of Christmas continues after they discover the truth about Santa).

Put your in laws' feelings before Santa's.

OurBlanche · 15/11/2015 23:48

Do you also kill fairies with such aplomb, EastMids?

I have to admit, even at 50, those 3 words struck horror in my heart Smile

sykadelic · 16/11/2015 00:20

YANBU. There are always ways around.

  1. Have them Skype in to watch present opening (or family does this as we aren't all be in the same country)
  2. Video it and have the SIL's see their reaction then
  3. Call SIL's when their presents are being opened so they can hear the reaction and get their first "thank you"
  4. Wait until SIL's are available after Christmas and open them then
  5. Open just one present at the family gathering the week before and the rest of the presents go home under the tree

The kids will get the joy of getting presents and then taking them home to put them under the tree. And the excitement of the build up.

Sometimes family can't all get together on Christmas Day. These days with extended family living all over, sometimes traditions need to change. You don't need to compromise on the most important part to you (the joy of the day of Christmas). They want to see your kids reactions then they have options as listed above.

OurBlanche · 16/11/2015 00:32

Father Skypeness and his Super Fast Courier Service - could be a winner Smile

PepperThePrepper · 16/11/2015 00:48

[santa]

Epilepsyhelp · 16/11/2015 00:52

YABU. As a kid I used to love that we had a mini Christmas Day with one side of the family before or after, did not in any way impact on the excitement of Christmas Day, just made it last longer.

steppemum · 16/11/2015 01:08

I think it is sad to prevent the GPs form seeing their GC open presents.

In principle, we save things for the day, birthday and Christmas presents. But if there was a family gathering which was effectively Christmas for that set of GPs, we would open the gifts on that day.

It just gives the kids a second Christmas, which is nice, especially as the excitement of a smaller gift is lost under the general melee of Christmas day.

But we used to live overseas and Christmas present would arrive all through december and january, so our dcs only expected our presents on the day and the rest were lovely surprises when they arrived. It made christmas better actually, less overwhelming when they were little, gave them time to enjoy the things as they arrived.

Aebj · 16/11/2015 02:00

How about skype on Christmas day? That way they can watch the children open their presents and you can be at home

AcrossthePond55 · 16/11/2015 02:18

Epilepsy, my kids loved that 'multiple Christmas', too. My DS2 last year was upset that he would no longer be having a second Christmas at my mother's as she had to go into a care home (dementia).

He was 25. Grin

FixItUpChappie · 16/11/2015 03:09

YABU

It is rude IMO to NOT open a gift in front of the giver.

Why shouldn't they get the small enjoyment of seeing a reaction to their present. I hate even bothering if people aren't going to open the bloody thing when I give it to them.

Senpai · 16/11/2015 03:19

We opened presents when we were there with the people giving them. It gave us a chance to thank them, and it spaced out the presents from Christmas day so we didn't get "gift fatigue" where you're too overwhelmed by all the new things to enjoy unwrapping after a few minutes.

Personally, if my family didn't allow their children to open gifts from me while we were here, I wouldn't get them any. The entire highlight of giving a gift is seeing the receiver's face light up when they open it. You can choose how precious you want to be, but remember your family can choose if they want to give presents on your terms or not.

waterrat · 16/11/2015 08:51

.

Get a grip..let them have their mini Christmas and spread the joy

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 16/11/2015 09:07

Agree with Senpai. It is far better to have 3 or 4 magical days than one "super magical" day where they quickly get exhausted and overwhelmed by all the presents.

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 16/11/2015 09:59

YABU. Totally agree about spreading the excitement. We often see family either side of Christmas Day and the dcs open presents as and when. It has never caused any problems at all.

Plus it will keep them occupied with new toys while you're busy with the last minute Christmas rush

Pohtaytoh · 16/11/2015 10:02

I get where you are coming from but YABU.

You know that old saying 'it's about the giving not the receiving', well this is a prime example. Your inlaws have gone out and carefully and thoughtfully selected gifts for your DC. They get a warm fuzzy feeling from seeing your DC opening their presents. If it was a long time either side of Xmas i'd say YANBU, but it's the weekend before!
Your insistence of only having presents on Xmas Day comes from wanting the same feeling, you should understand where they are coming from. Your DC will still have gifts to open on Xmas day, you will still get to see their happy excited faces. Don't be selfish (harsh, sorry!) and let the aunt in laws have that too.

Also your argument re birthday presents is invalid. They send the presents presumably because they aren't going to see your DC near their birthday. At Christmas they are seeing them, so it's not a stretch for them to ask to see DC open their presents in front of them

chocoholic05 · 16/11/2015 10:08

Yabu. In our house presents are opened Christmas day and boxing day when they see the relevant grandparents.

OurBlanche · 16/11/2015 10:10

That's not unusual, chocoholic. Most people probably do something similar.

But OP is being asked to have a quick Christmas a week early for GPs who will be with them at Christmas proper and 2 aunties who have chosen not to be!

Not the same thing!

ghostyslovesheep · 16/11/2015 10:15

I think the whole 'FC brings everything' line makes for greedy kids

FC brings one medium sized gift and some tat in a sock - which is nice and, more importantly, keeps them occupied at 6am

The rest come from me and the family - so I can temper their expectations of getting 'everything' on the list and they don't feel they have been 'naughty' by not getting what they asked for

works well for us

honeyroar · 16/11/2015 10:48

I too think it's unfair to take other people's gifts and pass them off as FC presents (presumably removing labels) and not allowing the giver tone pleasure of the giver seeing it unwrapped or being thanked. Imagine if you went to a child's birthday with a nice gift and the mother said "I'll take that and pretend it's from me, thanks", well this is practically the same. It's a horrible tradition. No wonder your relatives don't want to play. I expect that they are really upset about it.

As a child I preferred opening presents with the givers so that I could thank them there and then rather than writing a thank you letter!

honeyroar · 16/11/2015 10:50

Sorry, not sure what autocorrect did at the end of that first line, it should read not allowing the giver the pleasure of seeing it being unwrapped or being thanked.

neverputasockinatoaster · 16/11/2015 11:20

I really don't see the issue with a few presents being opened early. As a child I had Christmas in a variety of places and often had gifts early or late.

FC was an amazing bloke and even managed to leave my stocking in a camper van parked in a layby on the A1 as we travelled after Midnight Mass from East Coast of Sctoland to the Midlands.

In our house FC brings the stocking of mini gifts and one bigger present. Everything else is from the person it is from.
I get round the questions about other people getting loads from FC by telling my kids parents can opt for the basic package (as we do) or choose to pay more and upgrade!

I had the same FC experience as my kids but he never came to DH. Neither did the Tooth Fairy!