AIBU about not wanting to open Christmas presents early?

[blindhorse1]

Hi, We are spending the weekend before Christmas with my husbands family and they want us to open their presents that weekend, so that they and the SILs can see our children open their gifts. We feel strongly that presents are for Christmas Day and we don't open any other presents from anyone else ahead of the big day. We want our kids to wake up on Christmas Day with a complete sense of excitement and wonder at the whole day, all the presents being under the tree being one part of that. That's the whole anticipation of Christmas! Last year we explained to the children why we didn't open them early, and they were fine with that, as the in law gathering was in early Dec, but this year as it is the weekend before, we are already being asked "if we will open them early this year". I feel awkward about it, they seemingly don't respect our views at all and it caused a huge argument last year. Should I just go for the easy option and open some early, or AIBU in my views on this?

Well I can see both sides.

If your kids believe in Santa then maybe you could just say he delivered a few presents early to their grandparents house.

TwoTwoOneBrave festive Yodel, please noooooo. The poor kids will get an email saying that their stockings have been filled, they will rush downstairs and be in tears that they are empty. Days will follow trying to get through to the Elves call centre hoping to find out what happened. But it will be ok the neighbour will find them in his wheelie bin because Santa decided it was a safe place.

What will bring the most Christmas joy to the most people?

And who will decide whose preferences will get ignored - is the point I think OP was trying to make?

But, as I said, we are an old fashioned bunch, and we organise ourselves so the kids get the most out of Christmas Eve to Boxing Day. Then we let the poor overloaded little buggers free to go and play with all the boxes whilst the adults pfaff around trying to get the batteries to work.

KingJoffrey I know what you mean. The pressure of a face! I have this when I'm told something sad too and I know that people are waiting for me to look sad. The corners of my mouth twitch up into a huge grin. It's a nervous thing. And I try to suppress it so it looks like I'm trying really hard not to laugh when they told me their cat just died etc. Awkward.

Scrambling back to the point... I think you have the right to say that you prefer your children to only open presents on Christmas Day. I kind of prefer this too. And people should respect it. But I think if they really want to have them open the things there and then I probably wouldn't make a big deal of it. It won't take anything away from the big day.

I don't understand why you think what you do is old fashioned. It's just different to some and the same as others.

Every family does it differently but if you go back 50 years I doubt kids were getting so many presents!! We have great family stories about stockings full of coal. I bet social services would be called if you did that these days!!

Ahh

Well in that case MIL should give them on Christmas Day when she is actually visiting anyway, wierd to want to give them early when she has an audience. If sils are going to give pressies then they should give them the week before, if they are not arround at Christmas.

Plus sorry should have said the kids know who the presents are from and write thank you letters to all. So they are not being greedy, or selfish or anything else that was implied above. They also know that Christmas is the 25th!

And thanks, ForChina, I do think it is about respecting both opinions and that was probably my main point in posting, we'll compromise, I'm sure!

For those who don't tell their children that gifts are from relatives - does that mean that your children don't ring to say thank you, or write a thank you note if they are old enough to do so?

Surely the whole point of Christmas is about family and the joy of giving? Teaching children that they get lots of stuff from a fat man in a red suit, with no thanks, isn't really a very good life lesson!

Our children will open gifts from relatives or friends early, if they are not going to see them over the Christmas period. They will then thank them in person. Items sent through the post get a thank you letter or phone call to show the giver that the children appreciate their thoughtfulness in choosing something for them.

I don't understand why you think what you do is old fashioned Because we have done it for 3 or 4 generations... yet it seems to be at odds with what others, here and other places, say they are doing.

Its all the commercialisation I suppose. As for coal, that still happens these days, in some countries, where tradition has a stronger hold.

And I have fond memories of fruit in stockings, Then again Christmas was the only time we saw a satsuma or (in really special years) a pomegranate

DHs mum even wrapped single pickled onions, but she was usually pissed as a fart!

Mmmm! Maybe it is better these days!

Id go with your traditions, as its your family.
DH family insist all presents from SC... NOooooo Family presents under the tree for chirstmas day. Much to MIL discust! Why shouldnt those people get the credit?

I agree with most - YABU.
It's very reasonable for your relationhs to want to see the dc opening and enjoying the gifts they've given them.
It won't in any way take the sparkle off Christmas day, when presumably there will still be gifts from other people under your tree?

YANBU. Father Christmas is the courier. Sometimes he delivers to the wrong house - usually the grandparents' - and we pick them up and open them at their house when we visit over the Christmas period. It's great to spread out the presents, but the spreading out takes place AFTER Christmas Day. I still love the wonder of coming downstairs on Christmas Day to see all the presents under the tree that weren't there on Christmas Eve and I'm 50.

Our Xmas traditions go back at least 4 generations as well though and are different to yours. So I wouldn't seem them old fashioned - just what your family does!

Yabu. Unless you are one of those who don't put the tree up til late on Christmas Eve.

I'd have no problem opening presents with them. If you can't bring yourself to open their gift to you while you're there for the weekend, at least let the children open theirs. If you continually refuse you might find yourself having to spend Christmas Day with them next year.

And it isn't "early"! For me, Christmas is a season, not a single day. We start with advent calendars on 1 December and anything that arrives in the post is fair game all month. Besides, how do you deal with Christmas cards that contain gifts?

I think it's a really strange thing to claim that all gifts are from FC. Do you rip off tags that say 'to James, love Aunty Lou' then?

My parents just did a stocking from FC and everything else form whoever gave it. My sister does stocking and some 'family gifts' that everyone can play with from FC which I think is a nice compromise.

As others have already told you, YAB hugely U.

Why should you be the only people to see the DCs open any presents at all? Do family not matter to you?

We always go to MILs on Boxing Day, and all presents from DH's side of the family are exchanged then with the ILs present. MIL & SILs love to see the DCs reaction to their gifts. Do you think we should be collecting them the week before and opening them all on the 25th?

This is NOT a new concept!

Some people are incredibly selfish.

Are you really so jaded? How sad!

I'm not jaded in the least.

I just don't think 5 year olds are so think that they will believe that "Father Christmas" brought gifts that have clearly just been given by another relative.

If you want children to believe lies, tell them believable lies.

They surely deserve that much respect.

I am very amused by adult refusing to allow children to open presents they would dearly love to open attempting to claim that they are doing it on behalf of the miserable children.

Christmas can have loads of mystery and wonder without making little kids sad by forcing them to spend one entire day opening loads of presents just so adults can watch them do it.

Sorry another yabu here. I can't imagine having the kids open presents early will detract from their Xmas one bit, but it will give happiness to the in laws. It's a no brainer IMO. Also mean on the kids if there will be others opening on that day but they have to wait.

And with reference to what Father Christmas brings - in our house he brings all of the presents we (DH & I) buy except for one main present which has a tag on saying "from Mummy & Daddy". All of Santa's presents just have a sticky label type tag with the child's name on.

FC doesn't take the credit for anyone else's gifts in this household. He's a polite fellow you know .

Christmas can have loads of mystery and wonder without making little kids sad by forcing them to spend one entire day opening loads of presents just so adults can watch them do it. which is what OPs SILs want to happen, with them being the audience on a day of their choosing.

And I do think that there should be some mystery and magic in every child's life. The best lies are the ones you willingly go along with. Or they have been in our family traditions, even the one about key holes and noses...

Birthday presents - any time and usually with the person who's bought them. Christmas presents - strictly Christmas Day or later if the giver wants to see the present opened.

Christmas presents aren't available until Father Christmas has delivered them.

In DH's family all presents get sent to FC who then delivers them back at Christmas. I did question the logic of my in-laws posting toys to the North Pole just for them to be delivered back to Wales a couple of weeks later.

In my family we do it the normal way. Pillow case of a couple of presents, books, selection pack, gold coins etc. The children still get the excitement of gifts in their bedrooms at silly o'clock and everyone else gets the credit and thanks for gifts given. Children learn good manners from thank you call/cards. Plenty of mystery and magic there for us thanks.

Yanbu if the kids are young.
Yabu if they are older and no longer believe in Father Christmas.

TheScone the wasted airmiles! Every present transported depletes the worlds supply of magic

Maybe they get points back on their Christmas Credit Cards... and that pays for next year's magic.