To be more annoyed at my friends parenting technique then this situation?

[itsthecircleoflife]

Took my 11 year oldngoddaughter out today to our local shopping centre. She needed the toilet- so took her. There was a large lady in there who was washing her hands and then applying some makeup etc.

Goddaughter was asking me why her legs were so fat, and made some pretty nasty comments I wont go into- but I was appaled by it and a bit shocked to say the least at the womans reaction.. She turned around and said "shut your mouth you litte c**t"

Now, im not condoning what the woman said. Not at all- 100% not. But some of the vile, derogatory comments that came from a 11 year old was atrocious. Im larger myself and very self conscience with it- I dont condone bullying in any form and it is what it is- regardless of the fact we are talking of an 11 year old and a woman who looked to be my age (late 20s)

I just think its very sad that this girl has been brought up to be as vacous as her mother is. They are a "nice" family in some ways, but I find this heartbreaking. Most people who are "larger" are treated with some distaste in that they will make snide comments about people they see etc.

I took her away from the situation straight away- and told her under no circumstances was she to speak like that in front of me again, and that what the lady said wasnt to be repeated.

As I said im gobsmacked about the reaction- but theres a tarnish to it

AIBU?

I have heard 11 year olds say much worse. You should have made her apologise. End of shopping trip as well.

Why are you friends with these people?

How did you end up as godmother to this woman's child? You obviously don't like your (close?) friend much and with good reason

Shocking behaviour from an 11yo. My 7yo understands how unacceptable such comments would be. Tbh I think the victim was quite justified calling the child a cunt. There is absolutely no way that child is unaware that her comments about size were atrociously rude.

I just think its very sad that this girl has been brought up to be as vacous as her mother is.

I am just stunned that you are GodMother to someone who has a parent you clearly despise. How did that come about?

I hope the woman's reaction shocked your gd. If her Mother isn't bothered maybe the harshest possible verbal reaction taught her something she needed to know about manners.
Maybe the lady saved you gd from a smack in the mouth one day, she won't always be a child.

I'm sorry but I'm not getting why the mum is to blame? Is there a Dad? Or is he the picture or perfection as opposed to this vacuous mother?

I don't blame the woman at all. The child sounds vile and may well be a product of her upbringing but certainly knows what is appropriate at that age. The fact that she continued to make disgusting comments after being pulled up on it says it all.

What did you say to her parents?

She shouldn't have called the girl a cunt.

Although let's face it

The girl was being a cunt.

You told her 'it's not polite' though. Really? That'll learn her

You told her 'that's not polite' seriously, how pathetic. She was being a cunt and deserved to be called it. Any child of mine speaking in such a horrid way to anyone would get a lot more of a dressing down than you gave.
An 11 year old is more than capable of keeping her gob shut and her nasty opinions to herself. ( speaking as the mother of a similar aged child)
I imagine she's been called a cunt before if she doesn't filter her brain to her mouth.

What does NT mean?

Unusual behaviour from a nt 11 year old. The phrasing is odd for a child of that age.

You've spelt out what the woman said, so I think you should do the same re your goddaughter.

Probably you should have stepped in more strongly and nipped it in the bud. 11 years should know better.

Thanks for explanation.

I don't blame the woman for her reaction when some nasty person is making personal comment about her body. I think it was a disgusting thing that the child did and I would have ended it immediately and ended the shopping trip.

'Took her away from the situation'?

She'd have been taken home faster than her feet could carry her if she'd been with me.

And I wouldn't be in a hurry to take her out again.

This is how it went:

entered the toilets and stood waiting for cubicle to come free

GDD: Look at her legs F, why are they so fat?
Me: You shouldnt say things like that, its impolite. stern look
GDD: But look at her! Shes like a hippo bursting out of her leggings and they are see through!
Woman: throws evil glare "Shut your mouth you little cunt"
Me: agog face
GDD: perplexed agog face

Then I took her out, sternly told her it wasnt to happen again and that she wasnt to repeat what she said. It was stern enough to get the "your abusing your child" look off passing fuddy duddys. Not my place to do much more IMO.

I'm really shocked a girl of that age didn't have the awareness not to say something like that. She's the same age as my daughter and whilst, yes, I do need to sometimes remind her not to stare. She'd never come out with something like that. I'm really, really disgusted with the woman's comments to a child too though.

I never meet these people. I have never met an 11yo who would speak to a stranger like that or an adult who would do anything more than complain that she wasn't "nice" and leave in embarrasment

This sounds atrocious. I can imagine being so taken aback initially that I would have given a fairly woolly telling off in the hope it would move things along so I do 't think op can be blamed really. This is not her child.

Also, people change and it is possible that the person op was friends with when she became godmother has changed and become unkind. So I don't find it that unusual that op is friends with someone she may not actually like that much anymore.

The sad thing for me is the apparent non-response of the parents to the girl's appalling behaviour

i dont get why an 11 year old would ask 'why' is she fat. if she had called her fat then that would make sense. ie she was being rude and nasty... but why ask it as a question.