mum getting married - aibu

[scarredforlife]

My mum had an affair, with a guy who was also married. I was 15 when she left my dad, it has left unimaginable scars.
10 years on she is marrying the man next years

I have never spoken to this guy, never met him and frankly I never want to. He ruined my mum and dads marriage.
I don't want to go but she thinks I'm being stupid.

The sad thing is, EVERYONE knew before me! She told my girlfriend before me! So that my girlfriend could do her dirty work!

All the "she should"s in the world aren't going to fundamentally change the OP's DM. She sounds selfish and dismissive. She will probably always be that way. Waiting and wanting won't solve the OP's issues. Counselling, maybe going no contact, possibly getting some mediation or family counselling might.

I don't think focusing on solutions is letting the DM off the hook. She's acted appallingly (and I'm not talking about the affair).

than*

Oh, and some of the worst marriages I have ever come across are ones where people don't argue. Never a cross word spoken in two of the most toxic and unpleasant marriages I've witnessed. Both of which ended in divorce.

OP. I feel your hurt.

We can only deal with the cards we are given.

Flip it and be this to be the best parent you can be.

Eventually forgive her due to her giving birth to you. Watch your children grow into happy stable individuals that you are with every step of the way.

It isnt your fault that the person who sired you is selfish.

use this*.... im so emotionally involved here that my words are tripping over theirselves.

My parents were both adulterous too. Both self centered crap heads
I had psychotherapy. It hasn't cured me, but it helped.

You've been a young carer too. I think you need more emotional support off a third party.

In the meantime, don't go to the wedding, it's fine not to

What has the father done wrong Pinot? He is not the selfish one.

have I entered the "twilight zone" here?

I didn't say the father had done anything wrong sadmother?

I think the word 'sired' may be at fault here.

And 'lethal' was on another thread. I think we need a MN thesaurus.

apologies for that my mistake.

im sure that there was no need to nitpick though on such a heartfelt thread.

She isn't the first and won't be the last to have an affair. My dad had multiple affairs throughout my life before finally leaving but you know what? I got over it. It has nothing to do with the relationship between myself and my dad. I don't let it affect my life in the slightest.
I can't help but feel that she is shunned more because she is a woman also. It seems to be more accepted that men have affairs.
I think you need to stop playing the victim to be honest and get over it.

Did your Dad then refuse to speak to you Bodicea?
Does your Dad now refuse to see your children?

The affair is a red herring, the DM's behaviour is deeply unpleasant regardless.

It sounded like a genuine misunderstanding to me pinot. I see this thread has brought stuff up for you so

step away from the thread and calm down a bit pinot..

People pointing out slights on such a thread is not a genuine mistake and stick your flowers where the sun doesnt shine, you are just as bad to support the poster who did this.

Have you had this done to you MySordid. Do you know how it feels? Im calm but I don't think you are very appropriate.

OP, im sorry this is being derailed.

It seems to be the same people time and time again that do this

Well how rude you kicking off at everyone isn't going to help op is it.

I wasn't being a bitch Pinot, I thought I had missed something. Your post to me was very harsh

No but my mum died when i was 12 and i was a young carer for a devastated DF so i can empathise a little. let's just get back to the thread whilst being calm and respectful of everyone's opinions.

OP, I'd get this moved to relationships if I were you. AIBU is not the place for such a sensitive thread.

Please feel free to PM me anytime you wish.