Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To never allow another sleep over

91 replies

OnTheEdgeToday · 15/11/2015 09:33

I dont do sleepovers, but he had begged to sleep at his friends house and so i let his friend sleep lastnight.
I woke up at 8am from someone going up and down the stairs. I get up and my son was not letting his friend in his room.
They had been practicing wrestling moves on each other and my son got hurt and so took to his bedroom in a huff.
He had put his bed infront of his door and was refusing to give his friends clothes.
I eventually got his friends clothes but my son was still refusing to come out. I set friend up with the tv downstairs and offered breakfast and stuff.

Now my son has fallen asleep and friend is playing on my computer.
He did call his mum, but has decided to stay for a bit in the hope my son is in a better mood when he wakes up.
I knew a sleepover was a bad idea.
Friend said they didnt sleep at all lastnight, so that is probably why my son is so moody this morning

OP posts:
Original poster
OnTheEdgeToday · 15/11/2015 16:18

Thank you for all of your comments.

I have never had sleepovers due to my son. His behaviour can be erratic, especially with changes to routine and just changes in general. There was a referral sent in to camhs ages ago. They have only recently made contact to make an apppointment.

I have now heard my sons side and he said his friend got nasty and kicked him down and then proceeded to stamp all over his legs.

I have told him off regardless and taking away privilages for appaling behaviour...including wifi which is why i havent been on (not much mobile data).

When my son gets into this frame of mind, he no longer sees rationally and all that happens is escalation - which is why i left it first off.

OP posts:
laffymeal · 15/11/2015 16:23

Thanks for update op. I really hope cahms can help you both. Are you aware of any special educational needs your ds might have that aren't currently being addressed?

Original poster
OnTheEdgeToday · 15/11/2015 16:32

I have spoken to the school about adhd, as it clear there is something. His teacher said she can see why i would ask that and his behaviour does have means to be tested for it. The behavioural teacher at the school said he displays a lot of it, but in her professional opinion she wouldnt say it was adhd.
I also question SPD as there is a family member who displays very similar behaviour.
I have tried to put things in place that i know has been used with this other child, and i have seen improvement ..
Simple things as wording things differently, you know. Nothing major as it may be nothing of the sort

OP posts:
Original poster
OnTheEdgeToday · 15/11/2015 16:33

Thank you laffymeal

OP posts:
goodnightdarthvader1 · 15/11/2015 17:00

Dripfeed alert.

MammaTJ · 15/11/2015 17:09

I consider that pertinent information that it would have helped to know in the OP!

So, yeah, a drip feed!

No wonder people with DC with ADHD get accused of using it as an excuse for their behaviour.

That is just what the OP has done, rather than setting it out at the start.

Original poster
OnTheEdgeToday · 15/11/2015 17:15

Dripfeed how? I was ranting this morning about what was happening! I never expected a whole load of people to comment. I was literally expecting at least two people at most to respond.
If i was to start listing off possibilities of what i thought my son had, then im sure id be shot down for that, too!

OP posts:
Original poster
OnTheEdgeToday · 15/11/2015 17:17

What even is a dripfeed?Hmm

OP posts:
TheCarpenter · 15/11/2015 17:22

Yeah, when you said his behaviour was probably down to tiredness everyone's assumed it was down to tiredness. Not that there's a pattern of behaviour which is being looked into.

Good luck with camhs.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 15/11/2015 17:22

Dripfeed is when you leave extremely relevant information out of your OP. Eg, type child may have SN and isn't just a brat, guest child was apparently really violent, etc.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 15/11/2015 17:22

Your child *

Chippednailvarnish · 15/11/2015 17:25

A drip feed is when a poster paints a scenario, lets lots of people waste their time commenting and then returns to the thread with an update that completely changes how the original post would have been read.

But you know that OP, don't you.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 15/11/2015 17:26

I am always skeptical of dripfeeds on threads where the OP had gotten a unanimous roasting. I feel that some people want to be right at any cost...

Original poster
OnTheEdgeToday · 15/11/2015 17:32

I get what you are saying about dripfeeds, and no i wasnt aware of them.
I dont see how a dripfeed would change anything in my original post?
My sons behaviour was appaling, regardless of anything. Yes im aware that there may be issues underlying, but that doesnt change his behaviour still being inappropriate. So it doesnt really matter if i have done dripfeeding or not, as that is irrelevant.
As for the other child being aggressive, i wasnt aware of that until not long before i actually posted it when my son told me.

OP posts:
AnnaMarlowe · 15/11/2015 17:34

OntheEdge the difference is people would have been gentler in their responses to you had they know that your DS has ongoing underlying behavioural issues rather than just being a pre-teen in a strop.

diddl · 15/11/2015 17:35

The thing is that from what you put in the "dripfeed", it sounds as if you should have either not allowed the sleepover or supervised more closely for your son's sake.

Original poster
OnTheEdgeToday · 15/11/2015 17:36

Perhaps people should just be gentle regardless as they dont really know exactly what is going on, no matter how much information is given.

OP posts:
Chippednailvarnish · 15/11/2015 17:37

Then why bother posting?
Pointless.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 15/11/2015 17:39

You asked for advice based on limited information. I hate when people get sanctimonious when posting for opinions.

BrendaFlange · 15/11/2015 17:40

OP, I think one serious mistake was having a sleepover the night after the first one. Way too much of s good thing, compounded tiredness, the two of them getting cabin fever together, both tired.

Don't write off sleep overs for ever, just police them (no wrestling, sleep at a certain time etc) and prepare your son by talking through what he can do if he feels upset at any point.

MummyMeister, behave yourself. Really tired old stereotype that only children behave in a certain way. Certainly isn't true in our circle of friends where it is the fighting between siblings that causes the most grief, whining and grabby behaviour. LOL.

Original poster
OnTheEdgeToday · 15/11/2015 17:40

As i said ...a rant. It may be pointless to you, but it wasnt for me. You didnt need to read. I appreciate all of the comments, no matter how harsh some may have been.

OP posts:
goodnightdarthvader1 · 15/11/2015 17:42

"you didn't need to read" FGS.

Original poster
OnTheEdgeToday · 15/11/2015 17:46

Well darthvadar, im being told my post was pointless. Given the impression that i shouldnt have posted.

I didnt post for any kind of advice, but im appreciative of ALL that was given.
Still, im being given negativity. For not posting to some set of standards that are expected to be known by all. Sorry for not being informed of this when joining Hmm

Brenda, i think you are right. It probably has been too much.

OP posts:
seasidesally · 15/11/2015 17:57

op have a Brew and breath

many people over the course of their dc's early years have had not so great sleep-overs for a variety of reasons.Not everybody handles it perfectly at the time (well in the real world anyway)

hope you get things sorted

vgiraffe · 15/11/2015 18:03

I am new to mumsnet so excuse me if I don't understand the protocol... but I was under the impression that the forum is somewhere that people can go for advice, not to be torn to shreds. Even without the extra info, it was all feeling rather harsh and judgemental, when OP has clearly had a tough time of things. Suggesting that OP looks at DS behaviour rather than the sleepover itself can be done in a way that doesn't make her feel like the worst parent in the world. Of course I'm sure all your children are angels.