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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To never allow another sleep over

91 replies

OnTheEdgeToday · 15/11/2015 09:33

I dont do sleepovers, but he had begged to sleep at his friends house and so i let his friend sleep lastnight.
I woke up at 8am from someone going up and down the stairs. I get up and my son was not letting his friend in his room.
They had been practicing wrestling moves on each other and my son got hurt and so took to his bedroom in a huff.
He had put his bed infront of his door and was refusing to give his friends clothes.
I eventually got his friends clothes but my son was still refusing to come out. I set friend up with the tv downstairs and offered breakfast and stuff.

Now my son has fallen asleep and friend is playing on my computer.
He did call his mum, but has decided to stay for a bit in the hope my son is in a better mood when he wakes up.
I knew a sleepover was a bad idea.
Friend said they didnt sleep at all lastnight, so that is probably why my son is so moody this morning

OP posts:
eddiemairswife · 15/11/2015 12:45

I'm surprised you didn't hear two 11 year olds wrestling downstairs in the night.

whois · 15/11/2015 12:49

Is there about to be a huge drop feed?

At the moment your son sounds like an absolute little shit. I can't believe you left your son up there whilst you say with his friend rather than tell your son in no uncertain terms to get his act together and behave nicely.

diddl · 15/11/2015 13:05

"so can see why you'd stop your DS having anymore for a while."

Yup, he absolutely doesn't deserve them!

BonitaFangita · 15/11/2015 13:10

I do think you need to have a serious word with your son this isn't the way friends behave to each other at that age. Having a friend sleep over does sometimes take them out of their comfort zone and they won't have their usual bedtime routine that's the point of a sleepover.
TBH OP, I agree with AnnaMarlowe. Once this gets out I don't think you'll have to worry about any more sleep overs.

MammaTJ · 15/11/2015 13:14

No, you should not allow any more sleepovers, not because of your son but because you have no clue how to deal with hims appropriately. You should wake him up, give him a sound telling off and make him say sorry to his friend.

I know he is your precious little snowflake and he has been hurt, but they were both play fighting and he should know by 11 that sometimes when you do that someone gets hurt! And quite often, it might be him. He needs to grow up and be told.

Do not inflict him on another poor unsuspecting child until he has!

starlight2007 · 15/11/2015 13:14

My Ds (8) has a falling out with his friend when he came to play the other day ( not a sleepover) He stomped off up stairs...He was given 2 minutes to calm down then told to go and appologise to his Friend.. We talked about what he could of done differently after his friend went however due to my intervention it was a 2 minute strop not one which sounds like it has gone on for a long time.

I do have sleepovers but would not go to sleep with 2 eleven year olds awake...

No I wouldn't be rushing to have a sleepover in your situation but would be addressing your DS behaviour

NerrSnerr · 15/11/2015 13:16

He shouldn't have been allowed to stay in his room, it is not how you treat a guest. Your son needs to call his friend this afternoon and apologise.

DoingTheBestICan · 15/11/2015 13:20

mummymeister
Blimy your 11 year old is being a bit precious! I thought you were talking about a 6 year old. hammer on his bloody door, make him get up, apologies and not be so rude to guests. is he an only child?

Can I just ask what has being an only child got to do with this kind of behaviour?

Nonono · 15/11/2015 13:20

Children stop playing/including children in their games/plans when they can't handle such situations better. Time to talk it through and not let it get to that stage again.

Grilledaubergines · 15/11/2015 13:26

I think you need to have more sleepovers actually. How will your son learn (and without trying to be a bitch to you) how will you learn, how to behave towards a guest/deal with a situation which kicks off. This situation could so easily have been prevented with handling it differently. By allowing your son to isolate himself, he has avoided apologising, and left his friend alone in someone else's home. What to you think your guest's parents wil think of what's happened?

lightupmynight · 15/11/2015 13:40

He had put his bed infront of his door and was refusing to give his friends clothes.
I eventually got his friends clothes but my son was still refusing to come out

at which point he has taken himself away from the situation to cool off...and fall asleep!

Confused those are quite different versions of events.

The friend however sounds lovely, actually wanting to hang around to see if your sons mood improved, rather than going home asap.

bloodyteenagers · 15/11/2015 13:55

I would be mortified if that was my child.
I would be hoping that the friend didn't mention it to others, because that could open up a huge can of worms.

There's removing yourself from a situation. And then there's being nasty about it.

claraschu · 15/11/2015 13:56

Your son needs lots more practice at being a host, including for sleepovers.

I think it is good to have lots of sleepovers, so they are not such a big deal: if you do this, kids learn to go to sleep at a reasonable time and to treat each other well. All 3 of our children had many sleepovers at our house from an early age- lots of fun and no problems.

DragonRojo · 15/11/2015 14:07

Good luck with handling your son when he is 15! You're clearly allowing him to behave appallingly and you are finding excuses for him. It would not surprise me if he was completely friendless within a couple of years unless he manages to change his behaviour

Chippednailvarnish · 15/11/2015 14:11

Good luck with handling your son when he is 15! You're clearly allowing him to behave appallingly and you are finding excuses for him

Yep. If my 8 year old DS did this there would be hell to pay. waits for the OP to make more excuses

TurnOffTheTv · 15/11/2015 14:14

I doubt OP will be back!

TheCarpenter · 15/11/2015 14:20

I doubt OP will be back!

She's probably gone to her bedroom with the bed across the door.

SecretWitch · 15/11/2015 14:26

I generally let my children sort things out themselves but in this instance I would have stepped in. My child would have been made to get out of bed double quick and apologise. You are the parent, if your child was unable to manage the situation, you should have guided him through it.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 15/11/2015 14:39

She's probably gone to her bedroom with the bed across the door.
This made me Grin

I don't think this has anything to do with being an only child. One of DS' friends sometimes barricades his room they are much younger than OPs DC He isn't an only child.

lightupmynight · 15/11/2015 14:46

hammer on his bloody door, make him get up, apologies and not be so rude to guests. is he an only child?

I think thats quite a nasty comment.

I have a friend who would love a second child but can't due to medical reasons. She feels guilt every single day that her child will be an only child because of comments like yours.

Think before you speak/type.

Talkmeoutofthis222 · 15/11/2015 14:47

Reverse?

Waltermittythesequel · 15/11/2015 14:48

If my ds was treated this way on a sleepover by his 'friend' he'd never darken the door again so I wouldn't worry about more sleepovers.

Although, your son acting like a precious brat means he doesn't deserve them anyway!

You're doing him no favours raising him this way.

Chippednailvarnish · 15/11/2015 14:48

She's probably gone to her bedroom with the bed across the door

I wonder if she's holding anyone's clothes hostage!

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 15/11/2015 14:55

Your child's behaviour is going to be all round the school by 9.30 tomorrow morning.

Of one thing you can be certain: there is absolutely no danger of him being invited for a sleep-over again, and no likelihood of any child wanting to sleep over at yours. Result!

Now, how you deal with his appalling rudeness to a guest in your home is what you need to concentrate on or he'll have no friends left to be rude to.

wheresthebeach · 15/11/2015 15:00

He blocked the door with his bed and kept his friends clothes?

Wow. All hell would break loose in our house if that happened.