To expect that my home is not considered to be a hotel.....

[mammasmadhouse]

I have a 20 year old DD, who is at Uni, but lives at home, she works weekends during the day. We are not a high earning family but do not expect DD1 to contribute financially in anyway (and despite spending her way through £10k last year).
My main beef is that my home just feels like a hotel, where I am expected to wash, clean and feed DD. She does very little around the house, for example this week I hadn't had chance to wash her work clothes, so got a text last night asking to make sure her stuff is dry for work today, this was after she had gone back to BF's house as they had popped in with her car for her dad to look at... She has a long-term boyfriend and they don't go out a great deal but 2 nights a week he comes to ours for tea. The pair of them walk through the door and sit down and wait to be fed, then they sit in front of the TV for the rest of the night. (Saturday night is the only night, myself and hubbie (who works nights) have where we are not preparing stuff for the next day) but this is one of the nights we spend wedged on the settee with DD1 and her BF.Three nights a week they go to his house and do pretty much the same, on the nights where my DD is here she is in her room working through her Uni work so that she can go to BF's the next day, her younger sister barely gets to see her let alone spend any time with her. If I ask her to help more with cleaning or don't do her ironing for example I get the cold shoulder and it gets very atmospheric, sometimes there is barely any conversation. Am I really being unreasonable....

To all the posters with immensely capable DC, who've asked why op's DD doesn't know all these jobs need doing: neither did I. I grew up in another country and we had a maid who did everything. Uni was a bloody shock, I can tell you! But I learned, and tried stuff, and now I know how to use a washing machine and cook pasta (not joking) and everything.

op, I'd get her involved with household jobs - stop doing it all yourself because that's how it has always worked. You will actually be doing her a favour.

Just saying make her do it isn't necessarily the answer because the OP has to learn to ignore or deal with the ensuing brooding silences or whatever huffy stance the DD takes when told to do something. Some people prefer to put up with bad behaviour, if the DD is leaving home soon then that is what the OP might choose as the easiest, for the OP, option.

That sort of behaviour is completely alien to me, at 20 I was living in my own place, had a job, was at uni and carrying my ds. Completely independent.

I would be tougher on your dd, have a chat with her and tell her that this is what you expect or that she is more than welcome to find somewhere else to live.

My adult daughter has returned to live with us after several years in her own place. She works very long hours in London (long commute). She does her own laundry, but if I see she has a fair bit I will chuck it in for her, which she is grateful for. She buys her own salad stuff/veg, etc as she is a very healthy eater. If I'm cooking something I know she likes I will text her and ask if she wants a portion saved. If not she sorts her own dinner when she gets home from work. Friday night she treated all the family to an Indian and Saturday lunch she cooked a main meal for all of s (she bought the ingredients first). She will also load the dishwasher if it needs it, have a vacuum round, walk the dog f he's a bit barky. It's give and take. We don't have any set rules, but she does jobs and pulls her weight around the house like the adult she is.

Just saying make her do it isn't necessarily the answer because the OP has to learn to ignore or deal with the ensuing brooding silences or whatever huffy stance the DD takes when told to do something.

I wouldn't be in the least bothered if my child went into a brooding silence or a huff because I refused to do her washing for her. Life is too short to worry about sulking adults.

She is behaving this way because you let her! Time to spell out some ground rules, she is an adult and needs to act like one.