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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think gender colour coded lucky dip is unacceptable?

227 replies

asharah · 11/11/2015 15:14

Helping out with the PTA I discovered kids were being asked to bring in lucky dip prizes, wrapped pink for girls and blue for boys. I was really shocked. Surely our kids should be encouraged not to discriminate and play with all toys? When I shared my concern that this reinforced unhelpful gender stereotypes some parents came back saying they didn't want boys to be upset or teased for receiving pink fluffy toys, or vice versa? I've never come across gender separated lucky dip before, and encountered hundreds. Is it normal?

OP posts:
sykadelic · 13/11/2015 02:38

Yes it's perfectly normal. I saw it all the time when I encountered fairs and it really isn't a big deal.

Pink and blue are just colours. They only have gender meaning if you apply that meaning, if you teach your kids they have that meaning, or if you don't teach your kids that all toys are toys and gender isn't a factor and to ignore "girls" or "boys" toys.

Contrary to what you seem to want to believe, there are some people who prefer "girls" toys or "boys" toys and would like to see that distinction (as shown by this thread) so they are better able to select.

tobysmum77 · 13/11/2015 07:58

I think present it as 'blue' prizes and 'pink' prizes. Dd would go for blue perhaps some boys would choose pink, everyone is happy.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 13/11/2015 11:21

As a parent, I didn't teach my children that pink was for girls and blue was for boys (including all related toys). But if this difference is being taught in schools, Sykadelic it is wrong, and of course it is a social movement. Children spend a lot of time in school, and at school events. A school event is not an isolated incident, it can happen around six times a year. School fairs, fund-raisers, etc.

Gender-neutral encouragement is not making a political statement. It is making a gender-neutral statement that boys can play with dolls and sparkly wands and girls can play with train sets and dinosaurs. If they want to.

Lucky Dip is just that - a Lucky Dip. This colour-coded nonsense is simply buying into and reinforcing the notion that it is not okay for boys to play with girls' toys or girls to play with boys' toys. We are living in the 21st Century, for crying out loud - not the 18th.

I am finding some of the views on here depressing.

G1veMeStrength · 13/11/2015 11:25

It is rubbish. We had had this 'make a cracker and label it with boy or girl' and sent back a green cracker labelled TOY SUITABLE FOR ANY CHILD.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 13/11/2015 11:31

Good for you, G1veMeStrength
This is what more people should do. Thankfully, I never encountered this dilemma when my DC were in school. I would have had something to say about it otherwise, and would have done the same as you.

I can't help feeling from some of the posts that we appear to be taking a step backwards on this subject.

totalrecall1 · 13/11/2015 11:36

YABU - our school does this (seperate tombollas) and it works just fine

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 13/11/2015 12:07

I have no doubt 'it works just fine', but is it acceptable? Hmm

If a girl specifically wants a pink fluffy purse or sparkly pencil case or a boy wants a dinosaur or car, then they can go and choose their own in any toy shop, and not take part in the Lucky Dip.

Some people appear to be completely missing the point of the LUCKY DIP.

If you only get what you want out of the exciting sawdust-filled barrel, then it is no longer a Lucky Dip. It is a manually engineered event, according to how adults view what children should be permitted to play with.

INickedAName · 13/11/2015 12:21

As a parent, I didn't teach my children that pink was for girls and blue was for boys (including all related toys). But if this difference is being taught in schools, Sykadelic it is wrong, and of course it is a social movement. Children spend a lot of time in school, and at school events. A school event is not an isolated incident, it can happen around six times a year. School fairs, fund-raisers, etc.

Also, I've read lots of times that education is key to changing some of society's attitudes on lots of things, diet, drugs, consent, emotional well being, etc, is it really unreasonable to expect the educational settings that play a part in shaping our children to not promote gender stereotypes?

A car being aimed at a boy might seem harmless, there's absolutely nothing wrong with boys liking cars etc, and there's nothing wrong with girls liking dolls etc, it's the assumption that because they are male or female then they will or should like these things.

I dunno, I think accepting/promoting the smaller stereotyping allows the bigger more harmful stereotyping, like men thinking they should be strong and protectors, then finding it hard to talk about feelings. I was shocked to read that the biggest cause of death in men under 40 (I think it was 40) was suicide, and that families often had no idea they were struggling until it's too late. I could be speaking shit, but I wonder how much societies expectations of girls/boys and then women/men contribute to these numbers. It's not something I've read a lot on yet but plan to.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 13/11/2015 12:31

INicked precisely - good post!
Some families actively promote gender-stereotyping, so it is up to the education specialists to provide a more balanced view.

And I think you're right there with regard to boys being told to 'man up' and not cry. How many times do you hear a Dad saying to a son 'Don't be such a cissy'. The suicide rate among boys and men is alarming, and I agree that some social attitudes must surely contribute to this.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 13/11/2015 19:08

Schools can not change the attitude of advertisers and toy shops. Ot can not make gender nutural boxes for toys, it can not give parents the choice of Micky Mouse PJs for Girls, or Elsa tops for boys. It can not alter parents view who want sparkly girls and tough boys.
School does not hold all the cards or all the answers.

EduCated · 13/11/2015 19:11

IT doesn't hold all the cards, but school certainly shouldn't contribute or exacerbate.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 13/11/2015 20:01

Schools can not change the attitude of advertisers and toy shops. Ot can not make gender nutural boxes for toys

Erm - yes they can, actually make gender neutral boxes for toys at school fairs/fetes. And they can certainly help to change the attitude of toy manufacturers, advertisers and toy shops.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 13/11/2015 20:13

And as EduCated says: they most certainly should not contribute to the problem. Which by providing gender-coloured Lucky Dips, they most certainly are doing.

I am failing to understand why this is to difficult to comprehend Confused

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 13/11/2015 20:14

so difficult

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 13/11/2015 20:27

The actual boxes NOT the wrapping paper!!!!

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 13/11/2015 20:44

The actual boxes NOT the wrapping paper!!!!

Okay, sorry - you've lost me there. What do you mean please?

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 13/11/2015 20:47

Have you seen a box of loom bands with a boy on? Have you seen a push chair aimed at boys? Toy box advertising!

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 13/11/2015 20:52

Well, isn't this just the point? We haven't seen a pushchair aimed at boys. And why not? Boys will be Dads one day. And they will be presumably pushing a pushchair carrying their own baby. It is up to us to change the manufacturers' attitude.

(And I have seen boys playing with 'Loom bands', even though they're not directly marketed at boys). Which is wrong, as clearly some boys like to play with them. As some boys like to play with dolls and prams (as my own DS did).

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 13/11/2015 20:58

Thats what i said. Not school, advertising.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 13/11/2015 21:06

I think you're getting confused Sally.
You said at first
Schools can not change the attitude of advertisers and toy shops. Ot can not make gender nutural boxes for toys, it can not give parents the choice of Micky Mouse PJs for Girls, or Elsa tops for boys. It can not alter parents view who want sparkly girls and tough boys.
School does not hold all the cards or all the answers.

What I am saying is that actually, schools can help towards this. Rather than exacerbating the problem. Schools need to help to provide a more balanced view towards gender-stereotyping, to counter the views of some parents and advertisers/manufacturers, who insist upon inflicting their silly views upon children and parents who know no better. By insisting upon colour-coded Lucky Dips, they are adding to the problem.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 13/11/2015 21:11

What im saying is the damage is done prior to the child stepping foot in school. It is not schools job to undo those issues. They teach all children all activities, boys can dress up as princesses, girls can go-cart play with lego, science football forest school is open to all children,
You need to challenge this before they get there.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 13/11/2015 21:16

I think it is the schools' job to help to undo those issues, actually. Not all parents give the right message in the first place. But if schools reinforce the wrong message with pink toys and blue toys, they are, of course, reinforcing the message. No-one is suggesting they can fix it all, but they should not be reinforcing the wrong messages.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 13/11/2015 21:23

No the PTA are not school...

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 13/11/2015 21:29

I was on the PTA - they are representatives of the school. They have to act within guidelines and I would say they have a moral obligation to help reinforce the RIGHT messages.

I don't mean to be rude, but I'm getting a bit bored with this head/wall conversation now. I've been up since 4:30am, am going to bed. Sorry.

arethereanyleftatall · 13/11/2015 21:32

Havent rtft because I am simultaneously mning and... Preparing the lucky dip for my dds 5th bday party tomo. Honestly! Or should I say 2 lucky dips, one for boys and one fir girls.
The reason I'm doing this is because I know all the boys coming like dinosaurs and none of the girls do, and all the girls like princesses and none of the boys do. The lucky dips are along those respective themes. I don't know why the girls like princesses and boys like dinosaurs, but I know that they do.
It's a party, I want the kids to be happy, shoot me now.