DDs teacher doesn't believe in her SN

[hotlinesling]

DD is 4. She's under assessment for ASC and has a review next month. She has a host of sensory processing issues, speech delay and complex needs regarding eating, sleeping and routines. She attends a local authority nursery school (only just 4) so has a proper teacher. I met with her teacher before she started, explaining her needs and making clear the suspected diagnosis. DDs paediatrician gave me the CAST questionnaire to complete and one for her teacher, too. Her teacher has not answered the questions, she's simply written: 'hotlineslings dd presents as a normal 4 year old.'

DD doesn't play with any other children at nursery. She doesn't talk to anyone. She won't use the toilet, have a snack or drink. She won't play outside. She will do as she's asked by teachers to avoid confrontation. She is anxious and scratches herself until she bleeds. She is withdrawn after nursery and isn't enjoying it at all. I feel like I'm doing the wrong thing by sending her if her teacher isn't supportive and DD isn't happy. I want to approach this with her teacher this week but am unsure how. Aibu to be annoyed that her teacher refused to complete the questionnaire properly?

Firstly you don't have to send her to nursery. There's no legal obligation. In experience you can rarely get a teacher to see even with a diagnosis if they don't want to.

Have you tried talking to the senco at the nursery?

I would be tempted to look for a different setting for her who can meet her needs.

If this is nursery then what qualifications does this person have in special needs?
Is there a nursery manager?

That doesn't sound good.

I agree with talking to the senco, about putting a plan in place

But....I don't know if I would be happy sending my child to a nursery that is difficult to work with on something so important.

TBH whatever the teacher says, the fact that she didn't fill in the questionnaire tells you most of what you need to know IMO. 'Presenting as a normal 4 year old' is the overall conclusion which needs to be based on evidence. If she's not willing or able to provide the evidence, there's no reason to be able to draw that conclusion.

Can you pull your dd out? (I mean work/childcare wise). If so, I would certainly think about doing so.

She's a qualified teacher, 20+ years experience. Before dd started I met with the head teacher who said dd would be given extra support. This hasn't materialised which I can only think is because dd keeps her head down to avoid any interaction. The speech therapist observed her as being isolated at nursery and suggested small group work. This hasn't happened. As far as I'm aware dd hasn't seen the SENCO since starting nursery in September, despite her behaviour being concerning enough that she's seeing the paediatrician just two months after her first appointment, the SALT having reported no interaction whatsoever and having recently begun yo receive DLA.

With a report like that it will mean that a professional may hinder the diagnosis.

It's often children who are not shy my nature but have SN are misdiagnosed.

Have you seen other HCP.

When going through the process of getting ds Dx HCP had higher influence in the evidence to make the diagnosis.

What is this teacher playing at.

She thinks I'm an over anxious parent, I think. My DSC had her teach him too. He didn't speak throughout nursery and she labelled him as awkward and choosing not to speak. His mutism continued into year 4 and is still apparent in new situations.

Teacher training 20 years ago most definitely didn't qualify a teacher to diagnose (or otherwise) ASD or other neurological disorders.

Have you asked the teacher what she means by "normal"?

Yes you are in a hiding to nothing here. Move her. And pehaps let Ofsted know your concerns.

It's teacher consultations on Wednesday so I want to discuss it then without looking like a neurotic idiot. If she is still sceptical I guess I'll have to approach the Head and complain that what support was promised hasn't happened and maybe ask if she can move classes. But then that means more upheaval for an already unhappy dd.

Do not tolerate this and act upon it swiftly. Ds1's year one teacher totally downplayed his behavioural problems - probably to promote her 'apparent' skills and he went on to have years and years of problems because of it.

It's pretty certain that he has asc and I'm currently being assessed for it myself.

Don't afraid to question everything and don't accept shoddy treatment. Don't be fobbed off. Teachers aren't qualified to diagnose special needs. Neither are sencos. The teacher is an arse.

You're not neurotic. Keep calm and be assertive. Show no emotion, no matter how bad you feel.

I never appreciated how bloody hard it must be for parents of children with SN until I worked with a lad diagnosed with severe autism.

His parents always said the condition was difficult but what made things far worse was the constant and unrelenting battles with authority over every little thing.

to you op and hope your dd finds things better soon.

Move your DD. YOu must move her to somewhere where the teacher is more supportive and understanding. You've already had one bad experience of this centre with your DSC, why on earth would you risk another one with your DD?

PLease, just mover her.

How much does the teacher see your DC?

My experience of nursery school is that the staff have next to no idea about SEN. My experience of Primary school SENCO's is only marginally better. Secondary school staff are much more on the ball.

Meet with the teacher and the head. Tell her what you know of your DD and ask her yo complete the form properly

This is the best setting locally, supposedly. She's there 15 hrs per week in three hour stints.

It isn't a setting that is working for her. Can you pull her out, or must you have some kind of care? Could she go to a childminder, if so?

If it's the best setting so not straightforward to move I would ask to speak with either senco or head of foundation stage asap about the form. IMO if the form was regarding any child in the class a professional would give examples of why the child presents as average. A sweeping statement is not enough. I understand the form may not have directed her to do this, but if she really believes you are misguided she needs to back it up with examples otherwise it has no meaning.
I wish you very well and if I were you ring first thing tomorrow, don't wait for the meeting.
BTW, if you have time to answer, what is your DLA claim, just wondering if I might be entitled

Ask her to clarify what a 'normal 4yo' presents like.
Ask her to write how that looks I'm do,munition, self help skills, eating and drinking etc.
Just say straight her role to is write about what she's observed in DD - not to make a diagnosis.

Skip the teacher and speak to the head

By way of contrast, it was DS's nursery teacher who recommended a referral to an educational psychologist because she suspected SN, and he was eventually diagnosed with ASD.

If promised support hasn't transpired, that in itself is worth having a serious conversation. Do you think that a different class in the same nursery, perhaps with a more clued-in teacher, might lead to your DD being a bit happier?

Move her. For the love of God, move her.

There are much, much more supportive settings out there, and your DD deserves one. So do you. Believe me, I've been there, and my sole regret was inflicting such a setting on my child for two and a half terms.