Worried for friend that has gone raw vegan and just sat there during a lunch out

[Worflyied]

I've got a friend who has been doing this raw vegan diet for almost 10 months. She sticks to it religiously. She is looking good and is not underweight. But she has cut out virtually every food group apart from nuts, fruit and veg. Long term this doesn't seem like a good idea.

We went out yesterday to an nt place, and for lunch she just had a peppermint tea and ate nothing, then after lunch nibbled on some seeds as we were walking around. Doesn't sound healthy right?

"She sounds a right pain TBH

Um, why?"

I'm basing this on my experience of eating out with a non eater. I wouldn't have a problem with her dietary choices, I just don't feel comfortable eating with someone who isn't eating and, in this case, would probably feel judged.

So it's your problem, then.

So if someone isn't hungry do you just expect them to force food down so you won't feel judged?

Yes
No, not if someone just isn't hungry. If I was meeting someone for lunch in a venue that couldn't provide something to eat for my companion I wouldn't want to eat there. I would feel uncomfortable for them as well.

I just love my food.

would probably feel judged

Sounds like you're the only one doing the judging.

My brother ate raw vegan for about a yr. He developed the most glowing skin.
Brother is also OCD and turned out to have loads of mental health issues. Folk don't have to eat at prescribed meal events, that's just daft to expect, but I admit I'd be looking for other signs of being unbalanced.

No, not really. I would hate to think I was eating with someone who can't eat because there is nothing on the menu suitable for them, and they are sitting there hungry, watching me and waiting for me to finish.

I don't seem to be explaining this very well.

I'm vegan and overweight. Trust me, it can be done

I imagine she filled up either before or after the meal. Is she approachable in general? I wouldn't be offended if a friend looked concerned and said 'Are you sure you're ok? I don't want you to be hungry while we're here.' I'd be a little if they refused to stop looking worried after my reassurance perhaps, but I'd appreciate the concern.

Do you generally like to make sure everyone is 'well-fed'? Some are more emotionally invested in this than others, which is not a criticism.

Well evolutionally (is that a word?) speaking if you go back far enough then that would have been an early human's daily diet so our bodies would cope with her eating this way. Presumably if she feels her nutritional needs aren't being met then she would supplement with vitamins.

Presumably its only an eating disorder if control of weight is the intended result (in my very limited experience)? If its from a moral/ethical standpoint then I'd say its fine & there's no need to be concerned :)

What would a typical raw vegan day consist of?

Food wise, obviously!

Also, to go back to the anthropological theme :) then historically humans have got together to share in the pleasurable pasttime of eating. Sharing a meal is common for a celebration such as a wedding or funeral & its also a way for the family unit to come together every day & reinforce their bonds/pass knowledge on over a meal. Presumably if someone didn't join in on these occasions then there would be a reason why, such as health. So maybe its hardwired into us to be uncomfortable when someone doesn't eat as historically it means something is wrong?

Being the only one eating & being watched by someone who isn't eating would make be uncomfortable as I am distracted & they are not. I'm not suggesting that if you were at the waterhole then your friend would attack you Bunbaker but it implies that one is paying more attention than the other which leads to an imbalance. My sis is vegan & when I eat alone with her it can be odd.

I'd be amazed if the cafe had anything at all suitable for her to eat.

But I'm sure that was no shock to her, so I'm surprised she hadn't brought more food with her. But maybe she ate just before she came or was in a rush or didn't have anything suitable in to make a packed lunch?

A raw vegan day could start with a big green smoothie, some dried fruit & nut snack bites mid morning, big salad for lunch with maple tahini dressing, fruit snack in the afternoon, then spiralised courgette with raw tomato sauce & cashew nut 'cheese' on top, garnished with slices of avocado. So, hardly just as our ancestors ate, but very nutrient rich nonetheless. You would have to be vigilant to make sure you got enough fats and protein but it's not impossible.

I follow a few food blogs and am familiar with this kind of diet, although I wouldn't want to follow it myself. I have been through phases where I wanted to eat lots of raw foods and felt great, but am still an omnivore.

I do feel uncomfortable if I'm eating and someone else isn't - DH does this sometimes, if we're at someone's house and they've made cake I will have some but he will happily say no if he doesn't want any. I recognise this is my issue not his.

She sounds super-healthy to be honest putting my beige carby diet to shame.

It's really, really not that hard to get as many calories as you need eating raw food. If she's not painfully thin, and there's no sign of ill-health, I wouldn't worry too much.

When I did my Paleo Whole30 it was very hard to find food in lots of cafe-type places. I can't think at all what a raw food vegan would find in one! Socially these sorts of diet are tricky but that doesn't make them unhealthy. My friend is a vegan with a nut allergy and eats loads at home but can really struggle when eating out.

People who eat very restrictive diets do often (usually?) have underlying eating disorders but if your friend is a healthy weight there is no immediate concern for her physical health. And there is nothing you can do about her food issues.

orthorexia - exactly, read about 'the blonde vegan' and you'll see exactly where very limited diets can end up. When I was vegetarian I'd sometimes find there was nothing I 'could' eat and sitting there not eating made me ragey and uncomfortable and probably made the host feel the same....now I eat everything but MIL has decided that most things 'don't suit my tum' she's made herself skinny and weak, spoils all social occasions and I could cheerfully strangle her so YANBU

Thanks coffee.

I did a bit of research on raw food eating and on the website under "What to do when you eat out with friends?" it basically said "you probably can't have anything. Eat before or after you go" (less bluntly)

This is what your friend did. The diet may or may not be a good idea, but not eating at the same time as everyone else from the same cafe isn't a problem - at least not a health problem. It might be a social problem - for you

just don't let her visit the White Moose Cafe in Dublin.... may get shot.

' if your friend is a healthy weight there is no immediate concern for her physical health' I'm not sure this is all that true to be honest, eg bulimics are by definition normal or over weight but their eating disorder can have horrible physical consequences

my brother is orthorexic and maintains a technically anorexic weight (usually between 16.5 and 17 bmi) and does not look healthy and probably isn't but he is incredibly fit and a successful athlete, obviously fitness and health are two different things, but he's found a way of living and eating that works best for him so it's not really for anyone else to judge

lovely he's a fucking twat, isn't he?!

I hate the attention he gets with his carry on.

It's really non of your business.
Focus on your own plate and your own food choices and leave you friend alone.

Seems to me that a vegan diet, done properly, is very healthy indeed. The few vegans I know are slim, with good skin and hair.

It's a shame vegans are not adequately catered for in most cafes, bit I guess it's the John Lewis coat thread again ie supply/demand.