Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to be annoyed that he forgot my birthday?

20 replies

Californialiving · 08/11/2015 03:55

So DH was away for my birthday. His aunt had passed away and her funeral was on my birthday. He was gone for a few days.

He text me on my birthday to say happy birthday. And said we would celebrate when he got back. He's been back for a week now. I haven't had even a card. And no bloody cake

I feel slightly childish that I'm so annoyed. But part of me is hurt that he hasn't made a little bit of an effort. Whereas for him and the DC, I'm always pushing the boat out.

OP posts:

GoSCarGo · 08/11/2015 04:03

I see why you are upset but he was at a funeral after all and he did remember enough to send a text.
I'd say "so, what's the big plan for my birthday now?" rather than fume in silence.
I also like to make an effort for my OH for his birthday but I accept the fact now that he just isn't a big birthday person so I drop heavy hints if I feel I want him to do something.

Original poster

Californialiving · 08/11/2015 05:05

I know. I feel a little childish at being so upset.

So I asked him if he was going to get me a birthday card. And apparently he said he's been asking me all week to organize something for my birthday That I don't remember at all and, this will sound like throwing my toys out of the pram, I don't want to flipping organize it myself. I want him to bloody spoil me once in a blue fecking moon

OP posts:

icklekid · 08/11/2015 05:11

I would be feeling the same so hard not to snap back why should I kind of response. I think, given the circumstances perhaps you could suggest a favourite restaurant that you would like to go to either for lunch if childcare is a problem or evening with a baby sitter so you are getting something nice (his treat of course! ) and minimal organising required! Happy belated birthday op! and

Original poster

Californialiving · 08/11/2015 06:16

Thanks. I think I needed someone to shake some sense into me.

I guess Im feeling a little undervalued in our marriage at the moment. And I'm getting annoyed at everything. Maybe I just need cake!

OP posts:

londonrach · 08/11/2015 07:30

Happy birthday op. . I can understand if going to a funeral your dh mind might be on other things. Like others have suggested have a lovely meal when he returns. Id pop out and buy a cake. X

londonrach · 08/11/2015 07:33

Op sorry its only virtual but enjoy. Happy birthday. Xx

to be annoyed that he forgot my birthday?

Leavingsosoon · 08/11/2015 07:42

I think you need to separate the issues between feeling undervalued and being 'spoiled' in your birthday. I'm never too sure about these things because I don't see birthdays as a massive celebration at all, but I do find it cringeworthily embarrassing when anyone over the age of about 9 gets upset because a birthday hasn't gone as planned.

Deal with the being undervalued as a starting point, but to answer the question I do think it's unreasonable to be whiny about a birthday!

HumphreyCobblers · 08/11/2015 07:47

I don't think it unreasonable at all. Especially if the OP makes a fuss over everyone else on their birthday.

Her birthday didn't not go as planned, there WAS no plan. Surely that was the point.

RhiWrites · 08/11/2015 08:23

Why should you have to organise your own birthday celebration as well as everyone else's? Tell him to sort it including childcare and a bloody present!

Thattimeofyearagain · 08/11/2015 08:30

My first post on mn was about my dh downplaying my birthday. I was advised to just tell him. It worked.

TracyBarlow · 08/11/2015 08:31

Blimey I don't thing YABU at all. How much effort does it take to by a card? And he wants you to organise doing something for your birthday? Bollocks to that. I'd be pissed off too. My husband is pretty cramp at stuff like that but even he would at least have Calle don m birthday and got the kids to make me a card or something. Surely even if he was away on your birthday he could have left you the present that he had, obviously, bought in advance, no?

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 08/11/2015 08:37

YANBU op.

My supposed 'boyfriend' didn't get me anything for my 40th. Or 41st.

Or the Christmases either side. Not even a mummy day card from dd for the past 3 years.

Obviously, funeral takes precedence, but now you you need to give him a chance. Re-schedule your birthday for a couple of weeks, to give him a chance to organise it.

Don't try for 10-20 November, as that is when loads of 'valentines babies' have their birthday.

Enjoy your

IrishDad79 · 08/11/2015 08:41

Birthday celebrations should just be for kids really. Between valentines, birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, I find it tiresome trying to come up with new ideas. I came from a family that barely celebrated anything apart from maybe Christmas dinner. My dw's family celebrate every fucking thing imaginable, I find it hard to keep up.

Leavingsosoon · 08/11/2015 08:45

Marry me, irishdad!

I get it from my dad

I remember a conversation with my dad when I would have been 13 - we saw a number plate with OLD and dad said 'that's me!'
I said 'you're not old, you're 47.'
'No, I'm not. I turned 50 yesterday.'
'Oh, sorry, happy birthday!'
'Thanks.'

I thought it normal then joined Mumsnet

But I do think in fairness things like this can expose other issues.

Fallout4fan · 08/11/2015 12:15

I organised a family meal for my own birthday, nothing special but if I didn't we would never see each other. It doesn't bother me as I'm an adult not 6.

RubbleBubble00 · 08/11/2015 13:27

Book a really nice restaurant - tell him when and he's got.to organise a sitter

goodnightdarthvader1 · 08/11/2015 13:29

Was he close to his aunt? Everyone seems to be forgetting that a member of his family just died.

Spilose · 08/11/2015 16:20

Considering a member of his family has just died I'd let it slide tbh. Really?

zebra22 · 08/11/2015 17:29

Talk to him rather than posting on here

Ask him what the plan is as you want to celebrate your birthday

Sorry for his loss x

Original poster

Californialiving · 09/11/2015 03:15

I've been meaning to reply all day but it's been one of those crazy days. The kids have been so restless and no amount of running around has helped!

So, he wasn't close at all to his aunt. They had no relationship apart from the obligatory twice a year visits. In all honesty, he was more concerned about how his dad was coping than the feeling of any loss.

We don't make a big deal of valentines, Christmas and anniversaries. But birthdays is the one thing we normally do.

I did talk to him. And he said that he's been telling me to organize something. Which in fairness, before his aunt passed away he did. But when he came back and more than a week had passed. I did expect some sort of card or mention of it. And I haven't had that. For whatever reason, he is not bothered to do anything now, even though I have asked.

And that's what hurts.

And I'll buy myself a slice of cake when the kids are at school tomorrow

OP posts:

Flip