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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Bullying at work - update / more advice please!

86 replies

LadyShirazz · 07/11/2015 08:59

Hi all,

To all those who read my previous posts on bullying / discrimination at work, and just hating my job of 3 months generally, I am returning with an update (posting in AIBU cause I practically live here otherwise).

So, it seems I got that dream job I was so desperately hoping for on the last thread!! Offer has been given / accepted verbally and will be formally extended early next week, once their internal approval process has been finalised. (Not breaking out the champagne until that point - but starting to think ahead now to how I'm going to handle things on the current job side).

The temptation is to let rip when I hand in my notice (will only do when ink is dried on new contract). As much as I'd like to cite all the bullying / misogyny / unreasonableness of my boss (who will be the one I have to hand my notice directly to) and constant pressure to lie to clients etc, I know I must stay professional - it's a small world, and word gets round... All references are generic ones done by HR and I haven't got any "red flags" on my record - my performance has been good in till now (I just hated doing it!).

Do you think the below sounds okay? I think it mainly gets out what I want to say (notice I deliberately don't thank him for his support - cause there's been none!). He is going to be furious at me though, as am due to start a big project on Monday, and I won't receive the formal offer till mid-week - looks really bad on them if I drop out partway through or right at the start (depending on how boss wants to play it). Of course that's not my problem, other than I do still feel bad about it, and I think he'll probably make life hard for me in terms of the actual resignation conversation....

Anyway here is the letter:

Dear Boss,

Please accept this letter as notice of my resignation from the position of xxxx at xxxx.

I have come to the conclusion in recent weeks that, ultimately, consultancy is not the right match for me on a personal level. I have increasingly struggled to adapt to the chaotic environment, irregular workload patterns, and unrealistically high expectations placed on me as a new starter, with no direct job training provided to me since I started the role. I have therefore accepted an industry role within the [sector removed] sector, which I believe will be a better fit for me and my skillset going forward.

As per the terms of my employment contract, I will continue to work for the company for the next 4 weeks, completing my employment on December xx 2015. However, I would be open to discussions around working a shorter notice period, should you feel fit, given that I will no longer be in a position to see through the ongoing project at xxxx for its full duration. I do sincerely apologise for the bad timing in this respect; however, I was genuinely not anticipating an offer to be extended at the time I first committed to the project. I know it's my right to hand in my notice at any time, but a definite case of bad timing here all the same...

I wish to express my appreciation for the support proffered to me – in particular by xxx and xxx – over my time at xxx. While I have decided that consultancy is not right for me personally, I do sincerely wish everyone all the best in their future endeavours.

Kind regards,

Lady

Any advice from you nest of vipers lovely ladies on the below letter and how to handle him if he gets lary about the project would be gratefully received...

You've offered fantastic advice before, for which I really was very grateful.

OP posts:
emotionsecho · 07/11/2015 13:16

Can you not just leave it on his desk? Or scan a copy and attach it to an e-mail to him with "the original is on your desk", and copy in HR?

Littlef00t · 07/11/2015 14:34

I'd def just say you've got another job, and don't negotiate leaving early unless you get pay in lieu of notice or garden leave.

Enjoy being elusive when he wants all the facts.

LadyShirazz · 07/11/2015 16:30

My husband says just go over his head and straight to HR - as people like this hate being ignored.

Thoughts?

I don't actually know who / where HR are - the organisation is so huge. I will look up the leavers' process on Monday.

OP posts:
EBearhug · 07/11/2015 19:48

Your husband has a point. Our arsey manager gets seriously pissed off when I talk to his manager, which is partly why (but only partly why) I've put in some effort into cultivating a relationship with his manager, and most of the conversations we have are nothing to do with arsey manager. I have been told that hierarchy is there for a reason (which they probably wouldn't admit is mostly to protect all these men's jobs and egos), and I replied that I will follow the hierarchy when it works for me, but when it's not working (and it often doesn't, because things just don't always get fed up the reporting line when it should), then I shall go to the best person to deal with whatever the issue is. (This does not make me popular with everyone, but that's their problem.)

I think it partly depends how you get on with HR. We have particular people in HR assigned to different business units, and while any one person can pick up general things, it generally makes more sense to go to your assigned HR person. Do you have any contacts in HR? Your last post implies you don't. (Cultivating contacts in HR can be very useful, whatever your role.) I would probably give a resignation letter to my manager, and copy it to HR, to make sure it wouldn't be lost (not least because I once had to resign twice from a job, because they lost the initial notification... Fortunately, I had enough leave left that I could still leave the office on the same day as originally planned.) And I would do the exit interview with HR.

kawliga · 07/11/2015 21:53

Say nothing in the resignation letter, other than the bare minimum.

Say nothing at the exit interview other than generic stuff about wanting to gain experience in different fields - google will give you lots of harmless examples you can use.

Clean exit is what you're looking for.

emotionsecho · 07/11/2015 22:08

Your dh has a good point, whatever you do I would make sure HR have a copy and bearing in mind this has been such a difficult place for you I would be tempted to provide both an e-mail and hard copy, then you have proof that you sent it.

WongTobyWong · 08/11/2015 21:37

Delete the entire chunk about consulting not being a good fit. Just state intent to leave, effective date and last day of work. Anything else can just come back to bite you. Even though I understand the catharsis you think you'll get from laying it all out, resist the temptation to do it!

LadyShirazz · 10/11/2015 22:12

So written offer was received today!! :)

One heart had stopped pounding, I asked to speak to my boss (the dodgy one) as first point of call, and did my polite professional handing in notice spiel. He went all consultant on me and I got totally and unwillingly love bombed - upshot being that I was charmed / strong armed / both into sleeping on it till tomorrow.

Got to hand it to consultancy. No one can better fuck better with your brain.

Funnily enough, I haven't slept yet and still (once out of his presence) know I want to leave. This guy ought to start a cult...

Tomorrow will do the writing thing and Cc in HR beforehand, so it's all set down in black and white first...

Arggghhhh.

OP posts:
LadyShirazz · 10/11/2015 23:17

Urghh - sorry for the typos.

OP posts:
Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 10/11/2015 23:22

Ignore. Long term happiness is the name of the game.

EBearhug · 11/11/2015 20:05

Hope today went well, LadyShirazz.

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