Bullying at work - update / more advice please!

[LadyShirazz]

Hi all,

To all those who read my previous posts on bullying / discrimination at work, and just hating my job of 3 months generally, I am returning with an update (posting in AIBU cause I practically live here otherwise).

So, it seems I got that dream job I was so desperately hoping for on the last thread!! Offer has been given / accepted verbally and will be formally extended early next week, once their internal approval process has been finalised. (Not breaking out the champagne until that point - but starting to think ahead now to how I'm going to handle things on the current job side).

The temptation is to let rip when I hand in my notice (will only do when ink is dried on new contract). As much as I'd like to cite all the bullying / misogyny / unreasonableness of my boss (who will be the one I have to hand my notice directly to) and constant pressure to lie to clients etc, I know I must stay professional - it's a small world, and word gets round... All references are generic ones done by HR and I haven't got any "red flags" on my record - my performance has been good in till now (I just hated doing it!).

Do you think the below sounds okay? I think it mainly gets out what I want to say (notice I deliberately don't thank him for his support - cause there's been none!). He is going to be furious at me though, as am due to start a big project on Monday, and I won't receive the formal offer till mid-week - looks really bad on them if I drop out partway through or right at the start (depending on how boss wants to play it). Of course that's not my problem, other than I do still feel bad about it, and I think he'll probably make life hard for me in terms of the actual resignation conversation....

Anyway here is the letter:

Dear Boss,

Please accept this letter as notice of my resignation from the position of xxxx at xxxx.

I have come to the conclusion in recent weeks that, ultimately, consultancy is not the right match for me on a personal level. I have increasingly struggled to adapt to the chaotic environment, irregular workload patterns, and unrealistically high expectations placed on me as a new starter, with no direct job training provided to me since I started the role. I have therefore accepted an industry role within the [sector removed] sector, which I believe will be a better fit for me and my skillset going forward.

As per the terms of my employment contract, I will continue to work for the company for the next 4 weeks, completing my employment on December xx 2015. However, I would be open to discussions around working a shorter notice period, should you feel fit, given that I will no longer be in a position to see through the ongoing project at xxxx for its full duration. I do sincerely apologise for the bad timing in this respect; however, I was genuinely not anticipating an offer to be extended at the time I first committed to the project. I know it's my right to hand in my notice at any time, but a definite case of bad timing here all the same...

I wish to express my appreciation for the support proffered to me – in particular by xxx and xxx – over my time at xxx. While I have decided that consultancy is not right for me personally, I do sincerely wish everyone all the best in their future endeavours.

Kind regards,

Lady

Any advice from you nest of vipers lovely ladies on the below letter and how to handle him if he gets lary about the project would be gratefully received...

You've offered fantastic advice before, for which I really was very grateful.

Little - never never NEVER will I go back to consultancy! :)

But yes, short and sweet seems the consensus of way to go!

Sorry x posted

Short and sweet. Let him stew on the reasons, he will know anyway.

Laffy - very possible that I'm overthinking!

I've thought of nothing else since practically when I started. It's really soul-destroying when you hate your job, and can't see a way out...

Agree with the others, do not send that letter. Its too long-winded, too flowery towards the end, and too moany in part. That first paragraph is going to get his back up right away. I don't doubt that what you say is true but seriously don't detail it all in a resignation letter, it could come back to bite you.

Keep it short and brief. You don't need to detail your reasons or justify anything to anyone.

I hope I haven't offended you op, I've been in your position and just know that I was never on their radar but I'd have sleepless nights hating them.

I'm sorry that you've experienced bullying but please don't send either version you've put on here.

Tell him in person and then confirm with a brief letter stating that you are leaving and setting out your notice period. Don't say sorry, & no need to explain if you don't want to. Good luck in the new job!

If you send that letter it makes you look bad. Just stop and think for a second - will that letter get you more respect or money from this boss? I'm assuming not so just send a letter stating your leaving date.

Don't thank the company for their support or say you have enjoyed the job as suggested by pp as it's not true. Just tell them you are leaving and if you are asked for your reasons tell them you have another job. Never apologise or explain anything then you can hold your head up high.

Personally, I'd take some secret pleasure knowing that you are leaving them with an unfinished project after they have treated you so badly. It's nothing less than they deserve for bullying you!

In your second version leave out the paragraph re consultancy, just say you are resigning as from x date and anticipate leaving on x date but would be open to leaving earlier if required.

If you put in the bit about consultancy not being for you you are giving him an opening to attack you and to be smug about his behaviour as you, in his view, weren't up to the job - this is definitely a time for the old adage "Never complain, never explain."

If he pushes you for reasons just keep repeating, "You have my resignation letter, I am not prepared to discuss the matter any further."

Don't send your first or second letter, they read like justifications for your not being able to cope! Do a bare bones letter saying you are resigning and stating your last day at work. Be aware that as you are probably still in your probation period they company may accept a week's notice.
Never put in writing anything that could come back to haunt you.

Please op leave with you head high and just do a basic letter saying your resigning and date you leaving. Its not worth your time doing anything else. You leave the better person and without a sour taste. Dh wanted to write something similar to your first. I let him write it then we burnt the letter and he wrote a basic one that was handed in.

Forgot to say contraulations on your new job. Dh job that he was bullied in wAs over 3 years now and he happy and appreciated in the job he is in now. Bedt decision ever although slightly scary at the time.

Also don't say anything about where you are going next or what you are doing it sounds as if you are trying to justify your decision, they don't/won't care, it makes you look as if you are apologising for being unable to do your current job, it makes you look weak and as f you are looking to him for validation that you will be better suited to your new role. Don't give them or him the satisfaction of thinking they were right about you and your work.

Minimum words, maximum impact.

"I think you're explaining too much and leaving yourself vulnerable to attacks from the boss."

Keep it short and to the point. No need to apologise.

I had the joy of handing in my resignation to one boss while her boss was there (regional boss didn't know he was there when I went to hand it in).

She tried to make nice and (contrary to previous conversations) said she was losing a valuable asset. I just said 'we both know what really happened'. Immature? Cheap shot? Maybe but very satisfying!

I was 3rd resignation that week!

Does your employer do exit interviews?

Otherwise, a resignation letter should include the bare minimum of

• I hereby inform you that I am resigning
• my last day at work will be xx

It does not need to say ANYTHING else at all.

Check your notice period carefully, and give the minimum notice possible.

If your boss pushes you for a reason just say you don't wish to discuss it and have found another job. If he turns nasty just walk out of the meeting as you are perfectly entitled to leave a job that you don't like. Is he the shouty type? If so, a quiet 'there's no need to raise your voice' is justified.

Dear Boss,

Please accept this letter as notice of my resignation from the position of xxxx at xxxx.

Kind Regards

Lady

That is all you have to state. Nothing else is required, they do not care for the reasons why you are leaving and the rest of your letter is really unnecessary. (They did not mind when I left after I did my four weeks notice. I left mainly due to the senior partner's bullying attitude towards everyone not in his favour).

You have no idea when you might come up against people again in a work situation. Just walk away.

As others have said - short and to the point.

As an aside...my DH works in a sector where everyone knows everyone else. It's quite obvious that people are aware of why people leave certain companies. The ones that continue to get work elsewhere in the sector are the ones who remain quiet and dignified about why they moved on. It shows a professional attitude that people want in employees and consultants.

Agree with everyone else. Your resignation letter will get filed by HR and no-one will ever read it. If your boss is an arse then mentioning X and Y by name might not be helpful to them! I'd drop them both a note separately and copy it to HR or something else.

I wouldn't even offer to negotiate on notice - if they want to to do less then they can ask you nicely and pay you for the pleasure of your forgoing it.

*Dear Boss,

Please accept this letter as formal notice of my resignation from the position of xxxx at xxxx.

As per the terms of my employment contract, I will continue to work for the company for the next 4 weeks, completing my employment on December xx 2015.

I wish to express my appreciation for the support proffered to me – in particular by xxx and xxx – over my time at xxx. I sincerely wish everyone all the best in their future endeavours.

Kind regards,

Lady*

For context I've worked in senior financial position in an industry not a million miles away from consultancy and have resigned from jobs I've hated. Resist at all costs the temptation to use a resignation letter as cathartic release. It makes you look like an emotional rather than professional person.

I have come to the conclusion in recent weeks that, ultimately, consultancy is not the right match for me on a personal level.

No, don't put that in. You say he's a bully - this is just giving him an opportunity to twist your words and claim you've admitted that you're leaving because you're not good enough and can't cope.
And I'd remove the bit about thanking people for their support, given that your OP suggests you're leaving due to a lack of support.

Op, now that we've established what you'll do in real life, would you like to write a letter on this thread listing your boss's worst traits?

Dear Boss

I am resigning because if I don't I'll be tempted to smash your stupid face in. You are a nasty piece of work who thinks it's acceptable to treat me like a bit of dirt etc, etc

Thanks all. I will take all that advice and just do the absolute bare minimum in the letter. Yes they do do exit interviews, so will maybe share a bit more there - though I don't think ultimately there will be any point.

I don't think he will be shouty - more "aggrieved" and "oh but why you seemed so much happier lately", "I thought things were moving in the right direction for you" etc, and then he'll "big up" my experience and how far I'll go within the company, and probably try to make me stay with a pay rise (thanks but no thanks).

It wasn't a case of me not coping - I did cope! Not cracking up or anything. I just hated it.

Ooh lilets - I'll be back shortly with that!