Bullying at work - update / more advice please!

[LadyShirazz]

Hi all,

To all those who read my previous posts on bullying / discrimination at work, and just hating my job of 3 months generally, I am returning with an update (posting in AIBU cause I practically live here otherwise).

So, it seems I got that dream job I was so desperately hoping for on the last thread!! Offer has been given / accepted verbally and will be formally extended early next week, once their internal approval process has been finalised. (Not breaking out the champagne until that point - but starting to think ahead now to how I'm going to handle things on the current job side).

The temptation is to let rip when I hand in my notice (will only do when ink is dried on new contract). As much as I'd like to cite all the bullying / misogyny / unreasonableness of my boss (who will be the one I have to hand my notice directly to) and constant pressure to lie to clients etc, I know I must stay professional - it's a small world, and word gets round... All references are generic ones done by HR and I haven't got any "red flags" on my record - my performance has been good in till now (I just hated doing it!).

Do you think the below sounds okay? I think it mainly gets out what I want to say (notice I deliberately don't thank him for his support - cause there's been none!). He is going to be furious at me though, as am due to start a big project on Monday, and I won't receive the formal offer till mid-week - looks really bad on them if I drop out partway through or right at the start (depending on how boss wants to play it). Of course that's not my problem, other than I do still feel bad about it, and I think he'll probably make life hard for me in terms of the actual resignation conversation....

Anyway here is the letter:

Dear Boss,

Please accept this letter as notice of my resignation from the position of xxxx at xxxx.

I have come to the conclusion in recent weeks that, ultimately, consultancy is not the right match for me on a personal level. I have increasingly struggled to adapt to the chaotic environment, irregular workload patterns, and unrealistically high expectations placed on me as a new starter, with no direct job training provided to me since I started the role. I have therefore accepted an industry role within the [sector removed] sector, which I believe will be a better fit for me and my skillset going forward.

As per the terms of my employment contract, I will continue to work for the company for the next 4 weeks, completing my employment on December xx 2015. However, I would be open to discussions around working a shorter notice period, should you feel fit, given that I will no longer be in a position to see through the ongoing project at xxxx for its full duration. I do sincerely apologise for the bad timing in this respect; however, I was genuinely not anticipating an offer to be extended at the time I first committed to the project. I know it's my right to hand in my notice at any time, but a definite case of bad timing here all the same...

I wish to express my appreciation for the support proffered to me – in particular by xxx and xxx – over my time at xxx. While I have decided that consultancy is not right for me personally, I do sincerely wish everyone all the best in their future endeavours.

Kind regards,

Lady

Any advice from you nest of vipers lovely ladies on the below letter and how to handle him if he gets lary about the project would be gratefully received...

You've offered fantastic advice before, for which I really was very grateful.

I agree, don't send either of the versions you've posted here. Just tell you're resigning and that you will be leaving on X date. That's it. Anything else and it will open a can of worms and appear unprofessional.

Don't send either of your letters, they both come across badly. This isn't a relationship break up that you need closure from, it's the ending of a contract.

If you feel you must express yourself do that in the exit interview when you hand your notice in verbally and informally, don't be a fool who documents it themselves on paper.

Actually, on second thoughts - best not put it on here!

Don't mention the consultancy not being a fit for you - to me it reads that it is your short comings Not the fact it was a crap company/team/manager.

Yes probably best!

Do short and simple. If he persists in asking you why, I'd be tempted to look him in the eye and say "why do you think?"

FWIW I burned some bridges once when I left a horrible job by doing a very frank exit interview with hr. It felt great and I know from the grapevine my jerk boss was in hot water over it so I can see the temptation! But your letter is very wishy washy and places a lot of the blame on you.

If he asks you why, just give him a big smile and say 'I've been offered a FANTASTIC opportunity that I felt I JUST COULDN'T pass up'. Be positive about leaving, make it all about the new job, not about your dissatisfaction with the old one.

Oh and congratulations on the new job.

Say what you want to at the exit interview but keep it professional and avoid mentioning names. "I felt the lack of training held me back" rather than "Fred didn't give me any on the job training"

Agree with everyone - don't send either of the 2 letters. Giving him words like 'struggling' and 'not for me' are giving him weapons against you. Just keep it very simple - their not going to send a lot of time on your reference so why should you send time on your resignation.

Even if you attend the Exit interview - take care with the wording. Your boss may ask / be given the feedback and again your words can be used against you. keep it factual - wasn't given training (especially if it was promised), constantly changing goal posts which were not communicated to me before I was managed against them - that sort of thing.

And good luck in your new job !!

Also you dont want your boss knowing what you will say at the exit interview and be prepared to push it back to you. Get any evidence now, and stay calm.

As a previous poster said just deflect all his questions or offers with comments along the lines of "It's an opportunity too good to turn down". "It's the sort of role I've been aiming for all my career". "Nothing you can offer could come close to this new role." "I've made my decision I'm not going to change it."

Sorry OP, I didn't mean to say that you were leaving because you weren't coping.

What I was trying to say was that a maliciously minded boss could twist that paragraph around to suggest that the first paragraph meant that.

'Hi boss, I have a letter of resignation here for you'
"Oh why are you leaving'
'I got another job'.

End of conversation.

I wouldn't say where you are going to work either, it's not relevant.

Don't explain or thank anyone in the resignation - send a thanks email to those you've got on with.

Speak to HR and debrief them after you've left

I agree with everyone else - short, factual resignation, nothing else. If he asks for reasons, just say you've been offered another position which is a the opportunity that you've been waiting for all your career.

While you're waiting for the official confirmation and job offer in writing to come through, take copies of any emails which might be evidence about being offered/refused training, any misogyny, and unreasonableness or anything else. As someone mentioned upthread, they might only want a week's notice, as you've not been there long, and in some companies, you'd be shown the door immediately, and just paid without having to work the notice.

I would mention to HR that you haven't received job-specific training - especially if you were promised it; if you weren't promised it, then tell them you believe it is necessary (and give a couple of examples of things you couldn't just know from having experience outside of the company.) You can also mention the irregular work patterns, particularly if you can see better ways of managing it - e.g. being told about requirements for late meetings only the week before makes it difficult to organise childcare, but usually these requirements are known about at least a month in advance, so informing people then would make it easier to attend. You can also mention the chaotic environment, if there are clear examples, and it can't be misinterpreted as you can't cope with a busier environment and balancing conflicting priorities. If there's any way they could twist it back on you being incompetent - and if you've got a bullying manager, they will find ways if there's any opportunity - then it's probably best not to mention it.

I am normally in favour of giving feedback about why you're leaving a job; I gave quite a bit of feedback when I left my last job and I heard later that at least some of it had changed. Whether that was because of me or because of other reasons, I don't know, but I like to think I might have been a contributing factor. Recruitment is expensive, and HR usually prefers to avoid it unnecessarily (though there will always be some turnover), so if there are comparatively easy steps they can make which will change people's reasons for leaving, then it can make a difference - but they're not psychic, and things won't change if they don't know. That has been made very clear to me in my current role - we have a particular manager who is a git, and more than one person has left as a direct result. I have spoken to HR about him, thinking I would be one in a long line of complaints - but actually, most complaints about him have never reached as far as HR, so they had no idea that some people have had such issues, because most people just leave and just say they've got another job.

Just out of interest, what background do you need to work in insurance fraud? It's a field I'd be interested in but doubt I have relevant experience because I work in the public sector.

haven't read the full thread but be prepared to be boxed and out the door by 5 past 9 just because he can. If he does its his choice and you should still be paid for a full notice period. Are you sure its 4 weeks notice- often for first 6 mths in this sort of role its a week either way - which suits you really

All good points Ebear, and yes, I had already thought to do that. Would love it if they paid me not to work for a month :)

It depends whether boss will want to keep me on this project for my 4 weeks notice - or just take me straight off as maybe they don't want leavers (particularly - if he can read between the lines - disgruntled ones) liaising directly with clients? Not that I would do anything untoward - I'm a professional, and wouldn't ever do anything like that. But I can see that, if I'm going to have to leave the project at some point, better now than later down the line - and then have the ability to negotiate shorter notice period.

And if I am held to the project / full 4 weeks in whatever capacity, it will be a lot more bearable knowing I'm counting down to getting the hell out!

Gallic, will PM you - actually asked MNHQ to remove that reference (accidentally included) for fear it might out me!

There is no formal probation period - contract says 4 weeks notice within first 6 months of role, 8 weeks thereafter

I'd be happy with leaving there and then and being paid for the privilege.

I had better bring a rucksack in on the day so I can take all my stuff home! :)

Thanks.

I hope it all goes well. The relief will be immense. :)

I always handed in my notice late afternoon, so i didnt feel uncomfortable all day. If that helps.

Yup, 4 o'clock is the time to declare your intentions.

Then I would be stressing all day about it! It will likely be whenever I can grab elusive boss!!

OP I appreciate it wan't a case of you not coping. The exit interview will give you the chance to have your say.