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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

About DH working in Japan?

89 replies

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 05/11/2015 16:40

To give a bit of background so I'm not drupfeeding. My DH has his own company, we do well (I do accounts etc) and I am a SAHM. We have three kids who are 10, 5, 2. My DH tends to get an idea about something and jumps in with both feet without thinking it through properly or only seeing the positives rather than negatives. He is a great husband, really helps out with the kids and in the house if needed etc, isn't funny with money or abusive in anyway except he can sometimes unknowingly be a little selfish. His siblings were in their twenties when he was born because his mum had them young so he was spoiled by them all and grew up pretty much as an only child so sometimes thinks only of himself.

He called me this morning and asked how I would feel about him going to work in Japan in a couple of weeks for a few weeks. Hed been given someone's number who was looking for contractors to go over and work with him.

I said (thinking here we go with an idea he suddenly thinks is great without thinking of negatives) get more info then we will discuss it.

So he text me later saying 'x said the guy has guys working in Australia the Bahamas, could be a great adventure' that instantly make me think he's thinking of the benefits to himself and what he can get out by getting to go.

He then called and said he has spoken to the guy and it's all expenses paid (didn't ask where exactly he'd be staying though) day rate is less than what he charges here but the same as what he makes after tax. However he'd be working 12 hour shifts that he doesn't do here and he'd be working 21 days straight that he doesn't here and the kids wouldn't see their dad for three weeks.

Since starting typing this he has come in. He said he's worked it out and hed make 250 more than he would at home. I said 250 over three weeks but the kids wouldn't see you for three weeks and would really miss you. Surely the negatives outweighs the positives for the family as a whole and financially it's not that much better. He said in an annoyed tone well I just thought it would be an experience that could lead to other things and work elsewhere (more adventures for him with not much more financial benefits is what I take from that) I said I think you are being a little selfish and thinking of it as an adventure for yourself instead of thinking how much the kids will miss you. Hes went out in a huff but is away to help his friend in his house anyway.

Aibu? It just feels like the benefits aren't that great and it's coming up to Xmas where il be having to rush from pillar to post getting the kids to all their different things they will need to go to and doing it on my own for an extra 250 just isn't worth it.

OP posts:
goddessofsmallthings · 05/11/2015 17:54

I would imagine that a number of your company's clients are looking forward to having the work he's scheduled to do completed before Christmas and won't be best pleased or impressed if he cancels, which could have an adverse effect on the prospect of obtaining future work locally.

RB68 at 17.18 (p.1) has it correct as the sum he stands to gain is derisory and will likely be swallowed up in 'incidentals' which are not part of paid expenses.

Any foreign national who wishes to engage in paid work in Japan requires a visa that allows them to do so and it would be folly for him to undertake paid work on a tourist visa.

On balance it seems to me he's advised to tell the guy who's offered him work in Japan to think of him for the next project as it's too late to cancel his UK commitments in the run up to Christmas.

MumOnTheRunAgain · 05/11/2015 17:56

Has he ever mentioned wanting to go to Japan before?

goddessofsmallthings · 05/11/2015 17:57

best advised...

OnIlkelyMoorBahtat · 05/11/2015 17:59

I'm on the fence on this one; it could be an opportunity work-wise, could not be. Only way to find out is to do it I would think. However what would not be acceptable to me would be me having to sort everything out.

I will say though if he's working 21 days straight of 12 hours each he isn't going to get much of chance to seen anything of Japan. So in that sense, it's not really going to be an 'adventure'. And to be honest, people who leave their families behind to work abroad for such long hours tend to do so for much more monetary gain than £250. Otherwise it's really not worth the separation and disruption.

I think pinkdelight had some good advice about talking to him about the wish for the 'adventure' angle above. Why can't the family? How portable is his work? What scope is there for you as a family to go travelling together with it? Is that something you want to do? All stuff up for grabs and to discuss, OP. Or to put it another way, how come only he gets to have the adventure?

I think your husband does need to think about the practicalities if he's going though, and he's a bit naive if he thinks he won't have to pay tax on his earnings just 'because he's working outside of the EU'.

Is the client sorting accomodation? If so will it be free? Would the client be sorting out your husband's work visa or would your husband have to ? According to the Japanese Embassy's UK website, there are thirteen different types of working visa for UK nationals wanting to work in Japan, and 2 separate ones for highly skilled professionals. Ulp!

Here's their website, hope it's useful: Japanese Embassy Visa Info

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 05/11/2015 18:04

Mumontherun no he hasn't every mentioned Japan, ever ever. I have shown an interest in visiting Hong Kong, Japan and China in the future and he just hmmd. Hed like to go to Thailand, Mexico and Australia. Thats the only places he's mentioned that we haven't been too.

OP posts:
SweetAdeline · 05/11/2015 18:04

I still think he would be liable for UK tax although sounds like maybe would not have to pay tax in Japan.

SweetAdeline · 05/11/2015 18:06

See here on tax.

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 05/11/2015 18:12

Sweetadeline thanks for that. Been googling to try find something exactly like that!

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SweetAdeline · 05/11/2015 18:13

There is a "seafarers deduction" so maybe that is what he is thinking off but that has a qualifying period of 365 days so won't apply here.

TalkinPeas · 05/11/2015 18:28

Is he going to be working on board the ship full time,
or in Japan?
there is a HUGE difference.
Who will be paying him? In what currency?
Who will handle differences of opinion on pay rates?
Will he be on the cards or invoicing?

I think you need a face to face meeting with the boring admin people before agreeing to something

AND
working the boats is addictive
how many batches of three weeks per year are you happy for him to work away ...

BlueJug · 05/11/2015 18:34

YABU
Opportunity, fun, money, adventure, excellent business prospects, ( being able to say that you had a contract in Asia sways new customers).

I have worked there - and of I had the chance again I would and if DP tried to hold me back I'd be gutted - and feel trapped.

My Dp spent five years working away all over the world when the kids were young.

I understand that it is not the same for everyone - and you have a right to be heard - and he should listen - but it would be a shame not to take the chance.

SoftDriftedSnow · 05/11/2015 18:36

Is his plan to get work like his mate? If so, that needs a proper life and business discussion. One where you aren't seen as the default childcare.

What has he said about the jobs he's got booked in already?

And I hope you get paid properly and formally for the work you do for the business.

PennyHasNoSurname · 05/11/2015 18:38

As long as it didnt have a detrimental affect to the buiness or to the running of family life over those three weeks, id not hold my DH back. I do not, however, want a marriage whereby DH works away frequently/regularly, so would make it clear this is not to become a precident.

Duckdeamon · 05/11/2015 18:42

As a one-off it seems OK but in your shoes I wouldn't want trips to become regular if he can make good money here!

It also seems unprofessional and bad for his reputation to cancel work he has booked in for the time period.

Mistigri · 05/11/2015 19:13

I haven't read the whole thread, but why on earth would anyone even consider working long and antisocial hours for less than their usual rate in one of the most expensive countries in the world (even if he gets expenses, he will spend more than he can claim back)?

Either someone is trying to rip your DH off, or the project is not completely above board.

DarthVadersTailor · 05/11/2015 19:20

YABU I'm afraid. It's a three week period and not three years, plus surely it's an exciting opportunity to work in a different country and network with people you wouldn't normally.....to deny someone that especially if they really want it would make you the selfish one and not him.

nocoolnamesleft · 05/11/2015 19:22

I worked in a non-EU country for 6 months. On my return, I had to pay UK tax on every penny. Worse than that, I ended up having to complete tax returns for both countries for several years, and they followed different finacnial years! Argh!!!!!

Check the tax situation!

wannabestressfree · 05/11/2015 19:27

He may be working on the boat but you need to spend more time out of the country than in it to get away with no tax..... Trust me I worked for them.

antimatter · 05/11/2015 19:29

Cleaner wouldn't be an option. No there's absolutely no way he'd agree to me doing it because he works

I would tell him to go away and examine his head.
If you go along with crap like that he will always book jobs without considering you.

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 05/11/2015 21:29

Just to update he's home and in a good mood and it hasnt been mentioned yet. I'm now more clued up on the tax situation and since I do the tax returns I needed to be aware what it involves with regards to tax working away.

Il speak to him tomoro evening my heads frazzled tonight and iv been up since half four this morning so going to bed now. Thanks for all your replies and info given regarding tax.

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RoboticSealpup · 06/11/2015 07:59

Yanbu. He is cancelling clients at home, to 'gain potential contacts' that he doesn't even need in Japan. He could end up losing existing clients, for hardly any extra income!

He just really, really wants to go to Japan and do his own thing for three weeks. Fine, but at least he could be honest about that.

sashh · 06/11/2015 09:20

How much will his visa cost? How much is tax in Japan? What about medical insurance? Holiday insurance won't cover him.

howabout · 06/11/2015 09:33

^...why on earth would anyone even consider working long and antisocial hours for less than their usual rate in one of the most expensive countries in the world (even if he gets expenses, he will spend more than he can claim back)?

Either someone is trying to rip your DH off, or the project is not completely above board.^

This.

Also I think he will have to pay tax unless what he means by tax free is that the figure quoted is after tax has been paid on his behalf by the employer.

He may well get more overseas work through his friend and very soon end up reliant on his friend with no UK clients left and you squeezed out of the business.

If he wants some time away and you are happy with that get him to save up for a lads adventure holiday.

SouthWesterlyWinds · 06/11/2015 09:41

Can I just say I loved my time working in Japan. Absolutely loved it! The lifestyle, the difference to the UK, the feast days and traditional celebration - loved it. Would go back in an instant if I could take DH and DC's with me.

But it's expensive. Like eye watering my expensive. I was paying £1.50 (¥250) for a loaf of eight slices of bread expensive. An all expenses trip might have catches where they will only cover a certain amount. Travel is expensive unless you walk and have a bike. Medical insurance is needed. You will get taxed over there but for a short contract, you can claim it back, but will have that gap between claiming and payment.

He's also being a bit naive if he thinks he can get a visa to work in Japan in such short notice without paying out and going to the embassy in London. He would probably need a letter from his sponsor, have to apply for a certificate of eligibility etc and then this will be finally assessed when he lands in Narita. I would suggest a feeler working visit next year when it won't affect his current client base or create bad feeling from his cancelling contracts for this trip last minute.

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 06/11/2015 14:34

Just to update he decided he isn't going to go. He said it would of been fine had we had no kids or responsibilities here with the business already but he does and it's just not worth it. He has passed the details on to his cousin who he subcontracts in for big jobs and who has no kids and still lives at home.

Thanks for all your posts, glad he made the decision on his own in the end.

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