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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

39 weeks pregnant and DH going out

80 replies

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 04/11/2015 16:51

Right - I think I'm may be being a bit special snowflake here but I'm tired and hormonal
so please be kind ish

I have a 1 and 2 year old and will be 39 weeks pregnant on Friday. No history of early labour.

DH has said that he would like to go out for a meal and a few (no more than 1 drink) on Friday night with two responsible friends at a restaurant about 15 minutes away.

He's promised to check his phone regularly etc. he is generally sensible and doesn't have form
for going out for a few drinks and rolling in two days later.

I thought that was OK but mentioned to the midwife today who was horrified. Plus the wife of one of the friends called me today to say that she had read her DH the riot act and said it really wasn't fair for them to be going out and they should never have organised it in the first place.

Now I'm feeling vaguely uneasy about it all. I texted DH (as he's at work) and he's all like....er.....what.....I'll stay at home until DC are in bed (both very good sleepers so no worries about them waking up) and then I will be a 15 minute walk away with my phone on loud and on the table at all times.

Is this a very silly/selfish idea? I admit that I sent him quite a hormonal and cross text back saying that I wasn't sure it maybe was a good idea but i didn't want to discuss further (spot the passive aggression!). He said he thought I would have a nice night in watching TV and having a bath etc - which to be fair I probably would. If he was at home, we wouldn't be sitting on the sofa staring into each other's eyes.

Is this a crazy plan? I now feel all discombobulated and don't know why!

OP posts:

diddl · 04/11/2015 16:54

I think that if it didn't bother you before someone said anything then it still shouldn't bother you!

If he really will be 15 mins away & not drinking and contactable...

How long will it take person who is looking after the others to get to you?

PoptartPoptart · 04/11/2015 16:54

If you are happy with him going out then it's nothing to do with anyone else! If you trust he will not have one too many and have his phone on at all times then I can't see the problem tbh

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 04/11/2015 16:55

Your midwife sounds like a wanker.

Horrified? Really?

If you were off tightrope walking I could see her being horrified. A responsible man going 15 minutes away for his dinner whilst carrying a phone? Not worthy of being horrified.

You'll both be fine.

YouMakeMyDreams · 04/11/2015 16:55

We're you fine with it before other people started saying he shouldn't be doing it? Tbh if it had been me with my third I'd have loved the peace. Third time around I could barely make it past 7pm anyway so dh would have been better off out because I was useless company.

helenahandbag · 04/11/2015 16:56

I think it would be different if he was going out on the lash but his plan seems pretty sensible. He won't be far away if you need him.

Boosiehs · 04/11/2015 16:56

As long as he is sober enough to drive.... seems fine?

Merrilymerrilymerrily · 04/11/2015 16:56

Not crazy at all. You will be fine and he is close in the (unlikely) event anything happens. He could just as easily be at work when labour starts - presumably further away? Only issue is any drinking if he will need to drive you.

AnyoneButAndre · 04/11/2015 16:58

If it's not OK for him to be at a restaurant 15 minutes away then surely it's not OK for him to be at work? You were right the first time, it's fine. Let him enjoy his last night out for a few months.

Fratelli · 04/11/2015 16:58

It's fine for him to be going out imo. He's not drinking and will be contactable the whole time. It's not really that different to him being at work. You had no problem with it before others told you you should.

I would be taking advantage of what will be the last bit of time to yourself for a while!

ValancyJane · 04/11/2015 17:02

I think that sounds sensible, you know where he is, he'll be in a condition to drive and will be keeping a close eye on his phone. If he was off on a stag do that would be different, but I think this sounds fine.

Original poster

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 04/11/2015 17:02

OK - good. The midwife made me feel terrible. She was practically LTB and had cartoon poppy eyes.

I did mention about work but she said that obviously he had to go to work but didn't need to go out.

OP posts:

wonkylegs · 04/11/2015 17:04

That scenario wouldn't bother me.
When I had a bleed at 35wks with DS, DH was in an operating theatre working on somebodys heart and I still managed to get a message through to him and speak to him within 5mins. I figure if I can get hold of him in those circumstances then there is little that will phase me with this pregnancy.

Thurlow · 04/11/2015 17:05

Eh? That's the strangest thing a midwife could say. Perfectly reasonable for him to be going out like that - afterall he's voluntarily being incredibly sensible and making sure he's still ready to go if you go into labour that night.

ilovehotsauce · 04/11/2015 17:05

He's 15minutes, away what could possibly happen?

Enjolrass · 04/11/2015 17:05

Honestly your midwife and friend who read him the riot act need to wind their necks in.

It's nothing to do with them. You were fine with it. He isn't far, sensible and will only have one drink.

Since he goes to work (i assume) are you more likely to into labour in those few hours than during the time he is out at work?

I find it odd that you have let other people goad you into being passive aggressive to your dh.

Just tell him how you feel about it. Not how everyone else does.

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed · 04/11/2015 17:05

"If it's not OK for him to be at a restaurant 15 minutes away then surely it's not OK for him to be at work? You were right the first time, it's fine."

This ^ Is he supposed to stay three feet away from you until you go into labour? What if you are massively overdue? It could be weeks, and it would drive you both bonkers.

The midwife sounds a little overcautious.

ApplePaltrow · 04/11/2015 17:07

Does your midwife post on mumsnet?

Ignore them! So many people love to give advice they would never take. Remember: misery loves company

Enjolrass · 04/11/2015 17:07

Tbh I have had a couple of mw that have been a bit ltb.

I kept bleeding with dd, they kept insisting it must because dh was being violent.

Even when I had a bleed when he was out of the country when I was 19 weeks.

LittleMiss77 · 04/11/2015 17:07

My DP went out every weekenwhen i was pregnant and i loved it - house to myself, bath, film, cuppa...

The only proviso was that he stayed under the limit i.e 1 drink or no drinks ideally, so that he could get me to the hospital if necessary.

fitzbilly · 04/11/2015 17:08

Ridiculous midwife.

What could possibly happen?

Even if you went into labour it won't happen in 15 minutes.

Pipestheghost · 04/11/2015 17:08

The MW reaction is just ridiculous.

Original poster

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 04/11/2015 17:09

That's what I thought, ilove. I'm slightly high risk in that the baby is measuring large but its engaged so consultant said last week that that basically removes risk of cord prolapse which is increased with excess fluid (which I have very slightly too). However, he told me what to look out for with cord prolapse and told me to phone an ambulance straight away.

DH is harder to contact during the week day as he's with patients but I have the practice land-line number so would just call that. Actually, the midwife was a bit hmmm about that too but he can't have his mobile out in one hand with another in someone's mouth so I'm not sure quite how we're meant to resolve that issue!

OP posts:

Enjolrass · 04/11/2015 17:10

Sounds like your midwife doesn't live in the real world

Differentnamesameface · 04/11/2015 17:11

I think your MW and friend are being way too precious.

He is going out for dinner, he is 15 minutes away.

Jenijena · 04/11/2015 17:11

At 39 weeks I might want to go out for a meal with friends 15 minutes drive away. What would she make of that?

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