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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

39 weeks pregnant and DH going out

80 replies

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 04/11/2015 16:51

Right - I think I'm may be being a bit special snowflake here but I'm tired and hormonal
so please be kind ish

I have a 1 and 2 year old and will be 39 weeks pregnant on Friday. No history of early labour.

DH has said that he would like to go out for a meal and a few (no more than 1 drink) on Friday night with two responsible friends at a restaurant about 15 minutes away.

He's promised to check his phone regularly etc. he is generally sensible and doesn't have form
for going out for a few drinks and rolling in two days later.

I thought that was OK but mentioned to the midwife today who was horrified. Plus the wife of one of the friends called me today to say that she had read her DH the riot act and said it really wasn't fair for them to be going out and they should never have organised it in the first place.

Now I'm feeling vaguely uneasy about it all. I texted DH (as he's at work) and he's all like....er.....what.....I'll stay at home until DC are in bed (both very good sleepers so no worries about them waking up) and then I will be a 15 minute walk away with my phone on loud and on the table at all times.

Is this a very silly/selfish idea? I admit that I sent him quite a hormonal and cross text back saying that I wasn't sure it maybe was a good idea but i didn't want to discuss further (spot the passive aggression!). He said he thought I would have a nice night in watching TV and having a bath etc - which to be fair I probably would. If he was at home, we wouldn't be sitting on the sofa staring into each other's eyes.

Is this a crazy plan? I now feel all discombobulated and don't know why!

OP posts:

TendonQueen · 04/11/2015 17:13

Given what you've said about him and the situation, I really can't see a problem. He'd be back in 15 mins if needsbe. As long as he stays ok to drive it's fine.

Original poster

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 04/11/2015 17:13

Yes - it is a bit odd that I did let other people make me act weirdly with DH.

But I am very hormonal. I'm usually fairly normal.

I was going to have a Chinese takeaway and everything......it made me think that perhaps everyone else's DH's were clamped to their sides treading them love poems so I felt a bit left out!

OP posts:

Madratlady · 04/11/2015 17:14

I'm 38wks and have aa 2yr old too. I think you're over reacting a bit sorry, or your MW and friend are anyway, 15mins and only a couple of drinks doesn't seem unreasonable to me.

MrRobot · 04/11/2015 17:15

Your midwife and friend need to wind their neck in.

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 04/11/2015 17:15

OK - good. The midwife made me feel terrible. She was practically LTB and had cartoon poppy eyes.

Leave The Bitch.

You need a less highly strung midwife. She'll never cope with the harsh realities of life labour.

Topseyt · 04/11/2015 17:15

Your midwife sounds daft. As does the friend who read her own DH (I thought) the riot act about this.

He won't be far away, he will hardly be drinking and he will be contactable. If I were to say anything at all it would be to suggest that he sticks to soft drinks just in case he has to drive you to the hospital, but otherwise it is fine.

You would be capable of calling help for yourself while he is at work if you needed to, so you would be capable while he isn't, and he would be there himself within a few minutes anyway.

As someone else said, this could be imminent, but could also go on for another two or three weeks yet.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 04/11/2015 17:15

My work place is a longer commute than that.

Sounds like a good plan for you both to have a little me time before dc3 is born.

Sonotkylie · 04/11/2015 17:16

So, the plan is both of you have a chance of some 'me time' before the baby's born ... Grab that chance as it may be a few weeks before it happens again. And save the hormonal over reaction for something that you feel more strongly about!
Good luck with the birth and don't sweat the small stuff - or something!

StarfrightMcFangsie · 04/11/2015 17:16

Huh? I don't think you're being precious at all. I think you're having a wobble because you are vulnerable to other peoples ridiculous judgemental opinions.

Are you expecting a dramatic fast delivery? Even if you went into labour whilst he was out there's probably be no point in telling him until he came home anyway.

Supermanspants · 04/11/2015 17:17

Your midwife sounds like an idiot as does the wife of the friend who would 'read him the riot act'...... For going out for a meal? 15 minutes away?

ConfusedInBath · 04/11/2015 17:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 04/11/2015 17:19

He's 15 mins away, sober and on alert just case......dont see an issue.

Your midwife and friend are silly. If he had been going an hour away on a pub crawl with intentions of getting so drunk he cant remember his own name, they'd have had a point.

StarfrightMcFangsie · 04/11/2015 17:19

On my due date with 1st I was in John Lewis in London. I lived in Hertfordshire.

2nd time I was also in neighbouring County at a party (though to be fair it was my Doula's birthday party).

3rd time it was half term and I was camping (locally).

Dumbledoresgirl · 04/11/2015 17:21

When I was pg with No 3, dh worked 90 minutes away by car. And yes, he was at work when I went into labour. He still got to the hospital with hours to spare and everything was fine.

Let your dh enjoy a night with his friends before the upheaval of another baby (which I realise is what you were going to do before the midwife stepped in anyway).

nortonhouse · 04/11/2015 17:23

Seems just fine to me. When out of the house, my husband was rarely closer than one hour (plus) away at this time. I think your midwife needs a bit of a reality check.

Sallystyle · 04/11/2015 17:23

I was 9 days overdue and went out for a meal 30 minutes away.

I also give birth quickly, like 1 hour from start to finish.

Midwife would be disgusted at me.

It will be fine OP.

Only1scoop · 04/11/2015 17:25

Blimey I thought he was going abroad on a mini break or something, not 15 mins and sober down the road.

I'd be fine with it.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 04/11/2015 17:27

Yep, sounds fine to me too.

Both of the DCs will be asleep before he leaves, so you'll be able to put your feet up, eat chocolate & have the TV to yourself for an evening. What's not to like?

If you do need him, he's a 15 minute walk (so less than 10 minute jog/run) away. Better that he goes out now, than in a couple of weeks time when you have a 1 year old, a 2 year old and a newborn baby to look after surely.

Original poster

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 04/11/2015 17:27

I'm going to get him one of these very unobtrusive phone civets so that he can have the phone strapped to his ear with a head band.

Think that's more sensible!

OP posts:

SarinaJ · 04/11/2015 17:28

I've just gone 38 weeks and my husband is at an over night work jolly in London! I think in the unlikely chance anything happens VERY QUICKLY tonight then I'll be ok :)

ISpidersmanYouMeanPirate · 04/11/2015 17:28

Maybe you were feeling criticised because you weren't being clingy enough?!

RivieraKid · 04/11/2015 17:38

Wouldn't look to that wife of one of the other lads for advice, tbh, be surprised if she has a DH left at all soon if he isn't allowed out for a friday night meal and couple of drinks, perhaps he has form in that dept? Pass. Pearl-clutching midwife sounds as useful as a tampax machine in the Vatican.

DisappointedOne · 04/11/2015 17:39

When I was 39 weeks pregnant DH was in a field, camping, with no mobile signal 450 miles away.

YABU.

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 04/11/2015 17:47

Your dh's plan sounds perfectly fine.

Hope you're putting your feet up and not worrying about mirrors any more?

stoppingbywoods · 04/11/2015 17:54

Some midwives go into the job because they like managing and end up bossier than ever. Have you heard them on One Born rhapsodising about labour being nature's way of teaching patience, the meaning of life and Everything? Ignore, ignore, ignore. She has no business having an opinion on your marriage and who knows what her own is like?

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