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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

39 weeks pregnant and DH going out

80 replies

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 04/11/2015 16:51

Right - I think I'm may be being a bit special snowflake here but I'm tired and hormonal
so please be kind ish

I have a 1 and 2 year old and will be 39 weeks pregnant on Friday. No history of early labour.

DH has said that he would like to go out for a meal and a few (no more than 1 drink) on Friday night with two responsible friends at a restaurant about 15 minutes away.

He's promised to check his phone regularly etc. he is generally sensible and doesn't have form
for going out for a few drinks and rolling in two days later.

I thought that was OK but mentioned to the midwife today who was horrified. Plus the wife of one of the friends called me today to say that she had read her DH the riot act and said it really wasn't fair for them to be going out and they should never have organised it in the first place.

Now I'm feeling vaguely uneasy about it all. I texted DH (as he's at work) and he's all like....er.....what.....I'll stay at home until DC are in bed (both very good sleepers so no worries about them waking up) and then I will be a 15 minute walk away with my phone on loud and on the table at all times.

Is this a very silly/selfish idea? I admit that I sent him quite a hormonal and cross text back saying that I wasn't sure it maybe was a good idea but i didn't want to discuss further (spot the passive aggression!). He said he thought I would have a nice night in watching TV and having a bath etc - which to be fair I probably would. If he was at home, we wouldn't be sitting on the sofa staring into each other's eyes.

Is this a crazy plan? I now feel all discombobulated and don't know why!

OP posts:

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 04/11/2015 17:55

Your midwife would have loved us - when I was 38 weeks, my partner had to travel a couple of hundred miles away/stay overnight. At both 39 and 40 weeks I practically begged him to go out with his mates - once to a housewarming party, another for a non-drinking night out with mates. I was actually hoping it would tempt fate to get things moving! Never did, went 10 days over, stop/start labour meant partner had days of warning not to go anywhere. Your midwife needs to be presented with a very large grip!

HelenaJustina · 04/11/2015 17:59

What planet is your mw on?! Even with the complications you have mentioned, her reaction was completely over the top. My DH flew out of the country on my due date with DC4, and the other 3 were all under 6... She needs to give her head a wobble!

CandyRainShower · 04/11/2015 18:02

Assuming from your post that your DH is a dentist, what with him putting his hands in people's mouths, I am also assuming that if you went into labour and he was in the middle of doing a root canal or an extraction, he wouldn't be able to leave work that quickly, and if he's having a meal 15 minutes away he would be home quicker anyway. The mw is being daft

BlackeyedSusan · 04/11/2015 18:02

I think it is fine if he is a responsible sort and you are fine with it. (mine might not have come back)

TrashPanda · 04/11/2015 18:04

Haha DS was born at 40+6 and the night I went into labour we'd been to the pub and DP had 3 pints a drink!

HeteronormativeHaybales · 04/11/2015 18:10

I think it's fine for him to go out!
I had no patience when pg with people who expected me to be treated as if I were made of glass. Admittedly my older two are 10 and 8, not 1 and 2 (you brave woman!), but I think the dc's ages are not so relevant for this situation.

3littlefrogs · 04/11/2015 18:12

DH was at work when I went into labour with all of my pregnancies. And we didn't have mobile phones back then.

I don't think your DH is being unreasonable at all. As long as he has his phone and can get back in reasonable time.

blanchett0109 · 04/11/2015 18:26

Seriously? wtf has this got to do with your midwife? Tell her to keep her nose out. If he's not going far and is contactable what's the problem?!

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/11/2015 18:32

I normally hate these threads. Lots of people saying that they were totes cool with their other half having two weeks in Thailand while they had the three kids at home 42 weeks pregnant. In this case, however, your MW is a plonker. He will be sober, close and contactable. There is literally no reason to worry at all.

Original poster

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 04/11/2015 19:55

Yes - and actually, I had a scare with DD re: early labour and called the practice just as he'd started to fit a crown on a dental phobic patient. He very nicely asked if I would be OK to wait until that was done and he would get home ASAP. Which was fine. I think he was an extra 45 minutes. God knows what the midwife would think of that.

Anyway, he's now said he's not even going to have the 1 drink - which I feel a bit bad about. I'm
glad he can go out though as I really want to have a chinese takeaway and catch up on SCD

OP posts:

Original poster

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 04/11/2015 19:57

PS - mirror-gate is resolved

OP posts:

lieselvontwat · 04/11/2015 20:09

All sounds fine. If you wanted him to stay at home, it would be reasonable to expect him to do so, but as you don't and he's easily contactable I really can't see a problem. Mountain out of a molehill.

BrendaandEddie · 04/11/2015 20:10

Op your midwife is a twat. Don't see the issue

DrCoconut · 04/11/2015 20:22

DH took DS2 away for the weekend, 5 hours drive from home, when I was 36 weeks pregnant with DS3. I had no problem with it at all, the space to rest and relax was great (teenage DS1 so no childcare as such). Unless your medical/obstetric history leads you to expect problems there is no need to be joined at the hip, just be sensible about the odds of him being needed and make decisions about going out, away etc accordingly.

Blondeshavemorefun · 04/11/2015 20:23

As others said he's local and will be sober and as long as phone has signal or you get restaurants number incase - then all will be fine

He could be down at the local shop - or queueing in the bank 15mins away etc

Doesn't need to be attached to you / just local , sober and contactable

IrritableBitchSyndrome · 04/11/2015 20:27

I wouldn't have thought twice about OH going out if 15 minutes away! He was 90 mins away at work during the day anyway

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 04/11/2015 20:35

gawdsake....give your midwife something to fret about...I was 36 weeks, with a 2 and 4 year old and dh got packed off on a 10 day course in Northern Ireland. We live in NE Scotland an hour and a half from the nearest airport.

I was a bit [hmmm] about the distance, but it was a course that had to be done.

It will all be fine, don't let them freak you out!!

Andrewofgg · 04/11/2015 21:08

Ask him to make it no drinks. Then wish him an enjoyable evening.

And good luck.

Abidewithme3 · 04/11/2015 21:17

One drink is fine. Your midwife sounds unhinged.

Original poster

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 05/11/2015 00:06

I may print this thread off for the midwife's reference next week!

So many daring normalpeople out there. Who'd have thunk it

OP posts:

Senpai · 05/11/2015 04:18

DH worked farther away than where he went with friends. I don't think he went out the last trimester actually. He somehow had it in his head from TV movies that as soon as I went into labor the baby would be falling out. He looked up videos on how to deliver a baby if we didn't make it to the hospital that was 15 minutes away.

My point is, it was 15 hours of labor before I was even ready to push.

It was amusing to watch DH stare with bright eyed anticipation to slowly fading to a boredom induced nap.

Namechanger2015 · 05/11/2015 06:51

Your H sounds lovely, very considerate to go out very near by, not have a single drink etc, unlike the twat husbands you usually read about on MN who go out and get hammered and turn up at home a day later when their wife is 38weeks pregnant like mine did

Enjoy your night at home.

thatsforsure · 05/11/2015 06:53

if he was at home and in the bath when things 'kicked off' it would prob take about 15 mins to get out dried dressed etc so whats the difference as long as he is fit to drive

randomsabreuse · 05/11/2015 07:12

My DH is a vet who does visits out so out at a restaurant 15 minutes away sounds good to me. He could easily be an hour away in zero signal arm deep in an animal.

Will have to discuss contingency plans for next child as first was 38+4, and arrived quicker than expected (apart from the pushing bit) but meal out would be far less of a concern than the non optional work situation...

BolshierAryaStark · 05/11/2015 07:16

It's fine, didn't bother you until others stuck their oar in so don't worry about it.

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