To sometimes feel like a brusque tweedy old lady on MN

[Imogentlasting]

I'm not that old, but some of the views on here really astound me. No one touch my child (on a thread I started); Christmas is just for me and my little unit, no relatives allowed; how dare an elderly person park in a P&T space; etc etc etc

AIBU to sometimes think the world is slowly going mad?

Forgot to say, I loved the Malory towers books! Have never laughed so much at a book (literally crying with laughter) as I did when Mamzelle Dupont played the "treek" with the fake teeth. Think I'm more of a Sally (once she got over herself/jealousy in first book) than any other character.

Interesting thread. Made me think of last year on MN sometime a thread about friendships that somehow descended into many people being somehow proud of not having friends, or too busy with working and raising DCs to have time for friendships and that their DH/OH was their best friend, and that was quite enough

I mentioned I have 2 women who are true friends, also a couple of women who are "good acquaintances" & that I thought friendships are precious and important..growing older without friendship doesn't say much for community and society, we need social interaction ..blah blah blah...

So I thought...until I was told I was NEEDY because I only have friends so Im not lonely in old age (wtf?! Ive known both friends 40 years +. & Im 50 now) and that I had friends for the wrong reasons.

& there was I thinking having a couple of mates is normal.does there have to be a deep reason behind it? They're mates

I couldn't fathom it at all and swiftly decided not to try. The whole pride in being insular thing was beyond me. Im fairly social and I quite like people. 'll pass the time of day with anyone pleasant who says good morning or a couple of words in passing in supermarket..maybe I really should buy a tweed suit lest I view the outside world as my enemy

MistressDeeCee I could have written your post, every bit of it.

I so agree on the friendship. My DH wonderful though he is not my best friend, he is my partner in life, the father of my children and he's male, I need close female friends too and my best friend I've known her 40 years and I don't think that is odd, the other one I've known 50 years - I'm old! I value these two special female friendships so much, they were around before DH came along, and I have other female friends too, not so close as the other two but still in touch regularly.

All this insular bubble stuff, I just can't live like that. Having seen two friends lose their husbands prematurely, they are in their early 50's and widowed - both of them are like me with female friendships and my god have their friends rallied round. If your DH is your best friend and you are are in that bubble, where on earth do you turn. You never know what life will throw at you.

Plenty of tweed here!

wicked lazy I'm from NI as well and I agree with everything you've said. In real life I have never ever encountered most of the stuff I read about on mumsnet. In fact, I've often yearned to relocate to England for better job prospects but the stuff I read here terrifies me. Plus dh and I feel a huge responsibility to our elderly parents, which also feels like a fairly unpopular view on mumsnet.

I don't actually know anyone in real life who think they are too important to answer the door or the telephone. Oh, and all my friends and family still have and use landlines, as do we.

I don't actually know anyone in real life who think they are too important to answer the door or the telephone. Oh, and all my friends and family still have and use landlines, as do we.
Yes!

Ha yes Bunbaker. I also know absolutely no-one who refuses to answer the door or the landline and who considers it a rude intrusion. It is honestly the first time I have heard of this - I thought I'd entered a parallel world!

Treacle your description is how my childhood was and it's hard coming to terms with the fact i's changed somewhat since!

I think the threads that wind me up the most are when people say that their DH and children are their family now and shut out everyone else.
No, your parents, siblings, aunties, uncles, in-laws are all your family too!

hell's but on mumsnet it sometimes feels like everyone's family is toxic, every mother is a narcissist, every sister is manipulative and every brother is a waster. And that's before we even get to in-laws.

Now I'm not denying that some people have escaped horribly abusive families and are quite right to have no contact but I'd guess in real life it's not as common as it seems on here.

Mind you, I did once see a poster try to start a thread to counter all that and to invite people to chat about how wonderful their parents are and celebrate the joy of having a loving family. And the consensus was that she was horribly insensitive and cruel to do so because some families are awful. So I suppose there is an underlying feeling that it's not ok to be publicly celebratory in case it comes across as smug.

Game playing, manipulative behaviour and plotting payback are roundly applauded when women do them.

For fuck's sake. Life's too short.

Hmm. Admittedly I only know 3 people from NI, but I find all of them really insular rude and selfish! Is that why they live here.. !?
My friends Northern Irish wife had a massive sulk when he invited a recently bereaved friend of theirs for Xmas, because it would be spoiling their magical "just close family" day.
And my Irish SIL and brother refuse to have any contact with extended family on Xmas day, because they want it to be "just us" (I don't hate my SIL but that is on her, although he is a wet blanket)
I am actually not certain any of it is regional. I reckon the problem is partly created by the idea that our own personal comfort and happiness always comes first. Actually, to contradict myself, that idea of the right to selfishness is a very American one, so perhaps we are seeing another facet of Americanisation?

Although my earlier post said that mumsnet puts me off the idea of moving to England because it just seems like every interaction with people is so complicated, I also should clarify that when I am actually in England I don't find real life people to be like that at all. In fact I find them generally to be very friendly.

There are a lot of uptight misery guts on mn. Meh. They keep the trolls busy with their outrage. I think they should have their own thread though away from the rest of us. Like the tipsy mermaids/wavers etc. What would it be called....FrightfullyImportantFuckersWithSmallProblems or something.

the amount of fuming, getting the rage and being totally outraged that goes on is mind boggling. I can't be arsed with it myself. It is usually over total trivia, and is for those with far too much time on their hands

God, yes!

YADNBU

Me too, I've had to step away from MN at times at its depressing to think this could in anyway be a reflection on RL - thankfully it's not, but some of the threads do leave you wondering at times. Hell I even joined Gransnet as I felt maybe I was just getting past it & I'm not a Gran! So it's good to see so many of us thinking along the same lines - there's been times when I've wanted to give some posters a damned good shake

I joined Gransnet too Rockin even though I'm not a Gran either, it was all OK but I didn't engage with it quite the same as over here where I've been for ten plus years.

I'm a closet tweedy obviously

We need a tweed grip smiley.

Lois apart from the uptight misery guts there is also the extreme over-reaction to the most minor thing in the world bunch. A thread today had me open mouthed at the OTT reaction of the poster and the justification of how this minor incident freaked her out, how on earth will these people cope with something really serious.

I think any thread usually attracts those with extreme views to post; the rest of us think either meh, I don't have a strong enough opinion on this or wtf, this cannot be for real.
When a mil, I found it damn impossible to do anything right with one son-il, the other I was starting to get on with, then he left for someone else!
Thankfully now I very carefully get on well with both new partners.
I wonder if, in this age of everyone being so busy, and instant electronic communication, people are just very very lonely for someone to chat and chunter with in real life? (I know I am)
heck, what an awful way to finish a post - goes and puts my pearls away, before I break the string

OP, I found your 'touching babies' thread absolutely astounding. I could not believe the number of people who don't want strangers stroking their baby's cheeks. Unbelievable.

I feel like a tweedy old lady too.

I'm also surprised a the number of threads where people advise you should check your in-laws into hotels, send them to restaurants instead of cooking, etc.

Sarah, some people do not want to cook. Often all these arrangements fall on the shoulders of the woman. She has to buy the food, plan it, cook it, clean up etc.

SarahSavesTheDay, I guess I am surprised at the amount of it that appears to go on, but not that it actually happens.

My own parents knew that we didn't have the space to put everyone up if they wanted to visit, and are (understandably) very attached to all their creature comforts. They freely chose to stay in a local hotel or B&B when they wanted to visit, and would phone me a week or two beforehand to ask me to go in and book it for them.

The only time they didn't do that and did stay in our house was when I was going into hospital and they had come to look after the DDs, who were still very young. I know they were not comfortable with the arrangements then, though they worried about me and didn't complain.

Hotel has just worked better for us all around, but it is their choice rather than us pushing them out.

Thank God there are other sane souls on Mumsnet! I was beginning to think I was the only one left and everyone else had pissed off somewhere without telling me

There seems to be a whole new mindset of "the world revolves around me and my little darlings" with no awareness of how that affects others

Obviously the in-laws have to stay in a hotel if there's not enough room at your house.